How to “Fail” Properly
IN THIS EPISODE:
- MY RECENT FAIL
- IMPORTANCE OF KNOWING DEEP DOWN
- FAILING = LEARNING
Hello my friends!
How are you today?
I have to say – I’m feeling a mix of feelings this morning.
OK- if I’m being honest – last night I was so annoyed at my husband because he kept tossing and turning and in my opinion belly aching b/c he couldn’t get to sleep – I was like buddy – just b/c you cant sleep doesn’t mean the rest of us shouldn’t be able to ..lol..
But then this morning I found out about a young guy in our community – a husband and dad – passed away suddenly – so sad – and I have to tell you – in that moment I was feeling so grateful for what I previously considered belly aching.
This happens right – we sometimes get so caught up in life – the crazy – the mess – all of it – and we forget to take the time to really be grateful for the things that matter.
And in line with that – I think you guys matter – I am seriously so pumped to see more and more people are finding this podcast – I love sharing the tools, and I hope you are able to find some use and be able to make changes in your life.
I feel like a new person – most days – since I’ve started doing this work – and I promise – when you do the work on you you will be amazed.
Now- if you notice – I said most days..lol..
Because I am still human.
And I still have a human brain.
So – I want to share a little story with you about something that recently happened and I could totally see my brain go back to old ways of thinking.
I have mentioned before I am part of a Master Mind group.
It’s a bunch of amazing ladies – all working to share these tools and help make a difference in the world.
Well – my coach recently had a challenge for us.
And at the end of the challenge I was informed I was one of the ones not invited back for the second half of the year
I can come back the next round – but for now I have to step away, work on some areas, and plan for the next application.
Immediately my brain went to the old story – I failed, I’m a failure, what was I thinking?
And I know so many of you have this – or some version of it – running in your brain –
I know because you reach out through the consult calls I offer – or you are a client – and at some point we have discussed.
But do you guys know how much time we waste in our lives telling ourselves we are failures?
Beating ourselves up.
Listen, we all want to be loved, or to be approved of – its like a human condition I am convinced – this need to belong, be wanted, be loved.
But the thing is – we are looking for that approval and love from outside sources.
So for me in this instance – it was the approval of my coach right?
Like I think I failed because I didn’t meet her expectations.
This gives external sources all of our power.
And we can’t control external sources so if that is where we are looking for our approval we are in trouble.
We need to start knowing deep down – within us – that we are doing all right.
Even saying something like “I know deep down this is going to be all right” – brings the power back to you.
Keep in mind – our brain loves to tell us all the negative – too fat, not enough money, not enough friends – all of the external – but we can also choose to think on purpose – we are enough.
You are enough.
Now what will you do with your life?
You want to know something super fascinating?
I always tell the clients I work with how awareness is almost like a process.
Here’s what I mean – when you first start this work you may not notice what you were thinking until it is over.
So for some people when we work on getting more time in their life it may be part of a plan that includes cutting back on drinking or eating in order to be more productive.
So they may first start becoming aware of time wasted after the fact – learn from it and do something different the next time.
Then what happens is – you become aware of what is going on like as it is going on.
So maybe you are catching yourself having an extra glass of wine or cookie and know you will be sluggish if you continue so you stop in process.
And then you get to a point where you know you are heading into a situation where you may get off your planned activities – but now you have a heads up and decide how to stick to your plan.
I could totally see my brain going nutty in the process of finding out I wasn’t invited back.
So I was able to self coach out of it quickly.
What I mean is – back in the day I would beat myself up for it – for days.
This is the wasted time you guys.
When your brain is focusing time and energy on the negative it shuts you down from being able to move forward and create new results.
We think failing is the end of the world.
But what if it is actually just the beginning of something new?
Thinking you are a failure is a choice.
We don’t have to believe that.
What I ended up doing is asking myself – ok, what can I learn from this?
Funny – I was actually on a Peloton ride this morning and Alex said something like –
Find the lesson
The lesson is a blessing
And when you know the blessing can stop stressing
I think that’s how it went..
But it is totally true
So – when something like this happens to you.
Ask yourself –
First – what can I learn from this?
Second – how is this happening perfect for me?
I get it – it might seem like a stretch in the moment, but it is seriously so worth taking the time to figure out –
How can this be perfect for you?
If we are always afraid to fail we are going to limit ourselves friends.
Think about it – when you are afraid you are going to fail – well what are you not attempting to do?
Sometimes when I do consult calls with you you tell me you are scared – totally makes sense –
Taking the time and money to invest in yourself is usually something new – and if you are already afraid to fail you question yourself – am I going to be able to do it?
But what if – you just believed you would learn, and as you learn you will make the changes you want?
That is an option my friend.
What if you started believing – deep down – that you can do anything?
It’s crazy right?
Because it is so easy to go to all the worry thoughts – worry if it goes wrong, worry if you look crazy, worry if – the list goes on.
But if you commit to knowing deep down the externals are not what is so important – it is what you think of you.
When you know deep down you can count on you – well that is when you start to do some new things and when you start to do new things – you get new results.
So much fun!
So – let’s sum it up today.
Failing is learning.
Fail often, fail fast, learn and move on.
You guys – it is your time – your time is not guaranteed so start deciding how you want to spend it.
I want to thank you for spending these few minutes with me – I truly appreciate you taking the time to listen.
I have developed a new 5 day course – it’s free – on how to organize your time – it’s almost like a decluttering – let’s say we are going to Kon Mari our calendars..lol..
Head to michellbouquecoaching.com/freebie to get it.
OK – that’s what I have for you today.
Let’s circle back next week – but for now – make it a great day – take care!