Telling Others How Amazing You Are

Telling Others How Amazing You Are

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I was recently speaking with a colleague and she was talking about how she likes to stay behind the scenes. The conversation really got me thinking about how many women think this way. But the truth is, this line of thinking is not useful when we want to continue to improve ourselves and excel in our careers.

One of my favorite quotes from Robin Arzon – Peloton Lady Boss
“If it doesn’t increase my vibe or my bank account – Its a no”. This idea is what I want to talk to you about today – the idea of self-promotion and increasing your vibe – or confidence – around telling others how amazing you are.

IN THIS EPISODE:

Link to Confidence Guide:
https://mailchi.mp/michellebourquecoaching.com/72

Link to work with me:
https://michellebourquecoaching.com/work-with-me/

TRANSCRIPT

Hello hello hello
How are you guys today?
Amazing
Hopefully
Well not even hopefully
I know you are pretty amazing
You are hear listening right?
Which tells me
you want to continue to improve your life
And I know when you do that

Everyone benefits
So let’s be clear
I think you are amazing
If you don’t believe me yet
Why not?
It’s an interesting thing to think about
I was recently speaking with a colleague
And she was talking about how she likes to stay behind the scenes
And some of the conversation really got me thinking
About how many women think this way
And for sure I used to really think this way
But then
I thought about how it is really
not useful thinking for us
If in fact
We want to continue to improve our lives
and excel in our careers
One of my favorite quotes from Robin Arzon
Peloton Lady Boss and my Spirit Animal
she just doesn’t know that second part..
Yet ..lol.
Is –
If it doesn’t increase my vibe
Or my bank account
Its a no
How fun is that?
And its what I want to talk to you about today

The idea of self promotion
And increasing your vibe – or confidence
Around that
And as you put yourself out there more
And excel more
I think your bank account will follow
Lol
Now
I want to be clear
thinking this way
Or promoting yourself
Does not mean you are putting others down
Or thinking you are better than them
So lets start there
There is a difference between
Self adulation
Which is having an excessively high opinion of yourself
And
Self promotion
Which is more along the lines of
Promoting or publicizing yourself –
Or you activities
And you guys
Think about this
Self promotion could be an opportunity
To inspire othes
To show them what is possible

People like to cheer for things
That make them feel good
So maybe it’s not your specific activity
But it’s the ideas around it
Maybe they start thinking
Well – if she can do it
Maybe it’s possible for me
But what happens is
Especially as females
We Think people should
Just know right?
Lke they should just know we did a good job
They should just know we took care of it all
They should just know we are ready for the promotion
Let me fill you in on a secret
I have learned
They don’t
And
They won’t
unless you figure you how to let them know
And that my friends can be super uncomfortable for some of us
As I was working on this podcast I came across
A quote from the book

Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead,
The author
Tara Mohr

was responding in an interview and said
as women we are often not good at owning our accomplishments,
and explains in her book
this is often why women in particular excel as students:
It’s quiet, heads-down work
that’s then graded independently—
it’s good work that’s then recognized as good work,
without the need to draw any extra attention.
This “good girl” modeling doesn’t serve us very well
in the real world, though,
where it’s easy to get overlooked
if you’re not inclined
to point out all of your accomplishments.
Does that resonate?
So many of my clients are the
Gotta get an A personality
The work hard ethic
Like – my colleague said –
Just take care of it behind the scenes
And the powers that be will figure it out
Thats a negative friends
We need to own it
And its interesting because along those lines
There are studies that show
Women are more inclined to wait to put themselves
Up for a promotion
Until they feel like they have all the boxes check

Its like we think we need to over prepare almost
I get it
This is something I’ve gotten better at
But still have areas of improvement
Because listen
We all have human brains
And remember
Our brain is wired to remain comfortable
So just sitting in the background…
Pretty comfy
When you have to step up and pick up the mic
To say – hey –
I did that
Well …
Not so comfy
But that doesn’t mean
Don’t do it
It means jump in
Because on the other side of discomfort
Is the next best version of you
The first step
Is to be on to yourself
Why aren’t you stepping up to discuss the great things you are doing?
Ask yourself why
You specifically
Are staying in the background
And my guess is

The first answer you get
Might be
I don’t know
We do not accept
I don’t know as an answer here
You know why?
Because I don’t know
Stops your brain f
rom accessing the answer
I don’t know
Keeps you in confusion
I don’t know
Keeps you in inaction
I don’t know
Keeps you safe
But
I think if you are listening to this
You want more than safe
There is so much more to life
On the other side of safe
If
you are willing to figure this out
So be curious
Ask yourself –
If you had an idea
If you did know
What do you think the reason would be?

