Ep 97 How Being a Control Enthusiast Holds You Back

EPISODE NOTES

Today I want to talk to you about being a control enthusiast, and how this can hold you back 

in many areas of your life.  I often discuss work-life integration on this podcast so today I will show you how this effects both your personal and professional life.  The truth is – sometimes this super power of yours – attempting to control the world – can actually hold you back on creating the world you most want.  Listen today to learn how to find ways to do more of what you want – and not be so stressed by others.

IN THIS EPISODE:

* Control freak vs control enthusiast

* Expectations of colleagues

* Wanting the best for your family and friends 

* How to increase brain energy to do more of what you want 

* Free guide – 3 Simple Steps to Improve Work-Life Integration:

www.michellebourquecoaching.com

 

 

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Hello hello hello 

Welcome back my friends

How is everyone doing on this first Thursday in Sept?

Holy smokes 

It’s funny

As I record this 

I’m looking at a card

My coach sent me at the start of the year

It says

Make 2020 epic

I’m pretty sure 

This might not be exactly what she had in mind..lol.

But – here’s the thing folks

We still have 4 months

To decide how we want to close out this story 

What do you want to do over 

The next four months

So that at the start of 2021

You can say

You know what 

2020 was actually ok for me 

Or 2020 was an enlightening year for me

Remember – I had clarity

As my word for the year

And you know what?

This year has provided a lot of clarity

For a lot of people 

And I think 

Now more than ever maybe

Our time is super important 

It might even be worth 

Quadrupled what it used to be 

Because now we really see 

What is important right?

So think about that 

Think about 2-3 things you want to have accomplished 

By the end of the year

And in todays episode 

I’m going to help you find some brain energy

And time 

To be able to complete those goals

This is an important topic 

Because I know it effects a LOT of you

Being a control enthusiast..lol..

Some may say control freak

But here’s the thing – 

A freak is defined as very unusual 

An enthusiast is someone highly interested in a subject..lol

I’m pretty sure what all of us love about control

Is not unusual 

Therefore 

we are not freaks 

We are 

enthusiasts..lol..

Now, I laugh

But today 

I want to talk to you about 

about how this can hold us back 

In so many areas 

Since we talk about work-life integration a lot here

I’m going to tackle both areas

Let’s start with work

I want you to think about a time

When maybe you were super frustrated 

Because your teammate 

Colleague 

Did not complete a task to your expectations 

OR

Better yet

You could forsee they were not going to 

Complete the task 

To your expectations 

And so you just did it yourself 

OR 

I know there are some of you listening 

Who 

Your not even sure if the teammate could 

Complete the task 

To your expectations 

So you just do it in advance 

It’s interesting 

Because when you look up the word control

One of the definitions is 

A group or individual 

Used as a standard of comparison 

For checking the results

So in most cases

Who do you think we use as that standard?

We use ourselves!

We think 

Well – I would’ve done it this way 

Or 

she/he isn’t doing it the way I do it 

I saw this not so long ago with a team 

I work closely with 

One of the members was longer tenure 

I’m talking time only – not experience in general

And a new member joined

Had some different thoughts about ways to do things

And there was some 

Shall we say 

Friction 

Because the original employee 

Used herself as the standard 

And there wasn’t much room for new ideas

But 

Can I tell you 

She is the one that mostly suffered 

Because she was so frustrated 

With the newer employee 

For not living up to her standards 

See – we try to control these other beings 

Because we 

Often think we know best 

But what I that isn’t the case 

All the time 

And listen 

I am guilty as charged 

And I continue to do a lot of work on this 

Because I think everyone in life basically 

Should have a sense of urgency 

And as I say that 

I kinda chuckle 

But it’s also kinda true 

And I know I am the one that suffers when I get so frustrated 

Because in my brain 

Urgency means you care 

Urgency means you respect time 

Urgency means you get it done 

But 

What I have come to realize 

Is sometimes urgency 

Can mean not taking the time to think through a situation

I saw this not so long ago with my brain 

Where I actually slowed down 

Looked at my normal “urgent” response 

And said no

I am not making myself crazy like that 

I stuck to the original plan I had in place

And – in doing so more calmly

I made a couple of extra sales 

plus 

I was still able to take care of the situation that came up

Because I wasn’t running around like a chicken with my head cut off

Remember becoming aware of it 

Is the first step

So where are you

Wasting your brain power 

Thinking about how other people should be doing

Their work differently?

