Ep 216 Handling Stress During the Holidays
This time of year can be especially stressful as more is being asked of you. Join me today as I share some stories of chaos at work, challenges with loved ones and how you can incorporate these tools to feel better as you close out the year and look towards 2023.
In this episode:
- Fire drills at work
- Never blame the Circumstance
- Stress from work and family
- How to feel better each day
- Choosing on purpose how you react
- Prioritizing with intention
- 2023 goal setting call: www.michellebourquecoaching.com/connect
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(Transcribed by OtterAI with minimal efforts)
Michelle Bourque 0:00 You are listening to the richer time podcast and I’m your host certified life coach Michelle Arnold Berg. And today’s episode I’m discussing handling stress during the holidays. Welcome to the richer time Podcast, the podcast. We’re busy professionals, like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule. So you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place.
Michelle Bourque 0:36 Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome back to the podcast friends. What a week. Last week, I will tell you I had a lot of use for all of the mindset tools that I talked to you about. It was a fun one. Did you happen to notice it? It was beautiful. And I was convinced that was part of the reason why the week was just so chaotic. And you might know what I’m talking about. We seem to have fire drills left and right. One day, I was driving north for about an hour, trying to get equipment for a case last minute to be told that the case was then canceled. So I was racing back in the opposite direction, because we received another you know, quote unquote, emergency call. So I was driving about two hours south and then back north like Oh, my goodness, I had to get into a doctor’s appointment that I had on the schedule for a month. A surgeon was texting and calling because rightfully so he was not happy about a miscommunication. And then we had another doctor not happy that we didn’t have the answer that he was looking for. I mean, honestly, it was just one of those days, and I was like, What the hell is going on. And that’s when I checked the full moon schedule, I noticed that it was a full moon. But by the time I arrived to my doctor’s appointment, my blood pressure was legit, elevated, and yet my mind seemed more calm than ever. And I will tell you, if I didn’t have these tools that I teach, who knows where my blood pressure might have been. And that’s what I want to talk about today is really being able to handle the holidays, and the stress that sometimes comes along with it. Because it’s important that we’re able to be able to calm ourselves, and to be able to not have the stress and the overwhelm take over so that we’re able to get through it in a manageable way. So it’s funny, my colleague attributed the high blood pressure number to some of the issues of the day, which many may have. But honestly, my response was, we never blame the circumstances. And I want you to hear me when I say that, because I know I jokingly blamed the full moon. But the truth is, it was my thoughts about the circumstances that may have elevated the blood pressure temporarily. And this is great news. This is what I really want you to know. Because when you know that you are always in control of your thinking, you are not always in control of your circumstances, then that’s where you have your power. As soon as I find out how to really have control of the circumstances, I will for sure let you know. In fact, I will do a special podcast episode. But for now, we will continue to reiterate the importance of knowing that you are the one in control of how you react to all of the circumstances. And it’s important to know this because I see so many reps burning out or wanting to leave because you think that the job or the boss is what’s causing you stress. Here is the thing, when you think that the only solution is for them to change. This is the same idea during the holidays. It is not the in laws or the presence or the To Do lists that cause you stress. It is how you are thinking about all of them. And when you can pay attention to what you think about your boss, your colleagues, your list your relatives. And listen, I get if we’re specifically talking about work stuff that there are some leaders that shall we say, might be better off not being leaders, right. But even that is a thought and I will go ahead and give it to you. But the most important part for you to get here is that when you know it, you’re thinking about the boss about the list about the relatives or the job, then you are way more empowered to get curious. Curiosity is gold and I just like to take some time to look at my thoughts and see if they are even true. Let me give you a couple of examples. I I used to think I have no time for myself with this job. And friends and family would sometimes agree. Right? It seemed like I was always working. But I had another colleague for example, same job, same role, same territory, right? Who used to get his hair cut during the day on a workday. Sidenote, when we moved here, I specifically found my place to get my hair done, because they had weekend hours, right? But he would tell me, Michel, the hair grows on company time. So I get it cut on company time, to different thoughts. My thinking was, I have no time, right? I’m feeling very stressed and overwhelmed. I’m making my appointments on the weekends. His thought was, it grows on company time. So I get it cut on company time, no extra stress. And it’s such a small example. But what do I always say here? Small actions make up lasting changes. So if on a daily basis, you are telling yourself that you don’t have time, or that you’re too stressed to do all of the things, you have to recognize that, because holding on to thoughts like that thoughts like I have no time produces, guess what? The result of having no time, but it’s not the job. It’s not the list, it’s not the holidays that’s causing that it’s your brain. And this time of year, especially, you might be thinking that right? I have no time. That is a lie, that you’re telling yourself, just stop it, it feels terrible. And it likely makes you feel stressed and overwhelmed. And here’s the thing, you might not even realize this, I want you to really listen to what I’m going to say here. Because oftentimes, we think I have no time to get this done, I have so much to do. