Perfectionism

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Welcome back to the podcast. Today we are talking about perfectionism, and how to change our expectations in order to let go of the fantasy of achieving perfection, and how to actually achieve our goals. I don’t like to go shopping because I think I’m going to “mess it up”. Maybe none of the options will be my style or won’t look good, so I just don’t like to go. This is an example of perfection keeping me from something. What does that look like for you? What is perfection keeping you from?

Topics in this episode

• Definition of perfection
• How perfection leads to procrastination
• How we perceive a lack of perfection
• The opposite of perfection isn’t failure. It’s completion.
• How to implement the minimum baseline
• Complete it. Learn from it. Move on.

If you’re looking for more ways to find the balance between your professional and personal life, head over to https://michellebourquecoaching.com/freebie/ and there you can download a free 5-day course. You start designing what balance looks like for you, and start letting go of the stress and the overwhelm.

Transcript

Hello hello hello –
What’s going on today friends?
Welcome back to the podcast – I’m so happy you are here
Ahhh The end of August –
Getting ready for the final summer hurrah for Labor Day weekend and everyone is getting back to schedules and routines right?
Well – we have one more weekend and then… well then no white pants right?
lol..
I have no idea actually – I am for sure not any shade of a fashionista..lol..
I do not enjoy shopping – at all – its funny because my sister and mom – man – shopping to them is like therapy – lol….
They prefer that as therapy for sure over any life coaching suggestions I might have ..lol..
I actually think part of me not liking shopping has to do with what I’m talking about today.
Perfection.
You know – what you tell yourself you have to be every single day
I have a lot of people pleasing perfectionists either around me – or I work with – or as clients
We should totally start our own tribe ladies.
But here’s the thing
Perfectionism is a lie
It’s something we tell ourselves – and actually use against ourselves as a great way to beat ourselves up right
So when I talk about not liking shopping part of that is because I think I’m going to
mess it up
In air quotes
My brain likes to tell me none of it will really look good
and whatever I get is not really my style..hahaha – whatever my style is
So instead I just don’t go
And so many of you do this to yourselves – just give up in advance because You think it won’t be perfect
I was recently talking to somebody about a project they were working on and procrastinating about
Here’s what happens – we tell ourselves it has to be perfect or we shouldn’t bother doing it at all
So we fail ahead of time – because we remain in stagnation
Sometimes we really have to get it done so we jam it in
But sometimes we just give up on our dreams because we don’t want to put ourselves out there and seem like we are failing
So messed up right?
We think lack of perfection is – like –
close to death
Seriously – think about this – we sometimes compare our lack of progress to a train crash
We can be so dramatic right?
Like – oh – I couldn’t get jack on track – or – my plans got derailed ..
Really?
There are no tracks for going after your goals
– and you never fall off a wagon /
there is no wagon
My friend
Oh – too funny – that just gave me a visual me of Laura Ingalls –
wagons.. lol –
Wagons were years ago
so stop telling yourself that
And if you don’t know who Laura Ingalls is – go look her up
I have no idea where that came from
So here’s the deal –
Let me ask you this
what of the opposite of perfection
was not failure
What if it was –
done – completed – finished
Yes –
What if the opposite of perfectionism was – completed – done
Insert head tilts.. lol
My people pleasing perfectionist friends
– I see you –
takes one to know one they say right?
Well I’m in recovery.. lol
I mean it – what if you gave up perfection and added on completion of more goals
The thing is – we treat perfectionism like a stack of cards – if one thing doesn’t go perfectly it all falls apart –
We think the entire goal is ruined –
and so we stop.
But what if you didn’t have to be perfect all the time and you actually decided to finish any goal
Then you Learned from it
And moved on
We tend to focus on the things we didn’t finish
– and then go through a thought loop on it
over and
over
Did you ever notice – let’s say you want to lose 10 pounds
And you lose 8
What does your brain focus on?
The 2 pounds you didn’t lose –
With nothing to mention about the 8 you did!
That’s the stuff to start being aware of.
Because it turns into this cycle –
where now you feel terrible about not losing the full 10
and tell yourself you can never lose the weight
and on and on
But on the flip side –
you also have the option to give yourself credit for losing the 8 –
look at what worked –
what didn’t work –
and what You can differently
That goes for any goal
Complete it – learn from it
And each time you do you grow as an individual.
Way more then if you just remained stagnant out of fear what you were doing would not be perfect.
It’s like perfectionism tells us our goals are not big enough.
Here’s a crazy question –
just something to explore
and see what comes up for you
What if you cut your goal in half?
Ohhhh – now I have a visual of All you the perfectionists with the emoji of the head exploding lol
Stay with me here
Think about maybe a New Years Eve resolution – maybe you said you were going to work out every day of the week
Well – Monday and Tuesday you were ready to go
and then Wednesday
you were like –
ehhhh
And then Thursday –
well of course work stuff came up
And by Friday you are like –
why bother
But what if you cut that goal in half to begin?
I like to use tool I call Minimum Baseline with my clients
So in this example –
getting to the gym –
the minimum baseline might be 3 times a week
So when you are good with Monday and Tuesday
and then Wednesday you might be like –
ehhh…
but you know it’s only one more workout for the week
so you go
And then you have stuck to your plan
Honored the commitment to yourself
And completed it
It wasn’t perfectly 7 times a week
but you know what it was –
3 completed workouts vs the 2 and screw it mindset
which then you best yourself up about
There is something to it –
and really –
at the end of the day ask yourself
what is the worse thing that can happen if you cut it in half?
I mean listen –
the Minimum Baseline doesn’t say you can’t go to the gym any other day –
you can if you want –
But The goal is for you to let go of the fantasy you have of perfection
and begin showing yourself the ways in which you do show up for yourself every single day
Make sense ?
I love to hear from you guys so please – feel free to reach out to me on Facebook or Instagram – Michelle Bourque Coaching
And – if you are looking for more ways to find Blanco between your professional and personal life head over to Michellebourque Coaching.com/freebie for a free 5 day course
Begin designing what balance looks like for you and let go of the stress and overwhelm
Plus
You get on my email list and I share additional free content over there.
So much fun!
Ok – that’s what I have for you today – I hope you have a fabulous Labor Day weekend
Let’s circle back next week – it for now – make it a great day – take care!