Ep 95 Blame and Responsibility At Work
Episode Notes:
In today’s episode I want to talk about blame and responsibility. Especially when you feel like others are causing you more stress and anxiety in the workplace.
I heard some form of this topic last week in a couple different conversations, so I think it’s and important topic to discuss. The work we do here is for us to see just how powerful we are in creating new results in our lives based on what we choose to think.
IN TODAYS EPISODE:
- Blame in the workplace
- Increased stress and anxiety
- Responsibility
- The importance of what you want to make it all mean
- Work with me: www.michellebourquecoaching.com/workwithme
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Episode Transcript
Hello hello hello
Welcome back to the podcast folks
I hope everyone is doing amazing.
Or
at least looking for those areas in your life –
where you can find your amazing.
These days
we need to find
our own amazing right?
Bring your own sunshine
– BYOS – lol – heard that on a ride recently – so true.
Ok – so for today’s episode I want to talk about blame and a bit about responsibility.
I heard some form of this topic
last week
from a couple different conversations
so I think it’s and important topic to discuss.
The work we do here is for us to see just how powerful we are
Right?
To see
how we can create new results in our lives –
based on – what we choose to think
So I want you to consider a time –
maybe in your job –
where you felt like a victim to your circumstances.
This can come in all sorts of forms
It might look like
you think
your teammates don’t think you are doing a good enough job
and are getting all over you
It might look like
rumors in the company about HR changes
or the politics that go on in your organization
It could even look like a partner not doing something you think they should be doing at home
For me
– for years
– it looked like me thinking I had no control of my time
and just blamed the entire job for not being
able to do what I wanted
You with me?
I imagine you can conjour up some example for yourself
And I want you to take a moment and think about the example for you.
Let me use the example of your teammates –
colleagues
– however you refer to those other folks you work with lol
Let’s say – they question something you are doing
You think
– they are stressing you out
because they are questioning your actions
And that
you think
Causes you extra anxiety
The fact that they are asking you questions
And you wish they would just trust
you are doing your job
and leave you to do your thing
I want to tell you something
When you blame them
And think they are causing your anxiety
By asking you questions
Then they have to change
in order for you to feel better
That’s not likely going to happen friends
I mean – let me tell you-
If I knew the way to change others
I would tell you
I would be doing it myself
I promise you I have my own list.. lol
And I would be making millions
But When we blame the others
And I actually like to take time sometimes
to look up what words mean
Side note – I do that a lot in my self Coaching –
And coaching clients
Our brain likes to use these words
And sometimes we don’t fully know
What we mean when we say it
Try that tip – super helpful to gain clarity
Ok
So blame –
is assigning responsibility
We act like the victim
We make them responsible
they are the villain
And when we are the victim
We are not able to make any changes –
Because we hold them responsible
Got it?
Now
what could be an alternative?
Let’s just break it down
Your teammates ask a question
I mean – basically
they say words
The question is
What do you make those words mean?
You always get to choose
So if you think
– they don’t think I know how to do my job
Or they don’t think I’m smart enough
Stop
Pay attention to How do you feel
Usually something like
Defensive
Or
Angry
Figure it out for you
But I’ll go with defensive
Now what happens
when we are defensive
Well
usually we do everything we can
To avoid the criticism –
or show them how they are wrong
Maybe we sit in thought loops about what they said
And that tends to add a flavor of anxiety in the mix
But when we are doing all of that
What are we not doing?
Our job to the best of about ability
So us thinking they don’t think I know how to do my job
Leads to us not really doing our job
See that?
Now
What if you take responsibility
First off
What is responsibility
It is
Your ability to respond
So they ask the questions
Or say the words
How do you want to respond?
What do you want to make it mean?
Because I’m going to toss an interesting twist in here for you.
Usually we get defensive
When someone kinda touches a nerve for us
Because it’s something maybe we already question in ourselves
So for example
I’ve mentioned in the past
how some of my family members
Thought I was losing my mind and joining a cult when I went to coach training
Well back then
I wasn’t so sure what I was doing myself
I mean – I have a great job – very corporate
The “right” thing to be doing
And I wasn’t sure
what this talk about your thoughts your thoughts your thoughts
really was all about
So when they questioned it
I got defensive
Because I wasn’t solid in it myself
Now they say it
And I’m like –
Yeah- whatever think what you want
I know it has changed my life
And the lives of others
And it doesn’t matter
Kinda like if they said
Your blue hair is horrible MIchelle
I’d be like – what are you talking about
I don’t even have blue hair
See the difference in how you respond
When you have different thoughts about the questions yourself?
It’s everything
Because that’s where you hold the power
Now let’s take a quick look at the politics
Red tape
Whatever you call it at work
That makes you feel out of control
So maybe for you
It’s all the extra people you have to deal with
All the extra things they keep giving You to do
And you feel so overwhelmed
Because they just don’t have their well –
Dare I say
Shit together? Lol
Same as the first example
Stop
Pay attention to how you feel
When you think you need to be the one
To do all of this right
Because they don’t know what they are doing
In house
And for this example
I want to change the responsibility part
So yes it is how do you want to respond
But the next layer is
How are you responsible
For them continuing to pile on?
Usually what I see
Is we don’t want to say no
We don’t want to disappoint others
So we just keep taking on more and more
And actually
Disappoint ourselves
By not taking care of ourselves
It’s fascinating right?
It really is out thoughts our thoughts our thoughts lol
Pay attention to all of them
It changes
how you feel
How you show up
And the results you get in your life
Choose thoughts that are useful for you
– and of course be sure you believe them
And watch how your life changes
I promise you it will
Ok – that’s what I have for you today
Let’s circle back next week
But for now –
Stay safe and
make it a great day
Take care!