Ep 234 Exploring Trust & Magic in Relationships

Episode notes:

Join me today as I discuss the importance of exploring trust and magic in your relationships – especially the relationship you have with yourself.  I am sharing some recent insights from a couple of trips and talking about where we can make changes in our lives in order to get to our next biggest goals.

In This Episode:

• Recent trips to Disney and Maine and insights about magic
• The importance of trusting yourself
• Why we often don’t trust ourselves
• The key to having self awareness
• Hard wiring in brain causing us to want to be part of the tribe
• Becoming your net favorite self

 

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Episode Transcript: Transcribed by OtterAi with minimal edits

 

Welcome to the It’s Your Time Podcast, the podcast where a busy professionals like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule. So you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place.

0:37 Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to the podcast. Friends. It has been a minute since we’ve been here, just you and I right. I feel like we have so much to catch up on. Let me just start by saying I hope that you found value with the women’s empowerment series. I had so much fun over the past couple of weeks interviewing all of the women. I think that they had such great perspectives that they brought to the table in such a great variety of topics. And that’s what I really want to help foster here for you is that we share ideas that come in, in all forms regarding so many different topics, because we are just not linear folks, right? We have a lot going on in our lives. And if there’s any way that I can bring some knowledge and share it through other folks, for you, that is what I want. And as always, you take what works and you leave what doesn’t and you evolve yourself in a way that works for you. Sounds easy, right? Evolving yourself can sometimes be easy. And sometimes it is some of the deepest work that we do on ourselves. And I like to choose to think it’s what makes us game of life that we sign up for just that much more interesting. Okay. Let me take a moment and bring you up to speed on a few things. So if you didn’t hear in every single podcast last month that it was my birthday month, and it is the last year in this decade, and I really made sure that I want it to enjoy the month. In fact, I’m going to enjoy all of it. But on purpose and with intention. I picked some things throughout the month that I knew would be so much fun. So one weekend, I went to Disney with two of my nieces and my brother and sister in law, which I will get into the trip a little bit more. But if you can believe it, this was my first time ever at Disney I know at this age. But listen, it all worked out for a reason, right? I was also able to on one day help my sister with surgery that she was having Well, I was the driver. I opted out for the job that the other option was taking care of those kids. They are too young for me. And I am convinced they sense my energy, which shall I say is not always the most relaxed around them. And so it seems as if none of us are relaxed. I’m for sure convinced that kids are a lot like dogs, right? They know when you fear them, and they take complete advantage. So that all worked out. Because after all, I am a great driver says me just about, I might be the only one that says that. But that’s okay. It’s totally fine. And then one weekend, Mark and I went to an amazing place in Maine called the Cliff House. I feel like I’m giving away a little secret Destiny here because it was so amazing. We want to go back again, the room that we had seriously. I could never have left that room and would have been totally content. It was oceanview, truly amazing. And I felt so much gratitude for all of it gratitude to be able to do all of the things and gratitude to have done the work on my brain, quite frankly, to really be able to enjoy it, and to not be so stressed about work. In fact, at one point when I was in Disney, we were FaceTiming with my sister and she was like Shelley, who are you I don’t even recognize you taking off off this time from work eating a full cupcake. Which sidenote, my family has so much to say about my eating. That alone could be a podcast, and I think it could actually probably help some of you like any of you who find eating a struggle based on what you think others think or do or say. I’ll have to put that in my notes. But we shall save that for now. I also stayed up later than normal for the Magic Kingdom fireworks and this is where I want to get started on today’s podcast topic which is exploring trust in magic in your life. And here’s the thing. I always hear how Disney is wearing them.

5:00 Magic is at? Or isn’t that what the commercial say? So of course, I was excited to check it out with the family and see what exactly what’s the magic. But what I learned at the firework show, which is amazing

