Independence, Fireworks, and Celebrations in Your Life

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IN THIS EPISODE:

  • Independence from your old beliefs
  • Fireworks in your relationships
  • Celebrations
  • michellebourquecoaching.com

TRANSCRIPT:

Hello hello hello –

Happy Fourth Of July!

This is one of my favorite holidays – the fourth and Thanksgiving.

So in honor of 4th of July I’m going to relate some traditions of the holiday to different concepts I like to teach.

I know – sometimes I like to change it up and not just be so on one topic.

I know you can keep up – just like my girlfriends do.

Lol.. Have you ever noticed – you can totally be hanging with a girlfriend and talk about 10 different topics and be right on the same page throughout the conversation?

But when I go home and try the same with my husband – it’s like I’m making his brain explode and he stops me in my tracks-  one thing at a time..lol..

Ok – well since I know he doesn’t listen to this – we are cleared for take off…lol.

Let’s start with some ideas around Declaration of Independence.

So we know in history – with Declaration, the new states took a collective first step toward forming the United States of America.

They were 13 independent states – no longer under British rule.

Here’s what I want to ask you about this.

How independent do you think you are?

I mean  – I know we are all independent – but what about some of the beliefs you have?

See, we have a set of beliefs as adults.

Now, most of us have learned those beliefs from our parents – or other family members.

And as we grow up, well – we just think these are the rules of life.

Most times we don’t even question them.

And why would we?

If they are working for you – cool.

But maybe you have some results in your life that you wish were different.

That’s where we would want to start questioning.

Here are some examples that either I have thought – or come from my clients –

You have to work hard for your money

Money is the root of all evil

It’s better to save

A good mom doesn’t make too much money… because that would mean she was working too much

It’s nice to eat what someone has served you

You should do what makes your partner happy

You think of your own that may apply but this can get us started.

And some of these you may be saying – yes – that’s true.

But here’s what I want to suggest.

A belief is simply a thought you have thought over and over and now you believe it.

It doesn’t make it a fact.

It’s still a thought.

And like I mentioned – all beliefs usually come from programming we have learned over the years.

But it’s almost like a suitcase – you don’t have to keep dragging it along with the same belongings..

You can decide to take a few out – shake them out and decide if you want to keep – or become independent of them.

So let me just give you some alternative ideas on some of the beliefs I mentioned.. and you get to decide what you want to do with them..

You have to work hard for your money

This is for sure something I have believed forever.  And –I might even add-  if you don’t work hard for it you are likely not really a good person.

Why do we believe this?

I mean – seriously – let’s get curious.

I think money makes us be able to be more of who we are.

So if you are already a little evil and you get more money you might get a little more evil.

But what about if you are kind and giving and generous and then you have more money and can give, share and incrrease your generosity.

Money is the root of all evil

Really?

So what about all the foundations that take money to help kids with cancer, or help build homes, or feed the hungry?  The money that is given for all the charities is evil?

Let’s just stay curious here…

It’s better to save

For what?

I mean – don’t people say you save for a rainy day?  What does that mean?  What are you doing with your money on a rainy day that you don’t do when it’s sunny?

And I don’t know about you but its’ been really rainy here lately – I would be broke if that’s what I saved for lol…

I’m going to fill you in on something.

I have invested more money into my brain in the past 2 years than I have ever saved.. and I have received it back at least in double… honestly.

Your brain is the most powerful tool you have – and I’ll tell you what – the more you clean up your thinking the more efficient you get at working.

We invest more in our car payments than we do in our mental health.

I’m not saying just go out and blow all your money – but I am suggesting you start thinking about why you are doing some of the things you do with your money.

A good mom doesn’t make too much money… because that would mean she was working too much

This is one I recently heard.

This one and something along the lines you have to be home with the kid as much as possible.

Really?

I’m sure there are some moms out there that are screaming and resentful being home all day.

Does that make her better?

This is not about judging moms.

This is about how you might be judging yourself based on beliefs you have.

But what if showing your kids how independent they can be, or how they can accomplish whatever they set their mind to – what if that was what makes you a great mom?

Have some fun with this – what beliefs are not helping you get the results you want in your life and what ones do you want to be free of?

Start packing your own suitcase – You get to decide.

OK – next up – fireworks.

We all love some good fireworks right?

Welll on the fourth we do.

But not so much usually – if the fireworks are from out bursts of anger because someone isn’t behaving properly.

And I don’t mean your kids.

I mean like other adults.

Your spouse.

Your boss.

Your friend.

Your sibling.

We all have manuals for these people in our lives.

You know what a manual is right?

The operating instructions to your washing machine is considered a manual.

And so are the instructions you have tucked inside your head for others.

Things like –

He should send me flowers on my birthday.

She should show up on time.

They should recognize my efforts.

She should stop talking to mom like that.

Think about what your manuals look like for others.

I mean… we really do know best how they should show up in their life right? Lol..

Here’s the thing.

They don’t always show up the way we think they should.

And then we can get so angry right?

I mean – if only they would do it right – well then everything would be so much better.

Now listen – I am here cheering you on to request things you want in life.

But – what I want to offer you is – stop basing your emotional well being on whether or not they do it.

Because they usually don’t do it just like you want.

And by the way – we don’t usually even tell them exactly what we want – we think they should just know – I mean – it seems so obvious to us right?  Lol..

But its not my friend.

Now of course you can keep doing what you are doing – but if you trust me on this one, those fireworks will not be based in anger…

In fact- maybe those fireworks will come from a deeper level of love you find … – who knows – dare I say 50 Shades of fireworks?  Lol…

Ok – one more – celebrations.

Everyone likes a nice 4th of July celebration right?

Celebrations are great – until they are not.

What I mean is – sometimes the celebrations turn into one too many and then the next day you are feeling hung over, or groggy, or bloated from the extra food – and I think the worse part is usually the negative self chatter that goes on.

You telling yourself you should not have said what you said.

Or you should not have had the extra wine or food.

All of that judgement has no upside.

I work with women who want to feel less stress – for some of them the go to to reduce the stress is wine.

But then they have the extra negative chatter which just piles on.

So I always suggest two things to begin –

Compassion and curiousity.

So the next time you have more than you wanted to drink for example – get curious.

Drop the judgement – it’s a waste of your time.

Drop into compassion – you will open yourself up to so many more answers.

Take a look at what was going on.

Learn from it.

Decide what you can do differently next time instead.

And enjoy your time – with purpose.

I hope you all have a fabulous 4th!.

That’s what I have for you this week – let’s circle back next but for now – make it a great day – take care.

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