Ep 251 Work Life Integration & Mom Guilt

Ep 251 Work Life Integration & Mom Guilt

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Episode Notes: 

Join me today as I talk about work life integration, and mom guilt.  

Not a mom?  Still take a listen – what I’m talking about today applies to all of us.  

Work life balance is often a farce – and so often leaves women feeling like they are not measuring up.  Today I am talking about how to overcome some of the lies we tell ourselves and how you can start feeling better determining how to develop work life integration in a way that works best for you.

In This Episode: 

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Episode Transcript – Edited with OtterAI with minimal edits

Michelle Bourque 0:00 You are listening to the it’s your time podcast and I’m your host certified life coach Michelle Arnold Burke. And today’s episode I’m discussing work life integration and mom guilt. U

 0:11 Welcome to the it’s your time Podcast, Michelle Bourque 0:13 the podcast, we’re busy professionals, like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule. So you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place.

Michelle Bourque 0:34 Hello, hello, welcome back to the podcast. Friends, I’m so happy that you are here. Thank you for taking the time, I know that your time is very precious. So I appreciate that you are here and I have to share with you. I have been having so much fun over the past couple of weeks, I just had a mentee who got a job. And in her words, it was her dream job. And a couple more unprocessed that are interviewing, we have a strategy meeting coming up for the women’s ERG employee resource group that I talked about here. And it’s going to be the first time that I am meeting some of these amazing women. We’ve worked together since 2019. I think and I have to tell you, I mean, listen, we all know COVID, right? But it’s going to be such a blast to be able to actually meet them in person and come together and brainstorm and find like new amazing ways to recruit and retain women in leadership positions. And I have to tell you, today’s topic came up in a recent exchange that I had with a colleague, which literally came a day after I was listening to a coaching call of a mom getting coached about a similar topic. And so I thought it would be important to share with you here now, I want to just take a pause because I know the title says mom guilt and work life integration. But if you are not a mom, please stick around. The overarching theme in this episode is the importance of how we are talking to ourselves. Self Care, giving ourselves grace, figuring out what work life integration looks like. And as I always say, you think about what this looks like in your life. Now, mom guilt, you might suggest who am I to talk about mom guilt since I am not a mom. And to that I will say two things. Number one, that might actually be the perfect reason why I should be here to coach you because I do not have buy into the stories around limitations and feeling guilty about being a mom, because I’m not right now listen, I have had to do my own work on not being a mom. And that’s for an entirely different podcast. But I like to just keep it real, right? Because the important part of all of this is your ability to give yourself grace. And I am able to show you different areas that maybe you can consider different ideas and don’t have to be so fully stuck on thinking it has to look a certain way. And I would also like to show us evidence, Your Honor, number two as to why I can discuss this and not be a mom is pretty sure there are such things as male gynecologist out there, right. And they do not necessarily live the same life as the women that they help, but they still help women. And that is my goal here. So let’s move on and get to some of the goodness showing. I have coached and I’ve seen so many women be coached on the idea of mom guilt. So I want to just start with the foundational point of what is mom guilt? And it seems like it’s just a fact, right? Like, it’s something every mom gets? Which sidenote, not true? Not everyone does. There are moms that don’t take care of their kids at all, and have no problem with it? Mom guilt is the internal dialogue that you have, where you’re telling yourself basically, that you’re not measuring up. And this is exactly what I want to say to the non mom out there. We have often had the same conversation. Women are often telling themselves that we are not doing enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not making enough, not whatever that flavor is for you. Right. And I have to be honest, it’s not often that I have these conversations with men. In fact, I would have to say they probably more often look like I’m not doing that one thing they told me to do. So ladies, it’s all of us, we need to have some grace. And for this example that I’m sharing with you today about the mom. It was a situation where she was traveling for work and trying to figure out you know, the kid thing there was birthdays family gatherings, and she thought if she changed her travels that would have the mom guilt subside. To which of course, I suggested and I tell you here reminding yourself that you are doing a great job will be the most helpful way that you help mom guilt. The idea of work life balance is one that I quite honestly think makes being a mom and the professional world more of a challenge because balance really means and even do distribution. And that is a farce. There is not always an even distribution and life. And we need to be able to give ourselves grace. And so I suggest that we work at finding work life integration. And I will do say it’s so fascinating because going back and forth here on mom, not mom. And if you listen back to the recent podcast I had with Eliza core, it was an almost was like a Brain exploding kind of conversation at one point because she was talking about how as a mom, she felt like she had to do so much more for work and kind of competency, right, and air quotes. And I was like, Are you kidding me, I feel like I have the same thought not being a mom that I should be doing more because I’m not a mom. So it truly is an activity that we need to be intentional about and reminding ourselves that we are doing a great job. And integration is a way that you can allow yourself to find what works for you, in this particular season of life. So maybe you’re just having kids, and you need to adjust the way your days look for everyone. And I’m talking about setting priorities, right. That’s what this is about. And I think it’s great to set priorities on a daily schedule. setting your priorities is what allows you to filter what you’re going to say yes to, and probably more importantly, what you are going to say no to setting your priorities allows you to make a schedule. setting priorities allows you to have focus on what needs to be done in order to move the needle in your life and in the direction of what you want to accomplish. And if you haven’t already downloaded the free workbook, go to Michelle Bourquecoaching.com/overwhelm, I have three simple steps in there for you to excel in your career, without the stress and overwhelm, so that you can do more of what you want. And I will tell you, the majority of the info is about the second part, without the overwhelm. Most folks here listening are already successful, high achieving women perfectionistic personalities, which I love. And I am, I would say, and recovery myself. But the truth is, being a perfectionist can lead you to burnout and exhaustion. And you know why? Because it’s harder to deal with the things when they don’t go as planned. And when things start to get a bit sideways, there can be added stress and overwhelm, because you’re used to controlling everything. And this can be anything in your life. And if we’re going to keep with the idea of mom guilt, it might look like the kids aren’t doing what you want. Or if you have a late day at work, and things aren’t going as you originally thought. Here’s an interesting thing to consider. Because if you’ve been with me for a while, you know that I started this podcast as the drink less podcast, and I was helping women who just wanted to be able to have less wine. And most of the time the wine drinking was used, or is used as a way to relax at the end of the day. Or if we’re talking about mom guilt, maybe mommy wine helps to relax and take the stress away from the kids. But then there’s this layer of shame involved with it. And again, this is for anyone with or without kids, I want you to think about this, the shame is not usually, really from the wine. It seems like it in the moment, because it’s an easy thing to blame. But what happens is, the sheen typically comes from you realizing what you would be feeling or thinking if you didn’t have the wine. And quick side note. I’m saying wine here as the buffer, but the thing that quote unquote, takes away or relaxes you takes away the stress or the overwhelm or relaxes, you could also be you know, cookies or shopping, like anything that you use to avoid your life and then beat yourself up about it. And I want to encourage you to consider that the shame usually comes from more of not wanting to admit to the idea that maybe your kids are driving you crazy. Listen, moms, I hear a lot of moms talking about it. Obviously, it’s not just you, maybe your boss is a terrible mess, and you’re holding back a lot of what you want to say, for the record. Anyone listening, I would never have imagined that in my life at any point. I’m just saying, hypothetically, I’ve heard that okay. And maybe it looks like a relationship that you have is on the rocks and then the cookies, the wine, whatever it is, are some great escapes for you. The thing is, this is going to bring me to the idea of the importance of self care because those great escapes they might seem like they are in the moment, but it’s just a quick fix. And then you have that layer of judgment on top of it so it’s not truly long. lasting self care. Long Lasting self care is where you give yourself grace, where you give yourself the option to be flexible, to really be intentional with what work life integration looks like.

