The Self Coaching Model

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I want to talk to you about what I consider to be the secret of the universe. It’s called the self-coaching model: a tool I use with my clients and myself. These concepts have been around forever, and they are an organized way to look at how your thoughts are creating the results you have in life. I talk through the self-coaching model and give examples of it in action, such as using it to change your thoughts about a frustrating situation. Listen all the way to the end of the episode and hear how you can access my new freebie on how to find more balance and less stress.

Topics in this episode

  • Why you still need a coach
  • Blind spots
  • You have the power to change
  • Feelings are everything
  • CTFAR: Circumstance, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, Results
  • Using this tool now to make the changes you want


Hello hello hello
How are you guys?
I feel like I’ve missed you.
Last week was the replay of the interview
so we didn’t get to chat as much.
I know –
well I chat
but I picture you –
like I wonder where you are –
I usually think you are in your car –
that’s where I mostly listen to podcasts
So of course I assume that’s where you are listening.
Ok – so I have something new or you -I just created- so stick around to the end to
make sure you get it –
See how I did that.. lol –
I want to keep listening
because in today’s podcast
I want to talk to you about the what I consider to be –
the secret to the universe
Seriously – it’s life changing when you start to learn it –
It’s called the Self Coaching Model.
It’s a tool I use with all of my clients –
and obviously myself – and I want to share it with you.
My Master Coach instructor created the self Coaching model
And when I say created I mean – like the way it is organized –
but the concepts have been around forever –
it’s universal law
Some people call it the think feel act model
Basically tt’s a tool that allows you to see how you are creating the results you
have in your life
Now – shameless plug – you can have the self coaching model but you really
should still have a coach
lol. Seriously – Even though I’m a coach
I still invest in coaching
We all have blind spots friends
Like areas of our life that we just don’t see as areas of improvement
And that’s what a coach does
Thats what I do for my clients
Show them areas where they don’t see opportunity to make changes
And when they do – let me tell you – they make some amazing changes
I can’t even tell you how much fun it is to hear women telling me they said no to
the cake, they are starting a business, they are upleveling their career –
Ok. So let’s dive in and give you a taste of it
Wait – hold on a minutes..
let me take a moment to explain why I think this is important to know
So often we go through life at the effect of everything around us
We think things happen to us
And when we think like this we are sometime left in the role of a victim
What I mean is – we think the boss makes us angry
Or the partner makes us sad
Whatever it is –
I usually feels terrible
And if you are feeling terrible because you think you are the victim..
Well you are pretty much screwed because if you are the victim
and they are the villain you have no power to change
Knowing the self coaching model allows you to hold all the power in your life
You get to see how its ALWAYS your thinking that is making you feel a certain way
And you guys – your feelings are EVERYTHING
It drives all of your actions in life
And then of course you get results based on your actions
Now you are empowered to create the life you want
So let me break this down for you
I want you to imagine a vertical line with the following letters
This is going to be the format of the self coaching model – or I’ll just call it the model from now on
For this podcast I’m going to just go into the foundation of it – I will dive deeper into ideas in upcoming episodes
Ok – the C stands for Circumstance
A circumstance is anything in life we don’t control –
It is something that is a fact
Everyone could agree on it
It would be held up in a court of law
So some examples of Circumstances may be – it is currently 89 degrees out
Or another person said (insert the exact words)
I ate exactly 4 cookies, 2 pizzas, and one diet coke yesterday
Fact – all can be proven
With me so far?
Its seems easy now but let’s move to the T and we can start to see a little trickiness
The T is for your thoughts
So every Circumstance triggers a thought
And the reason I say it gets a little tricky is because sometimes we think things in our lives are facts –
Or circumstances –
But they are really thoughts
Knowing the difference is EVERYTHING
And honestly – all joking aside – this is the point where a coach is super helpful
Even for me – I tell my coach things as if they are facts and she’s like.. ummm – no
Ok – so a thought is going to be a sentence in your mind –
About the circumstance
We have so many thoughts throughout a day
Experts estimate 60-80 thousand thoughts a day!
And most of those are unconscious my friends
So doing this work brings more awareness to your life
And the other thing – sometimes we have thought thoughts over and over for so long they become our beliefs
