The Most Important Relationship You Have in Your Life
It’s heart month! Each week in February we will have a heart focused topic – heart-healthy, love, relationships – all of it.
In today’s episode, I discuss the most important relationship you have in your life: it’s the one you have with yourself – self-love. The relationship you have with yourself is based on your thoughts about yourself. Today I talk to you about why it’s important for you to become aware of those thoughts, and how you can begin building the relationship you have with yourself.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Mean girl talk
- The importance of the relationship you have with yourself
- The thoughts you have about yourself
- Being curious and compassionate with yourself
- Motivation of self
- Inner critic vs Inner Advocate
- Scheduling time to do more of what you want
- Martha Beck – You Spot it You Got It
Link to worksheet https://mailchi.mp/michellebourquecoaching.com/67
Link to Work with Me: https://michellebourquecoaching.com/work-with-me/
Hello hello hello – how are you guys today? Its February – heart month right?
I’m going to have heart themes for each podcast this month So that might be healthy heart topics
It might be topics on love Or relationships
So much fun
Ok – but I want to start by telling you a story I was recently chatting with a gal
And let me tell you She was rude
Like snap your ﬁngers and shake your head
I know – you might be saying Michelle
You say its not people that are rude Its your thoughts about them..lol.. Well let me tell you what went down And then we can decide
So – I was chatting with her about something at work An idea I thought I should do
But really didn’t want to
And her quick response was –
It doesn’t matter what you want to do It’s work
I was like huh
And then – I was telling her how I didn’t eat great the day before And normally I weigh myself everyday
But on that day I was saying how I thought I would pass on the weigh in Since I didn’t eat so great
And you know what she said? Oh no
You have to pay the piper Get on the scale
I went to the track to go for my possibility walk And when I arrived I was like –
Oh – looks like there are just two older ladies here And she says
And now you make 3 Rude right?
But here’s the thing you guys The gal
I have been paying attention to the thoughts I have About myself
And today I want to talk to you
About the thoughts we have about ourselves
Do you ever even pay attention to what you say? I think a lot of times
These thoughts are just humming underneath our consciousness
But they can really mess with the relationship we have with ourselves Now – let me stop here
Why is the relationship we have with ourself so important? It’s everything
It’s everything in creating the life you want to live
It’s everything in how you show up for your loved ones A lot of times
I think people think the self help work Or taking time for self care
It is the opposite my friends Think about this
We always feel like we have to do the “Right” thing
And take care of everyone around us
It’s the nice thing to do right? And leave ourselves for last
But pay attention to how you feel when you do all of that A lot of times overwhelmed
And a lot of times you don’t really want to And you are resenting it
So what is so nice about that?
Vs taking the time to be more intentional with what you really want to do
I want to encourage you to try a little experiment Start paying attention to how you feel when you Think you should be doing all of it
And then start thinking about what you want to do Notice the diﬀerence in the two feelings
When you are feeling more in line with doing things you want to do You are not telling yourself the stories
About how you never have any time
And you can never do anything you want to Listen, in every moment your are
Choosing what you are doing It’s always a choice
Ok – so what does it look like to do more of what you want? It has nothing to do with telling others they aren’t important
It has everything to do with you telling yourself YOU are also important So where do you start?
Awareness is always ﬁrst
What are the things you say to yourself?
About yourself? Every day.
I would even say take some time each day and write it all down That’s how I came upon some of mine
You don’t really know what’s going on in that crazy brain until you get it out Now – would you ever talk to your friend like that?
But we think if we talk to ourselves Like beating ourselves up
We will get to the goal Right?
So messed up
Like we think we can beat ourselves up to being thin Saying things like –
You will never get to that weight It’s been a long time
You never do it right
Do you know you literally create who you are by What you are thinking?
