Ep 95 Blame and Responsibility At Work

Episode Notes:

In today’s episode I want to talk about blame and responsibility.  Especially when you feel like others are causing you more stress and anxiety in the workplace. 

I heard some form of this topic last week in a couple different conversations, so I think it’s and important topic to discuss.  The work we do here is for us to see just how powerful we are in creating new results in our lives based on what we choose to think.  

IN TODAYS EPISODE: 

• Blame in the workplace 
• Increased stress and anxiety 
• Responsibility 
• The importance of what you want to make it all mean
• Work with me:  www.michellebourquecoaching.com/workwithme
•  

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Episode Transcript

Hello hello hello 

Welcome back to the podcast folks

I hope everyone is doing amazing. 

Or 

at least looking for those areas in your life – 

where you can find your amazing. 

These days 

we need to find 

our own amazing right? 

Bring your own sunshine 

– BYOS – lol – heard that on a ride recently – so true. 

Ok – so for today’s episode I want to talk about blame and a bit about responsibility. 

I heard some form of this topic 

last week 

from a couple different conversations

 so I think it’s and important topic  to discuss. 

The work we do here is for us to see just how powerful we are 

Right?

To see 

how we can create new results in our lives – 

based on – what we choose to think 

So I want you to consider a time – 

maybe in your job – 

where you felt like a victim to your circumstances. 

This can come in all sorts of forms 

It might look like 

you think 

your teammates don’t think you are doing a good enough job 

and are getting all over you

It might look like 

rumors in the company about HR changes 

or the politics that go on in your organization 

It could even look like a partner not doing something you think they should be doing at home 

For me 

– for years

 – it looked like me thinking I had no control of my time 

and just blamed the entire job for not being 

able to do what I wanted 

You with me? 

I imagine you can conjour up some example for yourself 

And I want you to take a moment and think about the example for you. 

Let me use the example of your teammates – 

colleagues 

– however you refer to those other folks you work with lol

Let’s say – they question something you are doing 

You think 

– they are stressing you out 

because they are questioning your actions 

And that 

you think 

Causes you extra anxiety 

The fact that they are asking you questions 

And you wish they would just trust

you are doing your job 

and leave you to do your thing

I want to tell you something  

When you blame them

And think they are causing your anxiety 

By asking you questions 

Then they have to change

 in order for you to feel better

That’s not likely going to happen friends 

I mean – let me tell you- 

If I knew the way to change others 

I would tell you 

I would be doing it myself 

I promise you I have my own list..  lol 

And I would be making millions 

But When we blame the others 

And I actually like to take time sometimes

 to look up what words mean 

Side note – I do that a lot in my self Coaching – 

And coaching clients 

Our brain likes to use these words 

And sometimes we don’t fully know

What we mean when we say it 

Try that tip – super helpful to gain clarity 

Ok 

So blame – 

is assigning responsibility 

We act like the victim 

We make them responsible 

they are the villain 

And when we are the victim 

We are not able to make any changes – 

Because we hold them responsible 

Got it? 

Now 

what could be an alternative? 

Let’s just break it down 

Your teammates ask a question 

I mean – basically 

they say words 

The question is 

What do you make those words mean? 

You always get to choose

So if you think 

– they don’t think I know how to do my job 

Or they don’t think I’m smart enough 

Stop 

Pay attention to How do you feel 

Usually something like 

Defensive 

Or

Angry 

Figure it out for you 

But I’ll go with defensive 

Now what happens 

when we are defensive 

Well 

usually we do everything we can

To avoid the criticism – 

or show them how they are wrong

Maybe we sit in thought loops about what they said 

And that tends to add a flavor of anxiety in the mix 

But when we are doing all of that 

What are we not doing? 

Our job to the best of about ability 

So us thinking they don’t think I know how to do my job 

Leads to us not really doing our job 

See that? 

Now 

What if you take responsibility 

First off 

What is responsibility 

It is 

Your ability to respond 

So they ask the questions 

Or say the words 

How do you want to respond? 

What do you want to make it mean? 

Because I’m going to toss an interesting twist in here for you. 

Usually we get defensive 

When someone kinda touches a nerve for us 

Because it’s something maybe we already question in ourselves 

So for example 

 I’ve mentioned in the past

 how some of my family members 

Thought I was losing my mind and joining a cult when I went to coach training  

Well back then 

I wasn’t so sure what I was doing myself 

I mean – I have a great job – very corporate 

The “right” thing to be doing 

And I wasn’t sure 

what this talk about your thoughts your thoughts your thoughts 

 really was all about 

So when they questioned it 

I got defensive 

Because I wasn’t solid in it myself 

Now they say it 

And I’m like –

Yeah- whatever think what you want 

I know it has changed my life 

And the lives of others 

And it doesn’t matter 

Kinda like if they said 

Your blue hair is horrible MIchelle 

I’d be like – what are you talking about 

I don’t even have blue hair 

See the difference in how you respond 

When you have different thoughts about the questions yourself? 

It’s everything 

Because that’s where you hold the power 

Now let’s take a quick look at the politics 

Red tape 

Whatever you call it at work 

That makes you feel out of control 

So maybe for you 

It’s all the extra people you have to deal with 

All the extra things they keep giving You to do 

And you feel so overwhelmed 

Because they just don’t have their well –

Dare I say 

Shit together? Lol 

Same as the first example 

Stop 

Pay attention to how you feel 

When you think you need to be the one 

To do all of this right

Because they don’t know what they are doing 

In house 

And for this example 

I want to change the responsibility part 

So yes it is how do you want to respond 

But the next layer is 

How are you responsible 

For them continuing to pile on? 

Usually what I see 

Is we don’t want to say no 

We don’t want to disappoint others 

So we just keep taking on more and more 

And actually 

Disappoint ourselves 

By not taking care of ourselves 

It’s fascinating right? 

It really is out thoughts our thoughts our thoughts lol 

Pay attention to all of them 

It changes  

how you feel 

How you show up 

And the results you get in your life 

Choose thoughts that are useful for you 

– and of course be sure you believe them 

And watch how your life changes 

I promise you it will 

Ok – that’s what I have for you today 

Let’s circle back next week 

But for now – 

Stay safe and 

make it a great day 

Take care!