Ep 97 How Being a Control Enthusiast Holds You Back
EPISODE NOTES
Today I want to talk to you about being a control enthusiast, and how this can hold you back
in many areas of your life. I often discuss work-life integration on this podcast so today I will show you how this effects both your personal and professional life. The truth is – sometimes this super power of yours – attempting to control the world – can actually hold you back on creating the world you most want. Listen today to learn how to find ways to do more of what you want – and not be so stressed by others.
IN THIS EPISODE:
* Control freak vs control enthusiast
* Expectations of colleagues
* Wanting the best for your family and friends
* How to increase brain energy to do more of what you want
* Free guide – 3 Simple Steps to Improve Work-Life Integration:
www.michellebourquecoaching.com
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hello hello hello
Welcome back my friends
How is everyone doing on this first Thursday in Sept?
Holy smokes
It’s funny
As I record this
I’m looking at a card
My coach sent me at the start of the year
It says
Make 2020 epic
I’m pretty sure
This might not be exactly what she had in mind..lol.
But – here’s the thing folks
We still have 4 months
To decide how we want to close out this story
What do you want to do over
The next four months
So that at the start of 2021
You can say
You know what
2020 was actually ok for me
Or 2020 was an enlightening year for me
Remember – I had clarity
As my word for the year
And you know what?
This year has provided a lot of clarity
For a lot of people
And I think
Now more than ever maybe
Our time is super important
It might even be worth
Quadrupled what it used to be
Because now we really see
What is important right?
So think about that
Think about 2-3 things you want to have accomplished
By the end of the year
And in todays episode
I’m going to help you find some brain energy
And time
To be able to complete those goals
This is an important topic
Because I know it effects a LOT of you
Being a control enthusiast..lol..
Some may say control freak
But here’s the thing –
A freak is defined as very unusual
An enthusiast is someone highly interested in a subject..lol
I’m pretty sure what all of us love about control
Is not unusual
Therefore
we are not freaks
We are
enthusiasts..lol..
Now, I laugh
But today
I want to talk to you about
about how this can hold us back
In so many areas
Since we talk about work-life integration a lot here
I’m going to tackle both areas
Let’s start with work
I want you to think about a time
When maybe you were super frustrated
Because your teammate
Colleague
Did not complete a task to your expectations
OR
Better yet
You could forsee they were not going to
Complete the task
To your expectations
And so you just did it yourself
OR
I know there are some of you listening
Who
Your not even sure if the teammate could
Complete the task
To your expectations
So you just do it in advance
It’s interesting
Because when you look up the word control
One of the definitions is
A group or individual
Used as a standard of comparison
For checking the results
So in most cases
Who do you think we use as that standard?
We use ourselves!
We think
Well – I would’ve done it this way
Or
she/he isn’t doing it the way I do it
I saw this not so long ago with a team
I work closely with
One of the members was longer tenure
I’m talking time only – not experience in general
And a new member joined
Had some different thoughts about ways to do things
And there was some
Shall we say
Friction
Because the original employee
Used herself as the standard
And there wasn’t much room for new ideas
But
Can I tell you
She is the one that mostly suffered
Because she was so frustrated
With the newer employee
For not living up to her standards
See – we try to control these other beings
Because we
Often think we know best
But what I that isn’t the case
All the time
And listen
I am guilty as charged
And I continue to do a lot of work on this
Because I think everyone in life basically
Should have a sense of urgency
And as I say that
I kinda chuckle
But it’s also kinda true
And I know I am the one that suffers when I get so frustrated
Because in my brain
Urgency means you care
Urgency means you respect time
Urgency means you get it done
But
What I have come to realize
Is sometimes urgency
Can mean not taking the time to think through a situation
I saw this not so long ago with my brain
Where I actually slowed down
Looked at my normal “urgent” response
And said no
I am not making myself crazy like that
I stuck to the original plan I had in place
And – in doing so more calmly
I made a couple of extra sales
plus
I was still able to take care of the situation that came up
Because I wasn’t running around like a chicken with my head cut off
Remember becoming aware of it
Is the first step
So where are you
Wasting your brain power
Thinking about how other people should be doing
Their work differently?
Because you know better
I’ll give you a minute…lol..
Really
I want to encourage you to start paying attention
Because all of that time
You could be focused on
Increasing your sales
Volunteering
Starting a business
Whatever it is for you
Ok
Now lets look at the personal side of life
Again –
You guys know
The work I share with you
Is work I’ve done
And by done
I actually mean
Continue to do
Because I still have a human brain
And the day I stop doing the mental mindset work
Will be the day I die
Truly
Even if I’m still breathing
The moment I stop working on my brain
Yikes
All hell will break lose with this crazy train and It will be over…lol..
So
How does being a control enthusiast in your personal life
Hold you back?
I want you to think about
That family member
Or maybe spouse
Partner
Friend
That you wish would just
Start eating better
Workout more
Drink less
Because you just know
It would be so much better for them
Really
You are so well intentioned
In your bones
You know you ideas for them
Will be so good for them
And will really make them healthier
Overall better
And they just don’t get it
They won’t freakin listen
They just go about life
Doing what they want
Meanwhile
We know what could help them
And again
We either worry
Or get frustrated
Or have anxiety about their health
But here is the truth my friends
A lot of us think we know how others should be living their life
And we focus a lot of our time and energy
Thinking about that
And the thoughts seem soooo well intentioned
And we can even say a lot of people would agree
I just want what’s best for her
I just want him to be healthy
But those are the kinds of thoughts
That can be so poisonous to us
We worry
We try to change them
We fight with the reality that is
Humans get to live their human experience
We of course can have requests
And even set some boundaries
But when all of your time and energy
Is being used to think about how they should be doing their life different
You miss out on living your life
Can you see that?
I’m not saying you don’t care about them
I’m saying
Start caring about you too
You are truly the only one that you can change
And what would it look like to have some of that time and energy
Focused back on yourself
To be able to create something amazing
Or maybe start enjoying more of your life
Vs worrying about others so much?
Worry pretends to be necessary
I might even repeat that for the people in the back
Worry pretends to be necessary
And it sucks the life out of us
Because it changes nothing
It just keeps us trapped when we try to control others
Ok – now listen
I’m not saying go crazy and through all caution to the wind
And don’t keep that sense of control
Because I do think some of us need to
Be able to keep us moving forward
On track
And organized right?
Amen sister..lol.
But this week I really want to encourage you
To find the ways your need to control the world
Holds you back from creating the world
You most want
As you see it
You might start to let some of it go
And you now what
It might come back
You might notice it and let it go
It’s a process
But recognizing it to start
Is everything
And ask yourself
Is this energy you want to continue to focus on others
Or how can you put it into your next best self?
Now that
Is kinda fun to think about
You know what else is fun to think about?
The group mastermind course I’m developing
It’s going to be for sales reps who want to excel
In your career
But without the stress and overwhelm
It’s going to be so good
I am loving creating it
So be sure to get on my email list now
Because that is where I will first announce it
And you can start with my free guide
3 simple steps to improve work-life integration
You get all the weekly info
And then you will get the notification of launch
Just do it
Its going to be fun
Ok – that’s what I have for you today
Lets circle back next week
But for now
Stay safe
And make it a great day
Take care!