Michelle Bourque 10:17 Work Life integration comes from being able to go with the ebbs and the flows, being able to prioritize in the season of life that you are in. And that can look different as your life evolves. And that is okay. And self care is reminding yourself that you deserve the self care. Listen, it’s a cliche, I know. But it’s true. When you take care of yourself, you’re able to give the best of you, not what’s left of you. And self care doesn’t have to be some elaborate day at the spa and a listen, it can. But it might be as simple as sitting in your car for five minutes before you head into the house. And take a couple of deep breaths to disconnect work energy, and to embrace your intentions for the rest of the evening. It gets to look any way you want it to. So as I wrap up here, I want to remind you some of the biggest takeaways, work life integration. Number one, it’s what works for you. And the moment it’s not based on what society tells you it should look like. And work life integration is something that comes in all different forms for all different people at all different times. And guess what? That is, okay. In fact, it’s perfect. Number two, give yourself grace and flexibility and determining what that is for you. And number three, remind yourself daily, you are doing a great job. That might be the most important thing. If you take nothing from this, if you could just every day, maybe at the end of the night, instead of telling yourself all of the things that you didn’t do or you need to do or you forgot to do or you shouldn’t have said or used it say that. It’s crazy, right? It is crazy what goes on in some of our brains. It’s normal, it’s human, that’s fine. But we also want to be intentional with what we tell ourselves. And so a simple sentence of reminding yourself that you’re doing a great job every day can truly help those neural pathways and be really the magic that helps you take your life to the next level. Okay, friends, that’s what I have for you today. Again, go head over to Michelle Burt coaching.com forward slash overwhelm for the free download. And always please feel free to reach out to me on the socials at Michellebourquecoaching Alright, that’s what I have for you this week. Let’s meet back next week and for now make it a great day take care Michelle Bourque 13:01 Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one. Go to Michellebourquecoaching.com and click on get started to begin

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