Thoughts on The Big Leap

Posted December 19, 2019

What is the upper limit problem that is holding you back and keeping you from the next level? This is something I read about when I recently re-read The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks. In his book, Gay details the things that often hold us back and how to confront them so that we can reach our zone of genius.

Topics in this episode

Defining the inner thermostat level
Why we self-sabotage
The four zones of comfort
Zone of incompetence
- What can you delegate?
- How to get your time back
Zone of competence
- “I’ll just do it myself”
- The importance of moving from comfort to fulfillment
Zone of excellence
- Why this doesn’t quite feel satisfying
Zone of genius
- The zone in which you thrive
Defining the upper limit problem and how to identify it
The 4 hidden barriers that are holding you back

Take time this week to look at these barriers. Do any of them resonate with you? Start paying attention to your day to day interactions with yourself. What stories do you tell yourself? They may feel real and true, but they are not. Once you start with the awareness, you can begin to see where the root problem is and you can begin to dismantle your upper limit problem.

If you are ready to take a big leap, but you’re not really sure how to do it for yourself, I want to help you. This is the time to invest in yourself. Head over to https://michellebourquecoaching.com/work-with-me/. We’ll get on a quick call to see where you’re at, where you want to go, and if it’s a good fit. If you’re not quite ready for the call, but you want more free content, go to https://michellebourquecoaching.com/freebie/ and you can download a three-step guide to find more work/life balance.

Transcript

Hello hello hello – how are you all doing today?

I’m great – we were in Florida for a couple of days – oh – it’s so nice to get some sunshine and warmth.

I have a funny example of how our thoughts are what causes our feelings and not the circumstance

My husband hates flying He gets so worked up
Me – I feel as calm as a cucumber lol

So as he’s stressing he’s looking at me asking how I am so calm

I’m like – well I’m not choosing to think we are going to die on this flight Lol
Right?

I mean it’s not the flight stressing him out

Because I’m on the same flight and I’m not stressed out But we clearly have different thoughts
He doesn’t really want coaching on it lol

So I just share it with you guys as another example in every day life And now we are back to the NY winter
I’ll tell you what – the older I get the more I feel like we should move south – more warm weather

Yes – full transparency – that is me wanting to change the circumstance right? Lol
Ok – let’s dive into today’s topic

Can you guys believe this is episode 60?

And every 10 episodes I like to share either a mentor or a book that I find super beneficial

So today I am going to discuss a book I just read for the second time It’s called The Big Leap
By Gay Hendricks

It’s about taking your life to the next level And the thing that often holds us back Upper limit problems
And how we really need to be on to these in order to make that leap to the next level To your zone of genius
See – there are a number of successful people on the world My guess is – you are one of them
But are you living in your zone of genius?

Do you have ideas and then not follow through because you don’t think it’s quite possible?

You know what I’ve noticed?

Anytime I look to argue for my limitations

Like when I maybe have a big idea and then find all the reasons it won’t work Well – if I continue to argue for that limitation I get to keep them
And then my big idea doesn’t have a chance

So how does the upper limit problem hold you back?

Gay talks about how each of us has an inner thermostat level

that determines how much love and creativity and success we allow ourselves And when we start to get past the level we do something to sabotage ourselves And that looks different for everyone
Now this is often programmed early on in our lives Usually from parent right
And typically our beliefs about what the abundance Or success
In our lives leaves us living in either Our zone of competence
Or

Our zone of excellence

But not quite to the level of living in our Zone of genius
So let’s start with what each zone means First –
Zone of incompetence

This is all the activities we are not good at

We waste our time on them / when other people are actually much better So for me – one example is editing this podcast
I’m not a podcaster

Yes I record it to bring you guys content

And hopefully share something each week that might help you

But if I took the time to edit and upload it each week I would be spending so much more time on it

Then my producer does So I give that job to him
And I can focus on other things that might be more helpful to you Sometimes you can even think of this in a per hour cost mindset
What I mean is – are you doing something right now that you could either pay for Or creatively find a way to delegate
You will be surprised how much energy you will gain when you do this Ok – next
The zone of competence

Here Gay says is where you are kinda living a life of unfulfillment So you are competent at these things
But so are a number of other people

A lot of successful people waste time here And ladies – I talk to you
I know you I am you
This is where we find ourselves saying I’ll just do it myself

It’s easier for me to just do it vs delegate and have to follow up But at the end of the day it’s not what we are passionate about I’m starting to question that saying –
If you want something done right you have to do it yourself

Lol .. maybe we just need to start trusting others to do some of it And free ourselves up to do more of what we love
Just something to think about Ok – next up is
Zone of excellence

These are the activities you so extremely well. And you make a good living
And you are comfortable here

Your family is comfortable with you here But that’s almost the problem
It’s too comfortable

When I have consult calls with women they often talk about feeling stuck But not knowing what that means
I totally get it

Honestly that’s where I was when I started coaching We know we have a really good life right
But we think there must be something more still And its such an odd place to be

Because looking at your life you are successful You have a really good life
And you are grateful for it

But something doesn’t seem quite satisfying

And Gays says that’s because you will only ultimately thrive in one place And that is Your zone of genius
This is the area that is uniquely suited for you The activities are based on your gifts
Your strengths.

