Ep 86 When You Have to Do It All
Episode Notes:
Todays topic stems from something that came up in a recent class with my group. I think a number of you will benefit from hearing my take on the idea that you have to do it all.
I hear this sentence from clients regarding work, I hear this sentence from clients when speaking about home life, and I’ve even told myself this sentence for both work and home.
Listen today to learn how that sentence – “I have to do it all” is a lie we tell ourselves and what you can choose to think in order to see where you hold the power in everything you do.
IN THIS EPISODE:
- The lie – “I have to do it all”
- How thinking you have to do it all holds you back
- What you can do to gain more power in your life
- Join the (free) Private Facebook Group: CLICK HERE TO JOIN
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TRANSCRIPT NOTES:
Hello hello hello
How are you all doing today?
What a gorgeous weekend we had
I mean – we are still mostly in but
We had time in the sunroom and time on the patio
So nice – just love this weather
And
I also taught a class
On knowing the one thing you need to know
To Own your Life
It was so much fun
And you guys
Listen – there are more free classes to come
The way you get notified is to get on the email list
Start with the free download on learning 3 simple steps
To improve work-life integration
And from there you will get updates on any classes we have
And – don’t forget
You can also join us in the free facebook group
It’s Your Time
Check it out
Ok – todays topic
Is actually from something
That came up on the class call
And I think a number of you
Will benefit
This idea that you have to do it all
Now I’ve heard this sentence from clients regarding work
And I’ve heard this sentence from clients when speaking about
Home life
And I’ve even told myself this sentence for both work and home..lol.
I’m going to start by saying
That sentence
I have to do it all
Is a lie we tell ourselves
We do not HAVE to do anything you guys
And it might take a few angles to kinda wiggle this thought
And it is a thought
Which as we know
All thoughts are optional
Now trust me
I know that a lot of times it seems like a fact
And you can tell me all the evidence of how
If you don’t do it
Nobody else will
I get that
And I’ll even give that to you
For arguments sake
But the truth remains
You still do not HAVE to do it yourself
And I’m talking – do all the work to build up the account
because your partner doesn’t seem to care to take the initiative
And I’m talking – take care of your kids
And I’m talking – put away the dishes and laundry
You do not HAVE to do any of it
You choose to
Knowing that is so powerful
Here’s how we know
There are workers who keep their jobs and do minimal work
There are moms who don’t take care of their kids at all
And there are homes that have laundry piling up
So at some level
You want to do it
Right?
You want to get the account set up because you want to build the business
You want to take care of the kids because you love them
You want to put the dishes away because it gives you a sense of calm
when it’s all cleaned up
But here is what happens most of the time ..lol..
We get so frustrated with other people in our lives
Because they aren’t doing it
And they should
And so we have to do it all
And we do it with such resentment right?
And remember
Who feels the resentment?
We do!
I want to tell you a secret
Not everyone thinks they way you do
I know
I know
The struggle is real..lol..
I think so many more people should think the way I do
But when I think that
I’m disappointed
Because they usually don’t do it correctly
So let’s take a moment
And see where that might be true
For you
It’s just good to know
It offers you the opportunity
To step into emotional adulthood
Which is where we take full responsibility
For how we feel
I want you to think about this
When we talk about the Thought Model
We know what causes our feelings right?
Its our thoughts
When we are feeling resentful
As we clean the house
Or do the work on the project
It’s not because your husband didn’t help clean up
And it’s not because your coworker didn’t pull their weight
That would be their action
Their action is in their model
Their action does not cause your feeling
Your feeling is in your model
And your feeling is coming from your thought
Like – he has the time and should know to start cleaning
Or Maybe
I do all the work on this team and she doesn’t care about the business
This
my friends
is great news
Because your are in control of your thoughts
We do not have to count on any of them changing
In order to feel better
Now listen
I hear you all
But Michelle
He should do the work
Its not fair I have to do it all
Or
She should step up
I shouldn’t have to always be the one
I get it
But I want to point out
You do it all anyways
Do you want to continue to feel frustrated and resentful as you do?
I mean you can – by all means you get to think what you want to
I’m just here to show you how it gives your the results you have in your life
So let’s play that model out
What do you do when you are feeling resentful
You continue to do it all
Feeling terrible
And the result is
You just stay in this cycle of feeling frustrated
And resentful
And continuing to think
You have to do it all
It’s like a victim mentality
And when you continue that
You just live each day over and over
And don’t take any steps to make positive change for yourself
Now – I’m not saying you don’t ask for help
Of course you can ask for help
But then what will you make it mean
If they don’t do it?
We sometimes go to
They don’t care
They don’t respect me
They don’t love me
But you know what else might be an option?
They just don’t consider the activity
As important as you do
They might think it’s ok to have some dishes in the sink
They might think it’s ok to get half the business
They might think it’s ok that the laundry sits on the dryer all week
It really might not mean anything about you
So you ask,
they may or may not do
What do you WANT to think on purpose ?
I choose thoughts that feel more empowering to me
Especially
you guys
When you know you do it anyways
Why not shift that thinking?
To a place where your feel most powerful
Instead of thinking about all the ways they do it wrong
Remember
Your brain will find evidence for what you believe to be true
So when you are thinking they do it wrong
And you have to do it all
And you are feeling frustrated or resentful
You will just continue to find evidence to support that line of thinking
And that is usually pretty draining
But
When you think
I totally have all of this
Or –
I’m pretty on top of my game to get all this done
Or
Some version
Something you believe
Where you are giving yourself credit
For all you do
Because you are CHOOSING to
That brings about a much more powerful mindset
And you will likely find
I know for me at least
I feel way more energized when I’m thinking those thoughts
And the only thing that had to change
Was a sentence in my brain
AMAZING
Give it a whirl
Now –
My guess is
You had thought the
I have to do it all thought
For a long time
So it might be challenging to let go of
Remember how I said it might take some time to wiggle it
You could even start with
Sometimes I THINK I have to do it all
That just gives you a little bit of space
To see its a thought
And not a fact
Or –
Sometimes I think I have to do it all,
And that’s ok
Or
I’m learning to see
Where I want to do it this
Or
I’m learning to see
Where I hold the power in knowing I can do it all –
Play with it for you
What feels true to you?
Then practice it
Your original
I have to do it all
Will likely be a super highway
easy to go to thought
The practice will be in noticing when it comes up
And choosing to think on purpose
The new thought
And see how your feelings change when you do that
Way more powerful friends
Ok – remember – if you want more of this work
Going the group and get on the email list
So you can start implementing more of the practices in your daily life
Ok – that ’s what I have for your today
Let’s circle back next week
But for now
Stay healthy
And make it a great day
Take care