Episode 81 The Importance of the Questions You Ask

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NOTES:

Hello hello hello –

How are you guys doing today?

Listen –

Before we dive into the podcast 

I have something I am super excited to tell you about

I started a private Facebook group 

So we can take this all to a deeper level

I’ll be doing some teaching in there

Some coaching 

And we can all do some connecting 

It is going to be fun!

I’m going to focus on topics 

That help you 

own your life

Like really do more of what you want 

And own the life you have 

It really stems from the podcast title 

It’s your time

Its your time to 

own your life

To do what you want 

More of what you want

Just because 

You want

So – in order to get in 

Just head to michellebourquecoaching.com/itsyourtime

And remember 

Bourque 

Is Bourque 

I can’t wait to see you in there

Ok 

Now – for todays topic

It came about because 

I recently read a book 

QBQ

The Question Behind the Question

And then I heard a podcast with Jim Kwik

Which – by the way –

If you don’t know who he is I suggest you

Check him out

He has great lessons to help you learn 

How to learn 

And learn faster

And really rewire your brain

In fact – I just bought his book 

Limitless

So for sure I’ll let you know how it is

Anyhow 

I was listening to the podcast 

where he was 

Talking about how important

It is for you to ask good questions 

Because in the questions

You find your answer 

And your answers 

Lead to the results you have in your life

So I thought 

I would share with you 

Some of what I took from all of it

how it fits into the coaching I do

with my one on clients

And how it can help you

And let me begin

With something I think is so important 

That came from something Kwik discussed 

And I want you to really think about this 

for you

We often hear the saying 

knowledge is power

But that

 is not really true

Think about it 

You can come here 

and listen to this podcast 

Every week

You can 

read all the books I mention 

And check out 

all the other podcasts

I suggest

So you have knowledge

Or what I like call 

passive action 

So you are taking action

To learn

Which is great 

That’s more than a lot of people do

But 

You don’t grow into your full potential 

Of change

Until you actually do something with it

Which I call massive action

So you take the knowledge 

And put it into action

And then you have power

So as you listen today 

I want you to consider the questions Kwik posed 

1. How can I use this info?
2. Why must I use this info?
3. When will I use this info?

Now you start listening with a different lens 

When you ask the questions 

You activate your reticular activating system

If you clickety clack on the googles you will find

The Reticular Activating System 0r RAS

 is the attention center in the brain. 

It is the key to “turning on your brain” 

some say it’s the gatekeeper of the thoughts 

Allowed into your conscious mind

Your senses have so many things coming at them 

The RAS decides 

what is important to allow in 

The questions you ask

Are important because they 

Will become the filter 

By which 

you receive your answers

Our brains filter out 

A LOT

Seriously – 

Like a deletion machine 

Think about it 

If we have 60-80k thoughts a day

You for sure 

Delete – or don’t pay attention to

Most of them

Side note 

That’s why having a coach is so important 

My coach for example is always pointing out 

Things I don’t even realize I believe 

Or sometimes things I don’t even realize 

I’m saying 

These are the things that keep us stuck

Or just repeating our lives 

and that’s when we feel stuck 

Our brains can be crazy friends ..lol..

This is why I always say

Awareness if everything 

Once we know 

What we are thinking 

Then we have power 

of deciding 

if we want to keep thinking it

Let me ask you this

Have you ever had the experience 

Where you buy a new car 

And all of a sudden 

You see the same car all the time

Did those cars just magically appear?

No 

Its just now you have a new point of reference

Your reticular activating system 

Is now filtering 

With your car as a reference 

So you can see the cars 

Or 

why is it 

That my husband and I can pass 

The same guy on the street 

And marc will say 

Did you notice that guy was wearing a brown belt

And black shoes?

And my reply 

I didn’t even see the guy 

lol.. true story you guys

It happened years ago

My RAS clearly didn’t think 

It was important ..lol..  

Its fascinating 

You know what else is interesting to consider 

A lot of what we find in our current lives

Is based on a bunch of BS we have right?

BS – meaning 

Our belief systems

So we have been told along the way

That maybe you were told you weren’t smart enough

Or maybe you were a fat kid 

And believe you can never lose the weight

Or maybe you grew up around drinking 

And that’s just what you do on weekends 

So you believe these things to be true 

And you know what 

You find all the evidence to prove it true 

A question I hear with weight loss clients 

Goes something like this 

Why can’t I lose this weight?

Guess what your brain is going to do

It’s going to find all the evidence to tell you 

Why you haven’t been able to lose all the weight

Ok – so great. – now you have the answers

To what you don’t want to have accomplished 

So this is why you have to ask better questions

By asking better questions 

you basically upgrade the hardware of your brain

In this case 

Something like 

How can I find ways to make weight loss fun

Might work

Or 

Think about 

when you are introduced 

To a new colleague for example

If I introduce you to my friend Sally

And I tell you before hand 

How amazing she is

Guess what you are going to find?

You most likely 

are going to think she is amazing too

Because that’s the filter you will be looking through

So its about asking better questions 

And going along the same idea

We can look at asking the question

Behind the question

In the book I mentioned earlier 

QBQ

The author talks about using the following guidelines

When you are asking the question behind the question

1. Begin with What or How (not why when or who)
2. Contain an I (so not they, we or you)
3. Focus on action

Remember 

When we think about the thought model 

your actions lead to your results

Which comes from your feelings 

That were triggered by a thought

So the answer 

in the question 

Will be the thought

Follow me?

When you ask something along the lines

Of 

What can I do to change this now 

It fits into the guidelines – using what

Contains action – you are looking for ways to change now

And its about you 

So I’ll use myself as an example here 

Let’s say I’m having 

what I think is a terrible day 

Nothing seems to be going right 

I might ask myself 

What can I do 

to change this now 

My answer is going to be

What I put as the thought 

If I’m doing a thought model

Because remember – we never put a question in the thought line

Of the model

So my answer – or thought

could be 

I’m going to find all the ways 

This is happening for me 

Which allows me to feel a bit of relief

And then I will have a different take 

on everything happening around me 

As opposed to 

Asking myself 

Why is this happening to me

And then the answer is going to be 

All the ways I’m the victim

And we know –

When you are a victim

You don’t do anything 

Being a victim 

Usually feels pretty terrible

And no positive action

Comes from a negative feeling

You guys 

This difference is everything 

In the first question I hold the power 

What can I do

In the second 

I have no chance

Its a poor me stance 

It may seem like a subtle difference 

But it will give you 

Completely different results

And that’s what we do here right?

Find new ways to get 

New results in our lives.

So I want to circle back with you

Remember the 3 questions we started with 

How can I use this info?

Why must I use this info?

When will I use this info?

I really want to encourage you 

To answer them 

Take action 

So you can see some new results 

Ok – that’s what I have for you today

Lets circle back next week

don’t forget to head to 

michellebouruqecoaching.com/itsyourtime

To get into the private group 

We are just starting so don’t delay

Ok – stay healthy friends 

And make it great day

Take care