Ep 86 When You Have to Do It All

Episode Notes:

Todays topic stems from something that came up in a recent class with my group.   I think a number of you will benefit from hearing my take on the idea that you have to do it all.

I hear this sentence from clients regarding work, I hear this sentence from clients when speaking about home life, and I’ve even told myself this sentence for both work and home.

Listen today to learn how that sentence – “I have to do it all” is a lie we tell ourselves and what you can choose to think in order to see where you hold the power in everything you do.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• The lie – “I have to do it all”
• How thinking you have to do it all holds you back
• What you can do to gain more power in your life
• Join the (free) Private Facebook Group: CLICK HERE TO JOIN

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TRANSCRIPT NOTES:

Hello hello hello

How are you all doing today?

What a gorgeous weekend we had 

I mean – we are still mostly in but 

We had time in the sunroom and time on the patio

So nice – just love this weather

And 

I also taught a class 

On knowing the one thing you need to know 

To Own your Life 

It was so much fun

And you guys 

Listen – there are more free classes to come 

The way you get notified is to get on the email list 

michellebourquecoaching.com

Start with the free download on learning 3 simple steps

To improve work-life integration

And from there you will get updates on any classes we have 

And – don’t forget 

You can also join us in the free facebook group 

It’s Your Time 

Check it out

Ok – todays topic

Is actually from something 

That came up on the class call 

And I think a number of you

Will benefit 

This idea that you have to do it all

Now I’ve heard this sentence from clients regarding work

And I’ve heard this sentence from clients when speaking about

Home life

And I’ve even told myself this sentence for both work and home..lol.

I’m going to start by saying 

That sentence

I have to do it all

Is a lie we tell ourselves 

We do not HAVE to do anything you guys

And it might take a few angles to kinda wiggle this thought 

And it is a thought

Which as we know 

All thoughts are optional

Now trust me 

I know that a lot of times it seems like a fact

And you can tell me all the evidence of how 

If you don’t do it 

Nobody else will

I get that 

And I’ll even give that to you 

For arguments sake

But the truth remains

You still do not HAVE to do it yourself

And I’m talking – do all the work to build up the account 

because your partner doesn’t seem to care to take the initiative

And I’m talking – take care of your kids 

And I’m talking – put away the dishes and laundry

You do not HAVE to do any of it 

You choose to

Knowing that is so powerful 

Here’s how we know 

There are workers who keep their jobs and do minimal work

There are moms who don’t take care of their kids at all

And there are homes that have laundry piling up 

So at some level

You want to do it 

Right?

You want to get the account set up because you want to build the business

You want to take care of the kids because you love them 

You want to put the dishes away because it gives you a sense of calm 

when it’s all cleaned up

But here is what  happens most of the time ..lol..

We get so frustrated with other people in our lives 

Because they aren’t doing it 

And they should 

And so we have to do it all 

And we do it with such resentment right?

And remember 

Who feels the resentment?

We do!

I want to tell you a secret 

Not everyone thinks they way you do

I know 

I know 

The struggle is real..lol..

I think so many more people should think the way I do

But when I think that  

I’m disappointed 

Because they usually don’t do it correctly  

So let’s take a moment 

And see where that might be true 

For you 

It’s just good to know 

It offers you the opportunity 

To step into emotional adulthood 

Which is where we take full responsibility 

For how we feel 

I want you to think about this 

When we talk about the Thought Model

We know what causes our feelings right?

Its our thoughts 

When we are feeling resentful 

As we clean the house 

Or do the work on the project

It’s not because your husband didn’t help clean up 

And it’s not because your coworker didn’t pull their weight

That would be their action

Their action is in their model

Their action does not cause your feeling 

Your feeling is in your model 

And your feeling is coming from your thought

Like – he has the time and should know to start cleaning 

Or  Maybe 

I do all the work on this team and she doesn’t care about the business

This 

my friends

 is great news

Because your are in control of your thoughts

We do not have to count on any of them changing

In order to feel better

Now listen 

I hear you all 

But Michelle 

He should do the work 

Its not fair I have to do it all

Or 

She should step up

I shouldn’t have to always be the one 

I get it

But I want to point out 

You do it all anyways 

Do you want to continue to feel frustrated and resentful as you do?

I mean you can – by all means you get to think what you want to 

I’m just here to show you how it gives your the results you have in your life 

So let’s play that model out

What do you do when you are feeling resentful 

You continue to do it all 

Feeling terrible 

And the result is 

You just stay in this cycle of feeling frustrated 

And resentful 

And continuing to think 

You have to do it all 

It’s like a victim mentality 

And when you continue that 

You just live each day over and over 

And don’t take any steps to make positive change for yourself

Now – I’m not saying you don’t ask for help

Of course you can ask for help

But then what will you make it mean 

If they don’t do it?

We sometimes go to 

They don’t care 

They don’t respect me 

They don’t love me 

But you know what else might be an option?

They just don’t consider the activity 

As important as you do 

They might think it’s ok to have some dishes in the sink

They might think it’s ok to get half the business

They might think it’s ok that the laundry sits on the dryer all week 

It really might not mean anything about you 

So you ask, 

they may or may not do 

What do you WANT to think on purpose ?

I choose thoughts that feel more empowering to me 

Especially 

you guys 

When you know you do it anyways 

Why not shift that thinking? 

To a place where your feel most powerful 

Instead of thinking about all the ways they do it wrong 

Remember 

Your brain will find evidence for what you believe to be true

So when you are thinking they do it wrong

And you have to do it all

And you are feeling frustrated or resentful

You will just continue to find evidence to support that line of thinking 

And that is usually pretty draining 

But 

When you think 

I totally have all of this 

Or – 

I’m pretty on top of my game to get all this done

Or 

Some version 

Something you believe 

Where you are giving yourself credit 

For all you do 

Because you are CHOOSING to 

That brings about a much more powerful mindset 

And you will likely find 

I know for me at least 

I feel way more energized when I’m thinking those thoughts 

And the only thing that had to change 

Was a sentence in my brain 

AMAZING 

Give it a whirl

Now – 

My guess is 

You had thought the 

I have to do it all thought

For a long time 

So it might be challenging to let go of 

Remember how I said it might take some time to wiggle it

You could even start with 

Sometimes I THINK I have to do it all

That just gives you a little bit of space 

To see its a thought 

And not a fact 

Or –

Sometimes I think I have to do it all, 

And that’s ok

Or 

I’m learning to see 

Where I want to do it this

Or 

I’m learning to see 

Where I hold the power in knowing I can do it all – 

Play with it for you

What feels true to you?

Then practice it 

Your original 

I have to do it all

Will likely be a super highway 

easy to go to thought

The practice will be in noticing when it comes up 

And choosing to think on purpose 

The new thought 

And see how your feelings change when you do that 

Way more powerful friends 

Ok – remember – if you want more of this work 

Going the group and get on the email list 

So you can start implementing more of the practices in your daily life

Ok – that ’s what I have for your today

Let’s circle back next week

But for now 

Stay healthy 

And make it a great day 

Take care