IN TODAY’S EPISODE:
- The difference between hope and commitment
- The importance of a compelling reason
- Competing desires
- Free Resource at https://michellebourquecoaching.com/freebie/
Hi there! What is up ladies?
Can you even believe we are in the last month of the year? So many amazing things ahead. And soon we will be talking about New Year’s Resolutions. So today – I want you to talk to you about commitment.
And this is something you can think about for your drinking less efforts as well as any New Years resolutions you may make.
Now, I’m not talking about things you may want, or something you believe you can do.
I am talking about being truly committed to it.
There is a difference.
There are things we want in life – like to drink less, or to weigh less. We desire to make these changes, but we also have competing desires.
So we may want to drink less, but we also enjoy our wine with the gals.
We may want to weigh less, but we also enjoy those warm cookies from Panera.
So you have to decide – what do you really want?
In order to commit you can’t just say … ohhh… let’s see how it goes.
You have to decide.
Decide what it is you want, and be very clear.
Let’s also be honest with what your level of commitment is for what you want.
Here’s what I mean. Let’s say you tell me your level of commitment is a 10 – and 10 is the highest. So if you say you are going to start drinking only one glass of wine a night – if you take a second would you pay be $50,000. If I said I was going to chop off your kids pinkie I bet you wouldn’t have it.
Lol… Most people are like WHAT the hell are you saying Michelle? Lol…
I just want to show you how quickly one thought can change your level of commitment. That is the thought you need to find.
Really think about it and be honest with yourself.
Because often what I see is we tell ourselves yeah – I’m all in, but then it is so easy to go with the competing desire.
Remember – that is how our brains are designed – it is so easy to go for the second glass because then we don’t have to feel the discomfort, we get the dopamine pleasure, and we can do it efficiently.
But when we give in to the competing desire we then use that as an excuse to tell ourselves how terrible we are, and how we will never be able to do this. When in fact, we just haven’t been honest with ourselves about how committed we were.
We wanted it.
We believed we could do it.
But we didn’t make a commitment to get it done – no matter what.
So don’t tell yourself you can’t do it – you just weren’t committed to it.
Adding the extra shame has no upside.
So, in oder to really be committed, we need a compelling reason – one that is more compelling than our desire to do what is known and comfortable in the moment.
Sometimes people will tell me they want to be healthy – that is the reason.
But let’s think about that – if you are faced with “being healthy”, or the extra glass of wine or a delicious cookie what tends to happen? Our brain is like – yeah – we can be healthy tomorrow. Life is short. It’s just an extra glass or it’s just one cookie.
So make sure your reason is compelling. If you start with wanting to be healthy ask yourself why? Maybe you want to be healthy for your kids. Ask another why? Maybe because you want to be a role model for them. Ask yourself another why? And keep asking until you have a super compelling reason that will have you stay committed to that goal, and stay committed to yourself.
This is the root of the work – your commitment and your relationship with yourself.
Think about this. Let’s say you have a lunch date with your girlfriend. You would never think to stand her up right? It doesn’t even cross your mind. But, let’s say you’ve made a commitment to go to the gym, or to stay in tonight. How quick are you to let any reason change that commitment? Oh – it’s just this once…..
No – you made a commitment to yourself, honor it.
Commitment is I’ll do it no matter what. I’ll do it even if I worry about what my friends will think. I do it even if it means I need to present B- work instead of A+ at tomorrows meeting.
And no grab ass…lol…
What I mean is – when you are married you are committed right? You don’t just go around grabbing any person’s rearend, or just a little peck, or anything. Sure you may think they are attractive, but it stops there. Because you are committed.
So when you commit to drinking less it means no extra bloops, or splashes that go off of what you have committed to.
So this week I really encourage you to start weighing your reasons. Why are you committed to doing this work? It is also super helpful to just make a note of your reason why – maybe in your phone as a go to when you are faced with the competing desire. It’s almost like a little note from your future self reminding you why you are doing it so in the moment you know what your managing mind has in store.
When you do this work there are no limits to what is in store for you my friend.
Ok – so that will do it for today. Let’s circle back next week – same time. But for now – make it a great day – take care!