Ep 254 Mastering Self Leadership Through Emotional Intelligence

Join me today as I discuss Mastering Self Leadership Through Emotional Intelligence.  I am sharing a couple of recent examples in my professional and personal life where the importance of mind management was never more evident.  The tools I am sharing will help you feel less stressed, more at peace and able to control your energy in a way that allows you to create the life you want.

In This Episode: 

• Recent work meetings and allowing others to be wrong about you 
• Family matters
• The importance of giving equal air time to your thinking 
• Managing your energy – BYOE 
• Neuroplasticity and creating new mind shifts for greater success 
• No cost consult call – www.michellebourquecoaching.com/connect 

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Episode Transcript: Transcribed by OtterAi with minimal edits

You are listening to the It’s Your Time podcast and I’m your host certified life coach Michelle Arnold Bourque, and today’s episode I’m discussing mastering self leadership through emotional intelligence. Welcome to the it’s your time Podcast, the podcast, we’re busy professionals, like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule. So you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place.

Michelle Bourque 0:35 Hello, hello, hello, welcome back to the podcast friends. How’s everyone doing? Are you all back to your routines and schedules and all that good stuff leading up to fall? I have to tell you, I think especially since I don’t have kids, there’s really not much that changes from summer to fall for me. In fact, I saw a funny real this past weekend, it was a woman saying she didn’t have kids, and she loves what she does, which is pretty much anything she wants at any time, I did get a chuckle. And I have to tell you laughing at anything about not having kids is called progress. Because for so long. I thought I was quote unquote, supposed to have kids. But I see now, the good Lord knows best. In fact, I was joking with two of my nieces over this past weekend. I mean, sometimes the things that I say and do are not necessarily maybe up to mom standards I imagined. In fact, we were wondering if I will ever be able to take my youngest nieces ever because the parenting rules in that house are pretty strict. And although I’ve always loved rules, and my role as an aunt, um, not so much. I like having fun more than following the rules. So we’ll just say, you know, that’s to be continued. In fact, it’s so interesting, I was just watching a little bit of a side note here, I was just watching a workshop on neuroplasticity. And Marissa Pierre was talking about the importance of the words that we are saying and how we are like almost making society a little bit more fragile. And what it is that we are telling folks that they are, you know, able to do not able to do. And one example we’re kind of laughing, is that my sister doesn’t like to use the word bold. And I was like, what I think that’s great, tell the girls to be bold. And my one niece was like, Oh my gosh, that’s what I was always told when I would get in trouble, like you are being so bold. So we looked up the word, and it means confident and courageous. So I of course was like rock on Be bold. But by the way, don’t tell your parents that I told you that because I don’t want to get in trouble. So really, looking at the words that you speak to yourself. It’s so important. And actually, that does kind of bring us into today’s topic, because I want to talk about mastering self leadership with emotional intelligence. And it was actually a topic of conversation that we had over the weekend when I took our nieces to travel a bit north for a fun getaway. And I think it’s important for more of us to understand. In fact, I still work on this myself, right? I do, after all have a human brain. So I’m going to share some examples with you. But before I do that, I will start with a post that I saw from Adam Grant when we returned from our weekend getaway. And I mean, seriously, the way the socials listen, and then all of a sudden something is on your feed. It’s a little freaky. But the post reads, a sign of emotional intelligence is moving from you made me feel to this is how I reacted. Our emotions aren’t caused by other people’s actions. They’re shaped by our interpretations. Blaming others gives them power over your feelings, taking responsibility and powers us, you guys that is called knowing this and making this mind set shift can truly change your life. And I’m not sure if therapy still uses it. But they used to always have couples talk about when you did x, it made me feel why. And I know folks really have used that as a way and again, you know what I say here? If it works for you rocket? If not, maybe there’s something to consider. That’s almost a bit more disempowering. When we are coming from a victim mentality. We often think that we can’t make the changes now. Do not hear me and sink. Oh, so it’s all my fault. No, I’m not suggesting that we add layers of blame to anything I’m suggesting. We look at our feelings and think about what we are making other people’s actions or words mean. When other people say and do things. How do you interpret it? And here’s an example that recently happened to me. It’s a work example that I’ll start