5:13 is that the magic is within you. And I wanted to just smacked my forehead because I thought, of course it is. That is what I freaking talk about all of the time, empowering yourself believing in yourself. That is the magic. It just really caught my ear at this spectacular event. And I took the time to actually look up the definition of magic, one of the things that I came across was super natural, which is basically in line with manifesting, which some may say is a bit woowoo or beyond science, but there is so much work and research being done on the importance of energy and quantum physics. And I totally believe so. We have established number one, that the magic is within you. Now, what does that mean for you? What if you really believed everything that you ever need or want is already within you? Stop. And think about that, because we have been conditioned for years to believe everything is outside of us. We look to others for approval, whether it be parents, or teachers or siblings or bosses or coworkers, you name it, partners. And it makes sense that we would do that our brain is hardwired to be part of the tribe. In the old days, if we didn’t have approval from the tribe, and we were left out, we would be eaten by saber toothed tigers. Last I checked, not many saber toothed Tigers prowling through the local streets these days. But our brain hasn’t caught up to that evolution. And when I say there is some work to do in coaching, it is really about starting with building self awareness, the self awareness around what you believe is possible for you in your life. And where we are, can you challenge some of the thinking that you’ve had through the years that keeps you playing small, or maybe it doesn’t feel like small to you, maybe it just feels comfortable? I mean, it’s good, right? It’s a good life. But you think maybe it could be a little better. Honestly, that’s kind of where I was when I started getting into coaching, I had a great job, I had a great job, I still have the same job. I have home husband, dogs family, I was super grateful. And yet, I kept asking, there has to be something more to life, right? And there is and it can be so much fun, to have less stress and still excel in your career and be able to do more of what you want. That’s what I love helping women do. And I can help you collapse time because I teach you all the things that I have been studying. I almost was just said, since my certification of 2017. But the truth is, I’ve always been quite a nerd around personal development. And I have my associates in Human Services. I just love all of it. So where are you looking to others for belief or approval in your self? Just take a moment. And if you’re driving, and you need to come back to this, you can think as you drive, or I really encourage you to just kind of write down from your past where you are now. Where do you look outside of yourself for approval? And what do you have to keep doing in order to keep that game up? Do you even want to be doing it? If not, why do you continue? It’s so good to gain clarity on your reasons, number one, and number two, then you decide if you like your reasons for those answers. And sometimes you might and that’s great. But if you’re not getting the results that you want in life, it’s time to question all of it. Now listen, I did not say upheaval and change everything right now. I suggest starting with questioning it, gaining more awareness and clarity around why you’re doing it. But you first have to be able to see what it is that you are doing. Now the next part that I want to talk to you about is trust in your relationship. And this came up I wanted to do this as a podcast topic because I remember an argument with an ex boyfriend and I was just going to say years ago, but it’s honestly decades ago, which is interesting because it stands out to me so much. I remember saying if we don’t have trust, we don’t have anything at all. And you know what? I fast forward to today. And I think that about the relationships that we have with our set Unknown Speaker 10:00 helps now, maybe not having anything at all is a bit dramatic. But I do believe that if we don’t have trust in ourselves, we will not accomplish our greatest deepest desires and wishes. You know what, because when we care so much about what others are thinking, when we’re looking to the external approval, and we look outside of ourselves, not believing that the magic is within, we will take on their thinking and beliefs. And listen, a lot of times, they mean, well, they love us, and they want to protect us. So they say things like, that career sounds good. But is it really going to be stable? Are you sure you want to just be commission based sales? That sounds kind of risky? What if you don’t sell anything next quarter? Or it seems like a nice idea, I just, I just don’t want you to get too disappointed if you get your hopes up, and it doesn’t work out? Or are you sure you can handle a third kid? I just think maybe you could have a more realistic outlook on what’s going on. Now, none of these are coming with the intention to harm you. Right? They are not clearly saying do not do that I don’t want you to or anything super explicit about why you fail. But they can kill so many dreams. You need to trust that no matter what, you will always have your own back. And that can look like simple steps along the way. Maybe you start noticing, yes, I can actually think that I am proud of myself. And maybe you just start by writing down three things at the end of the night that you accomplished. And give yourself the time to feel proud about what you did, based on what you are telling yourself not asking for it from somebody else. Or maybe it’s as simple as showing yourself that you plan to have a salad at lunch. And guess what you follow through you stuck to it. You honored the word that you made to yourself. And that under no circumstances, how about this one? Ladies? Will you continue to be a mean girl to yourself when things don’t go as planned? You know, the truth of a lot of things that we actually don’t do in life is that we don’t like the way we speak to ourselves if they don’t go as planned. Think about that next time. Decide ahead of time. For example, let’s say you’re looking to lose weight. And that scale doesn’t show you the number that you wanted or expected. Decide in advance no matter what the number is how you will speak to yourself once you see it. So that then you can build the trust and understanding that you will keep trying that you will figure it out. And then as you keep showing up in the energy of belief in yourself, you trust that the magic is happening. It might take a little longer than you think. But belief that it is happening is so powerful. I want you to just take a moment and drop into your body right now. Basically, just pay attention to how you are feeling

13:25 when you think I will never figure this out. Unknown Speaker 13:31 Pay attention how you feel versus I know it’s possible for me to figure this out. Unknown Speaker 13:37 Pay attention to how that feels. Versus I trust I will just keep going no matter what I am telling you your thinking, your energy, your uniqueness, that is the magic. doing it on purpose is where it all comes together.

13:58 Okay, friends. It has been so much fun getting back full length with you today. Now listen, I do have some one on one spots open for private coaching. So if you’re ready, let’s chat Michelle Bourque coaching.com forward slash connect, so be sure to get on the email list and you’ll get all of the information Michelle Burt coaching.com forward slash list and then you will be notified as soon as I release it. I also as I come to a close here, haven’t asked for you. Will you please share this with someone that you think could be helped by it? We need more magic in this world and sharing the information is how we increase the ripple effect. Okay, friends, that’s what I have for you today. Take what works leave what doesn’t let’s come back next week for another opportunity to transform your life. Make it a great day. Take care

14:55 Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one go  to www.MichelleBourquecoaching.com and click on get started to begin