IN THIS EPISODE:
- People will judge
- Time management is not the problem
- Life is not fair and love always wins
Hello hello hello my friends.
How are you today?
I was out of town this past weekend in sunny Arizona – you know – the dry heat which apparently makes all the difference. Lol
I find travel such an interesting social experiment. There are a lot of interesting people in this world.
And so that is my inspiration for today’s podcast. I want to talk to you about a few concepts I teach and how I saw them play out on this trip.
Let’s start with my arrival into Arizona.
Here’s what happened – I’m getting off the plane and I hear somebody say – you can tell by their attitudes they are New Yorkers.
So that brings me to my first concept.
People will judge.
I was just talking to a couple clients about this.
Here’s the thing – we are humans.
Humans have thoughts.
Some thoughts are judge-mental.
But we don’t think they should right?
We want people to like us.
And so we do – sometimes some crazy shit – to have people like us – or to try to change the way they feel about us in general.
I was just watching someone get coached
on how much she didn’t want her co worker to be mad at her – but it can also be a partner or loved one to use as an example.
You guys – we waste so much time trying to manipulate and make ourselves different to make them happy.
Imagine what you could do with time and energy if you dropped trying to make them feel differently.
It doesn’t work anyhow.
Because the fact is – their feelings come from their thoughts.
Think about maybe a recent argument you’ve had. And let’s say the other person said sorry – with the intent things would be better – they wanted to make you happy..
But you are still so angry – you don’t even believe they are sorry – and so you don’t let it go.
They tried to make it better – but your thoughts are still causing you to be angry.
So now you might be saying – well Michelle – it’s not nice to judge – people shouldn’t.
Ok – but what if their judgement meant nothing about you?
I love the example my coach gives.
She does not like peaches.
It doesn’t matter if you have the juiciest peach.
They best coloring.
All of it – doesn’t matter.
She still doesn’t like peaches -let’s say she has some judgements about them.
It doesn’t mean anything about the peach.
The peach is still fabulous.
The peach is perfect as is.
That’s the same for us.
People will judge.
It doesn’t mean we have to make it mean anything about us.
So I say let’s stop wasting time trying to be someone we are not.
And just let people judge.
I mean – I say “let” but it’s really like – they are going to do it anyways – wasting time thinking it should be different has no upside for you.
Ok – next thing that happened.
I always get to the airport early.
But what I didn’t realize this trip was the line to just drop the bag was an hour.
Literally just drop it – I already checked in.
I could see my brain wanting to tell me I was never going to make the plane.
I was never going to make it home.
My luggage would be lost.
And it also tried to go to the old lets beat myself up for not knowing this and I should’ve left sooner.
Time and energy spent worrying increases our stress and serves no upside.
I took some deep breaths so I didn’t turn into a crazy lady and just told myself it was going to be fine.
You guys – here’s the thing – I’m not sure what we think
but it seems like we believe if we worry enough it will make it better.
That’s just not true.
Worrying has no upside – and usually we worry about things that will never happen.
So watch your brain the next time this happens.
Just duly note – ok – got it – and choose to think a thought more like – you will be fine, or you will figure it out.
My guess is – you always do.
The fact is – you get to choose which thought you want.
Ok – next concept.
Time management is never the problem – lack of clarity on the goal is.
Here’s what I mean.
My flight was leaving 6am.
Boarding started at 520am.
I was not even through security at the time the started boarding.
But I knew I had to get on that 6am flight.
So as I’m running through the airport I am focused on getting to my gate.
If my phone started ringing guess what I’m not doing?
I also wasn’t replying to text messages or wondering what was up over in Facebook world.
No distractions – no notifications.
I was super clear on getting my keister to gate F5.
That’s the mindset we need for our time.
So often we take the day as it happens to us.
We have a list of things to do but no real purpose or mission.
So when other things call our attention we get easily taken away from the list – of course what others demand of us seems more important because we haven’t decided the importance of what we want to accomplish.
When you can develop a mission – or result – then you can run your day, instead of it running you.
This is exactly what we work on when we do 1:1 coaching – taking control of your schedule.
Imagine if you were as committed to your goal as you were to getting to your next plane?
It is seriously a game changer when you shift
Into the mindset.
Ok – and the next one.
Life is not fair but love always wins.
You may already know life is not fair but I want to talk to you about how I see this effect our time.
Let me tell you what made me think of this. I’m in my seat on the plane –
yes – thankfully I made it –
and I see what I thought was an older guy with Spikey hair in the seat in front of me. Kinda like a rocker dude.
I take a second glance and it’s a dog!
He had his own seat.
And of course my thought was – hey – I didn’t know I could by a seat for my dog…
(yes / yes I would .. lol )
But then I realized it was a service dog for an older gentlemen.
You guys want to know how I know life is not supposed to be fair?
Because bad things happen to people.
But we have this belief that things need to be fair.
Marriages should always be 50/50 for example right?
But what happens when it’s not?
We think something has gone wrong.
Think about the last time you thought your partner should help out more.
And she or he didn’t.
What did you do?
Maybe you start by asking for help and they do – fabulous.
But what if you ask snd nothing gets done?
Do you spend time complaining to your bestie?
Do you go over and over in your head telling yourself how they need to start shaping up?
And then do you just end up doing it yourself?
You could’ve dropped the complaining and felt better along the way.
Listen – I get it – it seems like a very logical thought that it should be 50/50.
But that thought usually causes so much pain for people when it’s not 50/50.
What if some days the relationship is 70/30 and then it goes 65/35?
Maybe there wouldn’t be so much added pressure for it to look like any fairy tail if we knew there was always ebbs and flows.
It truly is just a belief that things are supposed to be “fair” – and a belief is a thought you have been thinking over and over.
You can choose to stop thinking that if you want.
And love always wins.
Let me tell you – dogs are the best – well in my opinion. They have such love for their owner.
When the gentleman got up to head to the restroom that dog didn’t take his eyes off of him.
And – everyone around the dog was watching him with smiles and taking pictures. The guy next to me was sending pictures to his 8 year old daughter who was getting a kick out of it, the last next to me was snapping Po is and of course I posted him on my Facebook.
It was so nice to watch the interactions of the entire scene.
Love wins every time my friends.
Ok – I’m that note I’m going to call it a wrap.
Speaking of love – I know I tell you often but I mean it – I love being here with you and I love that you continue to tune in – thank you.
And if you are ready to take the first step, head over to Michellebourquecoaching.com/freebie and begin taking my 5 day course to help you gain control of your calendar and begin feeling less overwhelm.