Let me give you an example from myself
I used to ALWAYS say my days were crazy I had no control over my time
It felt like SUCH a fact
But it was really just a thought
A thought that made me feel helpless Or out of control
And what happens when you feel out of control
Or helpless Not much right
Because what action comes from feeling helpless?
So you know what – everything else around me controlled my time Not me
But do you see why that happened? Because of what I was thinking
I don’t think that any more
I know I am in total control of every single second of my life And you know what?
I have become sooo much more eﬃcient And can I tell you a secret?
I’m in the process of taking another course
which is going to take the eﬃciency to an entirely new level I can’t wait to share that with you in the coming months
Ok – so You guys
Listen to me
Trust me to at least just try this
Stop with the talk of beating yourself up Or not having control
This is not the way we motivate people Bring in some compassion Compassion for yourself
Can you imagine if you talked to a kid the way we speak to ourselves Like- ﬁ they are trying to learn a new skill
You would cheer her on
Let her know its going to be ok She can ﬁgure it out
Try talking to yourself like that Just try it
You’ve already done the beating up for years See if something changes with this
We each have an inner critic and an inner advocate within us Which one do you choose to turn up?
The inner critic will just bring your self esteem down Which is what I talk about
when I talk about the relationship you have with yourself When you start increasing the volume on the inner advocate Oh my gosh –
wait to see the things you can do
Ok – I want to give you another way to show yourself some love Or compassion
And ensure you have time to do more what you want Schedule it
I know –
There is always so much resistance to this Start small
Put on your calendar speciﬁc time to do what you want It could literally be 10 or 15 minutes in the morning
to have time to yourself
And then stick to it
Literally put the time on the calendar 530am-545am – reading – whatever it is Remember – when you make a commitment And stick to it
Its like a vote for your future self
Each vote builds the relationship you have with yourself Showing yourself that you do what you say you will do And as you do that over and over
You are much more likely to try new amazing things Because you know you will get it done
I know you likely don’t think you have the time to do this I used to think the same thing
Just be open to the idea That you could be wrong What if you are wrong?
What if you really have the 10 or 15 minutes Maybe, just maybe, you start to ﬁnd them You guys
This is the process of building self esteem And living your life intentionally
I have another tool to help Increase the love
Or self esteem
you have for yourself
Think about someone you think is amazing
What are the qualities she or he has That you love so much
The qualities you admire in them You already within yourself
I think it was Martha Beck –
who has been on Oprah my friends So that means something right? Lol I believe she called it
– you spot it you got it
So all the qualities you think they have
– you spot them
Well you got them as well
Start ﬁnding how are already have them
You might be surprised.
I know I was when I did it
Ok – I gave you a lot this week This work is so important
Pay attention to what you think of yourself Next – do you like what you think?
You can change it
Begin using compassion as you reach for your goals Stop with the inner critic
And get your free time on the calendar
I know it seems a little odd – free time scheduled?
Yes – it’s so freeing
Treat it like its an important meeting with the CEO And then – play a game of you spot it you got it It’s so fascinating – remember
Our brains love to ﬁnd evidence for what we believe to be true So if we start being curious – and compassionate
You just might be surprised to see how amazing you really are Its so much fun to do this work
And everyone around you beneﬁts
And listen – I currently have 5 spots open for my one on one coaching program My guess is you think you don’t have time – lol – that’s what I thought for awhile Here’s what I want to tell you
You can’t aﬀord to not take the time to do this Live the life you want
Show others how it is done
Doing the work truly allows you to create the life you imagine
Go to www.michellebourquecoaching.com and click on work with me
We will get on a call
I speak to every client before we commit Just to make sure we know where you are Where you want to be
And make sure its a good ﬁt.
AND – I also have another worksheet for you on the information here today
– it will be in the show notes
And it will just organize what I’ve discussed here for you Download it, work on it, and see what comes up for you
And of course feel free to reach out to me with any questions as you do it Ok – that’s what I have for you today
Let’s circle back next week
But for now – make it a great day – take care!