Ep 289 Holding Power in Your Independent Thinking

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Episode Notes:

Join me today as I emphasize the importance of independent thinking, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence for personal growth and fulfilling lives. Today I am talking about letting go of limiting beliefs, taking responsibility for your thoughts and emotions, and prioritizing your well-being over external validation. In this episode we are centered around the idea that by embracing these qualities, you can create a more authentic and meaningful life.

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Episode Transcript: (Transcribed by OtterAI with minimal edits)

You are listening to the It’s Your Time podcast and I’m your host certified life coach Michelle Arnold Bourque. In today’s episode, I’m discussing the power and knowing your independent thinking. Welcome to the it’s your time Podcast, the podcast where busy professionals like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule. So you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place.


Hello, hello, hello, welcome back to the podcast rounds, Happy Fourth of July Independence Day. And here we are starting the second half of the year, we still have a lot of time. And I am curious, where are you with your goals for the year? And are there things that you still want to accomplish before you close out? 2024? I am hoping so I have to imagine. Yes, yes, indeed. And let’s not also forget to recognize before we jump ahead, what you have already accomplished in the first six months, it’s so important to take this step to recognize what you have done. And here I’m talking about it in regards to the last six months. But I also want to encourage you to think about it every single day, every single week, every single month to recognize what it is that you actually have done. Because listen, you know, we all have our to do lists. But do you have a Tada list? It’s a fun idea, right? Tada, like, look at what I did, we need to be able to give ourselves credit for the things that we are doing well, it is so important. And it truly will give you so much more powerful thinking in your life. And today, I want to talk about how you can embrace more of that. And I want to look at three levels of dependence, kind of a fun idea, right play on Independence Day, I want to look at Independence, dependence and inter dependence. And I want to have us really consider what it all means in our thinking. So let’s start with where we might live at a level of dependence. And a lot of times, this is kind of automatic thinking, right? Oftentimes, it’s also automatic negative thinking. Many of us have been socialized to think it’s everyone else around us, or circumstances in life that make us feel a certain way. Think about where you might have a story similar to this, something like maybe he didn’t do what I wanted. So he doesn’t care for me, or she doesn’t support me, or he made me mad if only he or she would insert whatever it is right I would feel, insert whatever it is, really pay attention. That is a very important statement to recognize when you say it in your brain. If only he or she would do x, then I would feel what, let me remind you of the basics that we talked about here. Your feelings come from your thoughts, not other people, not circumstances in life. And listen, I still work on this myself, right? I think a freaking gloomy day makes me feel tired. Knowing this is not the case, that people and circumstances do not cause you to feel a certain way, is the best news ever. And it’s where you stand in your power because that means that you are in charge of your life, you get to decide what you want to think I was just listening to this podcast David Bair think it’s called a changed mindset literally just started listening. And I love what he’s talking about primal versus powerful thinking, like when you’re making decisions in your life? Are you making them from an automatic negative thinking kind of I’m the victim in my life? Or are you stepping into your power and making powerful decisions, you get to decide how you react to all of the people and the circumstances in your life. You have complete control over that. And I think it really is, when we’re looking at the different levels of dependence. I think knowing that you and your thinking create the results in your life. Stepping into that is truly your strongest version of independence. When you think other people need to act a specific way for you to feel whatever it is confident, loved, supported. Well, you know what? You’re in trouble. Because then you’re saying if they don’t do the certain things in a way that I want them to, I am not able to feel a certain way. pretty screwed, right? Because most of the time people are not doing what we want them to do. And as I always say once I figure out how to accomplish that, I will come back here and let you all know It’s just not the way the world works, thankfully. Right? I think part of this also goes back to our education system and parenting, right? We tell kids things like, Oh, don’t do that, or mommy will be sad or you make daddy happy when you get good grades or insert whatever it is for you, whatever your story has been through the years questionnaire, question it start to unpack it start to unravel it, is it really helpful for you to continue thinking that it’s no wonder why so many of us have grown up to become people pleasers, and find it challenging to take a moment to think about what makes you happy. And let me enter in the power of the word. And for those of you who might think I mean, this equates to just everyone else and do your own thing. I don’t, you can care about yourself and want to help others. What I’m saying is don’t be your well being on others actions, opt for independence, of thought over dependence of others, and their actions as you work towards accomplishing your goals. When we delegate our feelings to others, it’s always a good time to get curious, thinking things like they don’t support me might be a good time to question, Where am I not supporting myself? thinking things like he doesn’t care for me, is a good time to question. Where am I not caring for myself? Usually, what we see in others we already have in ourselves. This idea, I’ve talked about it here before you spot it you got it is something Martha Beck calls it refers to is if you see something in another person, or if you think that what they have going on is affecting you write you might already have a level of it in yourself now. So far, I’ve talked about thinking on the maybe not so positive side of how that plays into it around how you feel. But you can also think something great about a person. And I remember back in the day, I used to be drawn to women who I thought was still not back in the day, drawn to women who seem to really in my mind, my thought was have their shit together. Now, at the time, I didn’t really believe that about myself. So I had to put my brain to work to find the evidence of how that could be true for me. Let’s just say some days, it’s easier than others to find, right? You have any idea of what my car looks like, there’s still some opportunities for growth here. But seriously, this, my friends, is how you start creating new neural pathways in your brain. In order to create new results, you have to start thinking new thoughts consistently finding the evidence in order to create those new results. It’s a system of decisions that you make your independent thinking over and over and over on purpose. And you have to start letting go of the old thinking, to have these values, we really don’t want them to exist for too long, at the same level, right? So you have to start letting go of some old beliefs, and bring in some of the new beliefs, letting go of the limiting beliefs. And it’s something that you can actually start implementing today in order to finish out the year as your most favorite self. Also, by the way, can you even believe that we are talking about closing out the year? Let’s not rush it right? It is so important that you know how much agency you have in your life in this moment, and the next moment and the next moment and the next moment. And how much power you have in creating the results in your life. It really is great news. You know, when we think it’s others or you know, especially in this industry, I see a lot of folks blame the job. I’m sure it’s not just our industry. sure a lot of people blame the job, right. And I’m sure some people blame the boss, whatever external source, it might be for you. Listen, I get it. I for sure used to blame this job. It’s a Monday job. It has crazy hours. It is not very planned and process oriented. And you have to really have a significant support system on your side. Thank goodness for Mark. And you know what, actually, holy smokes, wait. I am just realizing it was 18 years ago this weekend that I was actually on vacation with Marc and some friends at the Cape. And I was studying for this job and training. Yes. On vacation. Holy smokes 18 years ago. Wow. Time flies. And to that point, this job does entail sacrifices, right? Like on vacation studying. I’m not the only one. But you have to know that going in. This is for any job. It is not your jobs responsibility to make you feel great and amazing.


