Ep 221 Insidious Competition at Work

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Join me today as I discuss the competitive nature of sales.  This is not your normal competition from within the market – today I’m talking about behind the scenes when the competition is within your company.  Listen today as I talk about some ideas that might help you the next time you think someone has done something wrong and how you can take more control around your life, time and energy.

In This Episode:

  • Competition in device sales
  • Thought process when people seem to be doing things outside the normal rules 
  • When other people make you angry and how to stop
  • Differences from men and women when dealing with conflicts at work
  • Next steps to move towards your goal and feeling better 


Episode Transcript: (Transcribed by OtterAI with minimal edits)

You are listening to the it’s your time podcast and I’m your host certified life coach Michelle Arnold Bourque. In today’s episode, I’m discussing insidious competition in the workplace. Welcome to the it’s your time Podcast, the podcast where busy professionals like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule. So you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place.

Michelle Bourque 0:37 Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to the podcast friends. How are you doing today? I’m actually getting this episode done a little early. Because I am heading to Vegas for work, which should be interesting. I’ll be sure to come back and share all of the great takeaways. But of course, I know the rule. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, it’s just that I’m probably not the craziest of cats. So I’m sure whatever I have as a great takeaway, I can totally share it with you. Okay, speaking of sharing with you, let’s dive into today’s episode because I want to share something that recently happened. And this episode is important because it’s going to show you a couple of angles to look at different examples in your life. And I want you to think about how the tools can help you maybe even feel better when other people seem to just piss you off. Sounds like fun? Shall we continue? Honestly, this example that I have for you today is going to be helpful for a couple of reasons. Number one, it will show you how men and women think differently in our careers and how we, as women can decide to show up for ourselves in a way that works for us. Number two, it will show you how the work that I teach never ends. And quite frankly, is the answer to feeling better. Number three, it will also show you how we always have the choice to decide not only on purpose, but also decide again, and again and again. And let me just throw a little side note in here. Back to number two, it will show you how the work that I teach never ends, please be sure to keep coming back every single week to learn more. And if I may ask, please share with your friends who you think can benefit. The more the merrier right? Now, let’s continue on here. What I mean is that when we’re talking about deciding, again, for example, sometimes default thinking still comes up even for me, after doing this work for years and working with clients, and teaching all of you all how to try to manage your mind. The thing is, we are human. And we can always allow ourselves some grace after our initial reactions. That’s when we get to decide again. Now, you might be surprised by what I’m going to talk about here because the title was insidious competition. And I talk about how competitive this industry is. But today, I’m taking a twist on it because today I am talking about competition within your own company. Yes. From your colleagues. It’s interesting. I think I recall some of the shenanigans going on a bit when I was in TV sales. Also back then you had to look at a book, if I remember correctly, to check the account list and make sure nobody has called on them. And every so often there would be a conflict about who’s calling on who. But geographically, it was pretty open. Everything was fair game. With Device sales. We have geographic areas, there are territory lines, and sometimes there is, shall we say, questionable overlap. And this has happened for years, depending on the reps that I’ve encountered in adjoining areas, it might just present itself a little bit differently. So although I say it happened recently, it happens often. And I’m not the only rep. I know it happens throughout many territories. So when I use this example, I think it will be helpful for many of you. But if you’re not in sales, I also want you to think about how it can apply to your job or your personal life. We had this incident happen where another rep and our company was fighting for revenue that was being brought in with number one, a complete lack of communication and number two, in a way that quite honestly affects my pay and my teammates pay. So the details are really not what’s important here. It’s the tools and the concepts to consider. And I want to kind of walk you through some of the processes that I went through in order for you to begin to use the tools in a way that works for you. So like I mentioned, this is not the first time right That’s kind of what makes it insidious. It just keeps happening and happening and happening. And what I found was that after venting to mark and multiple team members, and being very frustrated Well, to be honest, I think pissed off was actually the word that I used. If I’m being true to the think, feel do cycle. Let’s use that word as the feeling line. Okay. But what I realized was, and this is the important part for you to hear.