with, and if you have a human brain, you might really hate I am also going to share some tools. So stick with me here. Okay. I had a meeting recently where a participant said, with all due respect, Michelle, it seems like you’re forcing us to make these changes. And my brain latched on some of the thoughts that were swirling. With all due respect sounds so far from it. I never push anyone to do anything. Well, I mean, maybe Marc, if we’re being fully honest here. I totally prepared for this meeting to come from Curiosity, because I truly just had no idea what was going on with the team. So how could this sound like anything different? I should ask my colleague, if I sounded like I was forcing anything. The good news is, I could see all the thoughts coming in. They’re not so great news is, I still spend some time and energy on them. This is where I want to stop. And let you know, this is how we start to feel overwhelmed. And as if the job and or our coworkers are causing us the stress, not true. It is our brains, which is great news, we can be intentional with our thinking. So the first tool to consider allow people to be wrong about you. This can be life changing, it’s as simple, allow others to be wrong about you. And it can totally free up your energy, your time, and maybe even increase some of your sanity. I even use this concept in my sales like day to day, if I go into an office, people will tell me no, all the time. And at this point, I could think, oh, no, they don’t like me. Or I could also think, oh, they just don’t know yet how helpful I’m going to be or how much I would love to help their patients. Or maybe they’re just a little confused. Guess what? That allows me to come back another day, and find a new idea as to how I can help them better understand this is self leadership, you have a sense of who you are, you remain consistent in your ability to influence your communication, and emotions and actions. And that’s how you get to your next set of results. The Emotional Intelligence Component is you managing and handling your emotions, and using them in a way that is useful for you. Again, letting people be wrong about you, gives you an amazing sense of freedom to decide what you want to think about other folks, which leads me to the second concept, give equal airtime to what is going on in your life. On the same day, I also had a woman tell me that the mindset work we’ve been doing has been, quote unquote, life changing for her. And another one told me thank you so much, you seem to know exactly what I need to hear each time. And I could have allowed myself to let these comments land a bit more. And the feeling throughout the day would have been quite different. Notice in both cases, it’s not what was said. It was what I made the statements mean, pay attention. When others say words about you. What do you want to think, be intentional? Consider thoughts that will actually be useful in your life. This is how we control and manage our energy. In fact, energy is my word for the year. And I love what Callie from peloton says BYOE Bring your own energy. That is you being able to lead yourself that is you increasing your emotional intelligence. That is you living your life in a way that works and in a way that allows you to create the life you imagine. That is where you are truly standing in your own power. Now, listen, I used an example for work. But the truth is these tools apply to personal as well. Remember how we do one thing is how we do most things. And I started talking out about how I wasn’t sure if I would really be allowed to take the youngest of the nieces. And I’ve mentioned here before, my sister is always saying things like, you’re so cold hearted. You have no feelings. And I had the older nieces cracking up because I told them I had to get coached on this stuff in the past. And why do you think that was the case? Because I started making it mean, she might be right. And you know what, maybe sometimes she is, but I also know that I actually do care about a lot of things. So when she says that, I get to choose how I react. Same with you. Think about the folks in your life that you think drive you crazy or make you angry or whatever that emotion might be. That doesn’t seem helpful to you use the self leadership tools become more aware of what you are making mean and start deciding on purpose. What do you want to make All mean again in a way that allows you less stress, more peace. And knowing these tools implementing these tools let me be clear knowing them is one thing. actually implementing them into your life is entirely next level and it truly can allow you the freedom that you want to feel in your life. Okay, listen, if you want more one on one help with this, please feel free to schedule a console call 45 minutes no cost, it’s not on Zoom. Michelle Bourque 10:31 So you can just come as you are. It’s an old fashioned phone call and it can be so helpful go to MichelleBourquecoaching.com/connect to get started and as always, if you can’t find a time that works, just DM me, I’m sure we can figure it out. Okay, friends, that’s what I have for you today. Let’s meet back next week for now make it a great day. Take care

Michelle Bourque 10:57 Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one. Go to Michelle Burt coaching.com and click on get started to begin