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know what I should do next. But the truth is, you are always prioritizing. What I want you to do is prioritize more with intention, so that you can give yourself some freaking credit for doing it along the way. Because I assure you, you would never, ever end the day saying, oh, you know, that kid came up to me bleeding, and I just didn’t have enough time to take care of her. Know, in that moment you prioritize. And at the end of the day, you need to train your brain to see all of the ways that you did enough. Show yourself, all of the things that you did accomplish, our brain automatically goes to the parts that we didn’t do, right? We go into bed, we think about oh, I didn’t get that done. I didn’t do that I have to do that tomorrow, forget to do that. I want you to even think about an example. This is an easy one for most people to relate to of losing weight. Let’s say that you wanted to lose 10 pounds and you lost eight. What do you focus on the two that you didn’t lose? You lost eight pounds for crying out loud, right? acknowledging what it is that you have done is so important, because it allows you to build the relationship that you have with yourself. And trust me, you are much more likely to get more things done tomorrow, or to lose those last two pounds, when you’re coming from compassion versus judgment. And I want us to all just start dropping the judgment that we have about ourselves. It’s the same concept of the boss in the job not causing you stress. I know it feels like it most days. But when we can look at what we have actually accomplished. And really be clear on how that made us successful for the day. That is when you will start to feel some relief from the stress. Same idea if you’re thinking about what it is that your boss said, or your relatives, right, use these tools in a way that works for your situation. How we do one thing is how we do many things. So I may be talking about the boss or the relative, I want you to think about who it is for you think about is it. The five phone calls and 10 emails that she sent today. Have some clarity, what are you making that mean? And when you can get clear on what your thoughts are about what they are saying or doing. That’s when you get to decide if you want to keep thinking that and from there you choose again, we always get to choose again on our thinking. And this, again, is not just your career, it can be in your personal life as well. Like I said The holidays can be so Super joyful for a lot of people. And they can also be a challenge for some, maybe your thoughts around what you need to do maybe your list, that’s totally fine. But your thoughts about seeing your family members, maybe not so fine. And you can use these same tools. You look at what you’re thinking, and I will tell you, I am using this as I deal with a family member having some mental health issues and refusing help. And I have thoughts like, I should be able to make this right, or I should be able to fix this. They sound lovely, right? Like, it seems like, Okay, Michelle Bourque 10:36 let’s go ahead and take care of this, like old Michelle, for sure would have been like done. Here I am to save the day. But they are really such poisonous thoughts because they feel terrible. Because I am not able to control the other person. Where do you have similar thinking, and it might be for your daughter, perhaps like wanting to make sure that she is happy through the holidays, and you think it’s your job to do that. It’s not give yourself some grease, of course, you can do all that you want to attempt to accomplish that goal. But at the end of the day, we all feel our own feelings. So she will feel her own happiness. And I want to take this to the next level for you. Why do you think it’s important to make her happy, right, we talked about seeing your thoughts? And then what do you make the mean? So what will you make it mean, if you do or don’t, most of my clients that I work with, they think that making their kid happy is in fact their job. And then that means that they are then a good parent, but you know what, you can just go ahead and decide no matter what, that you’re a good parent, or it could be a good daughter, or a good sister, whatever it is for you. I can decide with my situation that even though I can’t, quote unquote, save this person, I can be compassionate along the way for everyone involved. And I want you to hear me here, we are closing out 2022. And we’re looking towards some pretty amazing opportunities and 2023. So let’s take some time to reflect over the next couple of weeks on the year that was 2022. Let’s find ways that we can each day allow ourselves the grace to not be so hard on ourselves. And to really give ourselves credit where credit is due. I want you to decide what the story is that you want to tell about your year from the lens that it was supposed to be that way. There is never any upside, and looking back and telling a terrible story. Closing out the year in a way that sets you up with positive energy entertaining, the new year will make such a difference. It will change every single aspect of your life. Knowing that you have the power of choice allows you to decide on purpose, what you want to think about everything going on around you during this time of year. You know they talk about the magic of Christmas and I think knowing this is the real magic in your life. And it lasts. Okay friends, listen, you know I love this stuff. I have eight spots open for private one on one coaching for q1. So starting in January. Let’s go ahead and get on a call now and we can talk about what it is that you do want to accomplish in 2023. And we to get you there I promise you, you will leave the call with transformation. Just go to Michellebourquecoaching.com/connect and get a time schedule. Super simple friends. Once you get the time scheduled you’ll receive an email from me and then we take it from there. Okay my friend that’s what I have for you today. Let’s circle back next week but for now, make it a great day. Take care Michelle Bourque 14:29 Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one, go to MichelleBourquecoaching.com, and click on get started to begin