The good news is I Again, your independent thinking, and what you want to decide on purpose about the job is where the beauty lies. And it took me a long time to learn that we have the choice, we can learn all of these coaching tools, and mindset shifts in order to have the integration of work and life. And I have been thinking and talking a lot about this, because we are hiring some new folks. And there are people across the country who have been reaching out to ask about just the job in general, and how we can have work life balance. And you guys know, I don’t love the idea of balance. I feel like that’s just added pressure, and it entails 5050. And that, for sure does not seem to be what I have encountered over the last oh my god, what? Two? No, not two decades. I wasn’t say two decades, don’t I wish sometimes I feel like I’m 25 in my brain will just leave it over a lot of years. Okay. So you have to be the one to figure out what that work life integration looks like. You have to be the one to be able to find where in your job, let’s say, can you find it things that excite you, that you intentionally do on purpose, to recognize what brings you joy, you are the one who decides all of that. And you can try to figure it out and do all the mindset shifts and do other coaching tools and go that route. Or you can quit and find a job that’s better suited for what you want in life. Again, it’s knowing that you have the choice. And here’s the thing, we take our brains with us. So yes, sometimes changing the circumstance is the best thing. And if you’ve been here with me for a while, you know, when I first started talking about this, I really encouraged you to not change your circumstance to be able to see the power and changing how you react to it. But you know what, sometimes there are just things that if you want to change the circumstance, and move on and not waste the energy with your coaching, and mindset, and journaling, and affirmations and all the goodness, then just change the circumstance, but know that you are choosing that it is not the circumstance that you are victim to as you make these decisions. Because if you don’t recognize this, and you take your brain with you, guess what, you’ll have the same problems at the next place or in the next relationship. And at that point, it’s just really good to know that the common denominator is your brain, right? Okay, now, we have talked about dependence, independence, and I just want to touch on interdependence. Because I think it’s important, especially around all of these ideas, you know, when we’re talking about relationships, or work, I think of interdependence more like teamwork. And listen. This is from a gal who for sure, was not an athlete back in the day. In fact, I think I’m clear of any punishments. But some days I even skipped gym class in high school, because I was so not an athlete. But I do see how important teamwork is in life. interdependence, mutual dependence between two things. And like I said, it can be work, it can be personal relationships. It’s the idea that we each take responsibility for ourselves, and we help each other to accomplish a common goal. At work. That might mean you have difficult conversations, you talk about priorities, you talk about maybe where there are some disconnects. Same can be said for partnerships, right? Personal relationships, marriages, and I might equate it to or sum it up as emotional intelligence, the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you. It’s pretty much what we’ve been talking about here today, right? Having a high EQ allows you to step into feeling less stressed, blaming others, and feeling like a victim in life. Having high emotional intelligence really allows you to step into the power of creating a life that you want knowing you have the power within yourself. It is your independent thinking that allows you to create the magic in your life, which is the best news ever. It is an inside job. And there are many opportunities for growth for all of us. The good news is, as we mentioned in the start of this podcast, we still have a second half of the year. What are you going to do with it? And listen, speaking of the last six months, I am excited, I have some new things coming down the pipeline for you. I am completing a new menopause Specialist Certification Course. I’m going to be adding some things here and if you want to be a part of it and know Oh, as we are going what is being released please hop on to my email list. MichelleBourquecoaching.com/list. It’s where you get all the most up to date information. You get a monthly newsletter with additional free coaching tools and ideas. I share books and podcasts and all of the goodness Michellebourquecoaching.com/list and remember Bourque is B OURQU e. Okay, that’s what I have for you today. I hope you enjoy the weekend Let’s touch base soon make it a great day take care


Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one, go to MichelleBourquecoaching.com and click on get started to begin


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