And I think the older we get the more we start paying attention to this This – desire to do something more
So the question is – how do you get there? Here’s the thing
In the book Gay talks about different ways to spot your upper limit problem in daily life

And he also discusses ways to increase abundance success and love So essentially you increase your overall thermostat
But I’m not going to go into all of those

Keep in mind – I always talk about awareness as the first step Once you become aware of something
Then you can decide if you want to change it So what I want to discuss next

is what Gay says are the four hidden barriers Under the upper limit problem
And are based on fear and false belief

If you can start to be on to yourself around these foundational ideas then you can work on changing them
Now – you don’t have to have all four One or two may really resonate with you The thing they do have in common is Although they seem real and true
They are based on beliefs about ourselves that are neither real nor true So he says the fact that we unconsciously take them as true and real
is exactly what is holding us back

And that’s why I want you to become conscious of them

So just be open to considering if any of these seem to be you And when you can start seeing them as not true
Well that’s were you begin the shift Ok –
First one up

Feeling fundamentally flawed

So this is usually a deep old feeling that there is something wrong with you maybe when you get to a level of making a certain amount of money

Or in a relationship

You start to tell yourself you shouldn’t be this happy Because if something is wrong – or bad – with you Then you shouldn’t be so happy
So we want to shine light on where that comes from What is the old belief
Because again – although it feels real and true It’s not
And the other part that goes along with this is

A fear that if you did make a commitment to go all in on your zone of genius Well you might fail
It’s like it’s a belief that even in your genius zone you would be flawed It wouldn’t be good enough
And so you stay playing small Playing safe
So that way – if you do fail – well at least it’s not a big fail

Hidden barrier 2 is when we are stuck behind the ideas of disloyalty – or abandonment

So this is where you start to expand but maybe feel guilty because maybe it’s different than what you grew up with

Or where your roots are

And you pumps the breaks on going to the next level because you feel like you are going against the family norm

You don’t want to get too big – and sometimes you don’t even quite enjoy the success you have to this point

Sometimes this just comes down to having an uncomfortable conversation with your loved ones

Again – recognizing the truth is not in that There is any abandonment or disloyalty

It’s just you living your life On purpose
The way you want to

And you can still love the family just the same

Now the third barrier he discusses is believing that success brings a bigger burden

Growing up did you feel like a burden?

Maybe you have guilt from things your parents did or said It’s fascinating right?
Sometimes family members will say or do something when we are young and it sticks with us

So maybe you feel like a burden – and now you think success would make that even larger

Listen – we can feel guilty enough about the things we have done in our lives ., lol Let’s take the level of guilt from what our parents did away see what changes And then the fourth barrier
The final barrier is the crime of outshining

This is super common among gifted and talented kids Maybe you have been super successful but

There has been this underlying message to not shine too bright Because we wouldn’t want siblings –
Or friends Feeling bad
And this may be how you roll now

Maybe you don’t want to seem like too much Or – lol – as my niece sometimes calls me Extra
But what’s the alternative?

And is there anything wrong with extra? I’m starting to think no
Because listen – you have one life to live

Why do we want to continue doing anything other than what we truly want? Do you even take time to think s our what you truly want?
I encourage you to make some time this week. Start by looking at these barriers
Begin shining a light on the ones that resonate with you Remember / they may feel real and true
But they are not

You can begin dismantling them

You start to see where the root structure is

For you

On where your upper limit problem resides

Start paying attention to your day to day interactions With yourself
The stories your tell yourself Start with the awareness
Once you have the awareness you will be amazed at how the shifts can follow

And if you want to get this book – I highly recommend it – in fact I’ll be reading it again next year

I just think as I grow and evolve something different stands out to me So it’s called The Big Leap
And

Gay Hendricks is the author

And if you are ready to take a big leap but not sure how to do it yourself I want to help
This is what I do with my clients – it’s so much fun So whether it’s hitting higher sales revenues
Or finding more work/life balance

Whatever it is for you – this is the time to invest in yourself

Go to MichelleBourqueCoaching.com and click on the work with me page

We will get on a quick call to see where you are at And where you want to go

And if it’s a good fit I would love to help Ok – that’s what I have for you today.
Let’s circle back next week – But for now make it a great day Take care!