We think they are just facts
I know one belief I’ve had is you have to work hard to make money
But I have to tell you.. I’ve been looking around
And I see a lot of people not working so hard – working smarter
And making a lot more money than me
So I’m open to reconsidering that
And that’s the other part of this –
Knowing the self coaching model allows you to better see what you are believing in life
And deciding if you want to keep believing it
Let me give you some examples
Sometimes I’ll work with people who tell me how terrible their boss is
It might look something like –
Hes terrible at his job
Now they may think you are just telling me an observation –
Like its a fact – he’s terrible at his job
But that sentence
is a thought
The Circumstance would be
telling me exactly what he said
So maybe the words were –
Lets say He said
I can’t help you – you have to figure it out
So the circumstance will be the words he said exactly
And the thought is
He’s terrible at his job
So if we are looking at that vertical line
you have the C and The T filled in
C is – he said I can’t help you have to figure it out
T is he’s terrible at his job
Now to the F
The F stands for feeling
Every thought we have triggers a feeling
You guys – feelings are so important
Feelings are what drives all of our actions – or in actions
So really paying attention to your feelings is everything
Oh – this has been my work
Let me tell you
Because listen – we don’t grow up – well at least I didn’t
Going around talking about our feelings
No – you got to work lol.. right – I just told you you work hard to get money
So who has time for feelings
But you have to start paying attention to the feelings
if you want to make changes in your life
So lets continue to the model down with the same example
Remember – the C is he said I can’t help you have to figure it out
The T is – he’s terrible at his job
The F is frustrated –
I mean think about it for yourself what your F would be
If I’m thinking my boss is terrible at his job –
which by the way I do not –
this is simply an example I hear at times…lol…
I think I’m safe – I don’t think he
Anyhow – let’s say you are feeling frustrated when you think this
now what do you do?
Let’s continue to move down that CTFAR line
and we are at A – the actions
Here’s what I see a lot in the action line of an example like this
People bitch and complain to other co-workers,
they don’t do their job,
and they spin in the frustration of having this terrible boss
They take home the frustration and complain to a partner or ruminate on it
Am I right?
But what is the result when you are complaining to others and not doing your work?
You are terrible at YOUR job
So your thinking about how terrible he is at his job,
leads you to being terrible at your job
Now let me show you how you can have a different result –
Without your boss changing at all
And without you leaving
lol.. I know –
You all thought I was going to say leave or have him fired right? lol.
No – we never want to change the Circumstance
Wait – listen – if we could change the boss I’m all in but people don’t change friends
So we take the power and we do the work to get the different results in our life
Still with me?
I love this stuff!
Ok – so now let’s do another model where you can see the difference
The C stays the same –
Boss still says – I can’t help – you have to figure it out
What could be some new thought options?
Maybe something like –
I can totally figure this out
I don’t need him to do my job
This is going to be fun
Really take the time to think about what you want to think about
And try on the thoughts
Like you are trying on clothes
What fits?
You have to be sure you believe the thought
I like the thought –
I can totally figure it out on my own
So the C is the same
The T is now
I can totally figure this out on my own
And my F is determined
When I feel determined what are my actions going to be?
I’m going to research, I’m going to try things, I’ll ask others..
See the difference?
Now my result is –
Well if I’m researching and trying things and asking others
I am totally going to figure it out
You guys – can you see how a simple change in thinking can make all the difference in your results?
I love taking this work to a deep level with my clients
It is so empowering
And listen – this is the first week in October
You know what that means?
2020 is knocking on the door baby
Start using this tool now to make the changes you are wanting
It is the secret sauce to reaching every goal you are dreaming of
OK – so I told you I had something new for you too
I just created another new tool
I hear so many of you looking to find some sort of balance
Or less stress and anxiety in your day
So I created a 3 step guide to more balance and less stress
Just go to and you can download it there
Plus –
When you do – you get on my mailing list for additional free content
As well as learn how to work with me one on one if you are ready
I hope it helps
Remember – we can always connect on FB and IG – michellebourquecoaching –
I love to what resonates so be sure to like and comment
It’s so much fun
Ok – that ’s what I have for your today
Let’s circle back next week
But for now – make it a great day – take care!

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