I really want to encourage you to do this for yourself
But let’s use the example of
They should just know
Ask yourself again
why?
And you know what
Lets stop for a second
Be clear on who you are making
“them” out to be
Is it your boss?
So your boss should just know
Why?
Because it’s her job
Challenge that answer
Is it really her job?
Maybe in part
But maybe she also has a team of 15 other people
And her own boss she deals with
And knowing what everyone is doing
At all times
Is that really realistic?
And by the way
If you aren’t getting the promotions
Because she doesn’t “Just know”
Maybe that job should be taken away from her
And given to you
Who does know

But first
You have to get over yourself
And the stories your brain might be telling you
So this goes in line with what I discuss
When I talk about taking responsibility
for everything in your life right?
And when I say get over yourself
I mean just recognize
What you are avoiding most
When you don’t take the initiative
to let others know how amazing you are
You are avoiding
Feeling a feeling
Like maybe embarrassment
Or feeling akward
Or anxious
I have great news or you though
feeling those feelings never killed anyone
It’s just a chemical response in your body
That initiates an emotion
It doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong
So
after you are on to yourself
The next step is to summons up some courage
Courage allows you to
go ahead and take action
Even through those feelings

of anxiety and embarrassment
And
That’s where you see the growth
See –
people think you need to feel confident in order to do something like this
But that is actually not true
You need to feel courageous
Dan Sullivan talks about the 4 c’s
First you need a commitment
So To yourself
for todays purpose
But you can use this formula for any goal
In fact – I’m sharing a free guide with you today
On how to build confidence
I’ll put the link in the show notes
download it
And make it specific to you
I use some examples in the guide
But make it work for you
So – you for this example you are committed to promoting yourself
Next – you need the courage I talked about
You need the courage to let your boss know
That you did something amazing
Now – don’t be fooled
Courage sounds so great right?
Well it doesn’t feel great
As my coach says

Courage feels like shit lol
Courage is defined as
The ability to do something
That frightens you
So you are scared to tell your boss
How amazing you are
But you will do it anyways
Stop here and ask yourself
What are the obstacles
List out all of what you think is stopping you
And then list a solution
to each one of those obstacles
That’s how you get there
So lets say
You tell her how
You completed the deal and you bought in more than expected
As you do that
as you build on your courage
And do it more
You increase your capabilities
And on the other side of that
Is the confidence
You get to confidence on the other side of courage
Now –
One other angle for you to consider
Sometimes
it’s also the story we are telling ourselves
About who we think we are

Based on our past
That keeps us holding back
You guys know
I’m open to sharing shifts I have through
Doing this work
Because I think it is so important
for me to keep growing
So I can help my clients
And you
Which by the way
If you are not my client
Because you are afraid you don’t know if you can do it
I see you
I was you
You can do it
We should totally chat
I’ll also add in the show notes how we can hook up
So recently my coach was asking me some questions
She’s amazing at asking great questions
Oh – and you guys
Super side note
I am going to have her on
An upcoming podcast
It’s going to be so much fun
So stay tuned
Ok –
Let me just say –

here is the thing about coaching
It really allows us to have someone else
Show us our brain
And what we are thinking
And how that is giving us the results we have
Because
If we think about the thought model
We know
Our thoughts always create our results
So like I said
she was asking me some questions
And I said something like
Well that’s just not me –
I’m the fat kid that never got picked
And in my mind I was just telling her the facts
Like reporting the news..lol..
But those are thoughts
And her follow up question was
Can you just let the fat girl go
Love her and let her go
And step into who you are today
Woah
That was something I did not see coming
You guys
Its so funny
Even as coaches we need a coach
Because we are like –

Wait – you mean that’s just a thought?
Lol
Again – we all have human brains
It was so enlightening
And you guys
I self coach daily
But sometimes we just have these stories
Or beliefs
That are so engrained
We need someone to help us see
What is possible for us
I want you to know
Anything is possible for you too
You just need the courage to get started
And you could literally have a different life
This time next year
It’s like magic
Ok – that’s what I have for you today
Remember to check out the show notes for the guide
and how to work with me more
Lets circle back next week
But for now
Make it a great day –
Take care!

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