Because you know better

I’ll give you a minute…lol..

Really 

I want to encourage you to start paying attention 

Because all of that time

You could be focused on 

Increasing your sales 

Volunteering 

Starting a business 

Whatever it is for you 

Ok 

Now lets look at the personal side of life 

Again – 

You guys know

The work I share with you 

Is work I’ve done 

And by done 

I actually mean

Continue to do

Because I still have a human brain 

And the day I stop doing the mental mindset work

Will be the day I die 

Truly 

Even if I’m still breathing 

The moment I stop working on my brain

Yikes 

All hell will break lose with this crazy train and It will be over…lol..

So 

How does being a control enthusiast in your personal life

Hold you back?

I want you to think about

That family member 

Or maybe spouse

Partner 

Friend

That you wish would just 

Start eating better

Workout more

Drink less 

Because you just know 

It would be so much better for them 

Really 

You are so well intentioned 

In your bones 

You know you ideas for them 

Will be so good for them 

And will really make them healthier 

Overall better 

And they just don’t get it 

They won’t freakin listen 

They just go about life 

Doing what they want 

Meanwhile 

We know what could help them 

And again 

We either worry 

Or get frustrated 

Or have anxiety about their health 

But here is the truth my friends 

A lot of us think we know how others should be living their life

And we focus a lot of our time and energy 

Thinking about that 

And the thoughts seem soooo well intentioned 

And we can even say a lot of people would agree 

I just want what’s best for her 

I just want him to be healthy 

But those are the kinds of thoughts 

That can be so poisonous to us 

We worry 

We try to change them 

We fight with the reality that is 

Humans get to live their human experience 

We of course can have requests 

And even set some boundaries 

But when all of your time and energy 

Is being used to think about how they should be doing their life different 

You miss out on living your life 

Can you see that?

I’m not saying you don’t care about them

I’m saying 

Start caring about you too

You are truly the only one that you can change 

And what would it look like to have some of that time and energy 

Focused back on yourself 

To be able to create something amazing 

Or maybe start enjoying more of your life 

Vs worrying about others so much?

Worry pretends to be necessary 

I might even repeat that for the people in the back

Worry pretends to be necessary 

And it sucks the life out of us 

Because it changes nothing 

It just keeps us trapped when we try to control others 

Ok – now listen 

I’m not saying go crazy and through all caution to the wind

And don’t keep that sense of control

Because I do think some of us need to 

Be able to keep us moving forward 

On track 

And organized right?  

Amen sister..lol.

But this week I really want to encourage you 

To find the ways your need to control the world 

Holds you back from creating the world 

You most want 

As you see it 

You might start to let some of it go 

And you now what 

It might come back 

You might notice it and let it go

It’s a process 

But recognizing it to start 

Is everything 

And ask yourself 

Is this energy you want to continue to focus on others 

Or how can you put it into your next best self?

Now that 

Is kinda fun to think about 

You know what else is fun to think about?

The group mastermind course I’m developing 

It’s going to be for sales reps who want to excel 

In your career 

But without the stress and overwhelm 

It’s going to be so good

I am loving creating it 

So be sure to get on my email list now 

Because that is where I will first announce it 

michellebourquecoaching.com

And you can start with my free guide 

3 simple steps to improve work-life integration

You get all the weekly info

And then you will get the notification of launch 

Just do it 

Its going to be fun 

Ok – that’s what I have for you today 

Lets circle back next week

But for now 

Stay safe 

And make it a great day 

Take care!