Michelle Bourque 5:32 I was feeling that way, not because of what happened. I know it sounds crazy, right? Because I will tell you, I took a poll with some of my team members. And they also agreed that I, quote, unquote, had the right to feel that way, based on what happened. But the truth is, it wasn’t the circumstance, it wasn’t what exactly happened, that caused me to waste so much energy. And time, it was all of my thinking around what I was making it mean, what I made the incident mean, what I made the reactions from leadership mean, so let me share because you might be able to relate to some of these thoughts. Big that they should not have done that. They don’t care. They think I have no idea what is going on. This is not right. This is highly unprofessional. And then, as I mentioned, the thoughts continued, when I was offered a solution to my initial venting of frustration, which the thought was, that was highly insulting. So you can see that the layers just keep going and going in on top of that, I also thought, if this conversation was being had with any of the men on my team, it would not be going like this. So you can see, it was a real fun start to the adventure and how crazy my brain was, at first. So I want you to take a moment and think about where you might tell yourself some of these things, because, you know, one of the most poisonous thoughts that we can have, is they shouldn’t do that, or This shouldn’t have happened. And when we think like that, we’re fighting with reality. And I finally said to one of my teammates, the worst thing I am thinking right now is, they shouldn’t do that. Because in that moment, that means in order for me to feel better, in order for you to feel better, they are the circumstance have to change. And then we’re screwed, because that is our only option. This, knowing this is what leads us to emotional adulthood where we take responsibility for our feelings. And we do not give them the power and deciding how we feel. So I had to change my thinking. And let me start by how I also think that sometimes men and women can be different around these instances, because I did talk to some of the guys on my team, and they were like, oh, hell, no, I would have done XYZ, it was very black and white for them. And I would have told them what they could have done with that offer, which side note, I actually did have the same exact thought of what they could do with the offer, I just didn’t quite think it was appropriate to say out loud, different thoughts, right? No problem for the men to say it out loud. But question all of this. And I’m not saying that you have to prove your point by going crazy and swearing, whatever. But question, why as women? Do we think that we have to be nice, stay quiet, make it right for everyone else. For me. For years, I have always had the thought there are plenty of patients to help. And I think that with outside competition, too, because I want to focus more on helping patients and helping my doctors and helping my doctors help more patients. Right. That is the point of why I signed up for this. Not to be focused about what everyone else is doing. And the thought they don’t care. That’s an interesting one. And it’s one that I see come up for myself a lot because to me, caring is important. And in this case, caring was keeping the peace, which many women do. We are socialized to do all of those things. Keep the peace be seen not heard. Don’t be too much. But let me ask you this. Is it really keeping the peace in your own brain or to be honest it’s not even real peaceful for Mark, especially when I come home talking about how I got a page for one of their patients, and I have to leave Christmas Eve or on a weekend. And then he reminds me, this always happens, and they know that you’ll just take care of it. And then well, you can imagine how that conversation goes, right? Not super peaceful. But let me go back to the men that I talked to on my team, because none of these thoughts were their thoughts. This is why we need to see how powerful it is to choose on purpose, ways of thinking that serve us and what I realized this time that I really want you to consider for yourself, because in the past, and I know, I’m not alone here, I always thought I should be nice, or I want everyone to like me, here’s the thing to know, ladies, you can be nice and have your own back. Also, not everyone is going to like us. And that’s a que liking yourself takes care of that. Believing in yourself and showing up in a way that is authentic to you, not people pleasing at your own expense, that is the nice thing to do. You get to decide the way that you show up. And it doesn’t mean that you just give in. And it doesn’t have to mean that you’re a bitch, you can come to the table with compassion for everyone, including yourself. And this really is the answer to feeling better. And it never ends. I believe that we have these spirals of growth. So we all have a curriculum here on Earth, we all have our own lessons to learn our own game plan, whatever you want to call it. And I believe until you get it, you will continue to be served up the lesson in a different way. And it doesn’t end unless, of course, we stopped evolving, which, if you’re listening, it’s not where you’re at. You want to keep evolving. And I will tell you, I got my brain in a good spot, finally. And then I had a colleague told me something similar happened to him. And the solution that was served up to him totally different to which my brain immediately went to Well, clearly there is a double standard here. And in that moment, I just chose to stop. Some of you may say, that sounds like a fact right that, well, if he had one solution, and you had another that could be considered a double standard. And you know what, I didn’t even want to get into the weeds about all of the details by then. But I knew my reason was not to not rock the boat. Right? I knew that I didn’t want to listen and go into it more. But it wasn’t from a place because I didn’t want to upset anybody. It was for my own benefit, because I had already allowed too much of my energy to be wasted on the initial incident. And quite frankly, we’re still in the process of figuring it out. So who knows, maybe I’ll come back with an update after Vegas. What I know, though, is there is no upside for me to focus on that. Same with you consider where your energy is being sent? Is there an upside, there’s no upside for me to continue to vent to the team or to Marc, I would much rather spend my time thinking about you about how I can help you that is way more productive. And you get to choose just like I do every step of the way. And whatever situation it is for you. You get to choose how you react, how you show up, how you do it in a way that you hold the power to take care of yourself. And you know what, you can learn new info and each circumstance and then decide again, just keep doing the work. The important things to know are that you can be an advocate for yourself. And when we allow others or situations determine our energy, we limit ourselves to then being based on their actions. Instead, I want to encourage you to think about where you can show up in a way that allows you to have your own back in a way that feels right to you. And as always, that looks different for everyone. And I will tell you, as we do more of this work for ourselves, that is also going to look different for you as you make each spiral of growth in your life as you continue to increase what you have going on in your life and evolve. Every spiral around ound is your opportunity to be intentional. That’s where the power is. Focus your energy there. Okay, listen, if you want to decrease some of the stress and overwhelm in your life head to Michellebourquecoaching.com/overwhelm and get started with the easy guide that I have for you. Friends, that’s what I have for you today. Use what works leave what doesn’t and tune in next week for another opportunity to transform your life. Make it a great day take care

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