Ep 201 the #1 Thing to Overcome Stress at Work

Join me today as I share the #1 thing you need to know in order to overcome stress at work.  If you think it’s the job, the boss, or the coworkers – you need to listen now.  So many women feel stressed and overwhelmed from work demands and today I am sharing how you can start feeling better.

In This Episode:

• Where stress comes from
• Where stress does not come from
• The importance of awareness in your thinking about work 
• How to find balance in work and life 
• Complimentary guide:  www.michellebourquecoaching.com/198    

 

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Episode Transcript:

(Transcribed by OtterAI with minimal edits)

Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome back to the podcast. friends here. We are heading into Labor Day weekend. The kiddos are going back to school I imagine and I’ve already received a Christmas catalog. If you can believe it. I mean, I’m sure you can likely believe it because the Halloween candy for crying out loud has been out for weeks now. It’s all so nutty. Okay, I want to just go ahead and jump right into today’s topic, the number one thing to overcome stress at work. And I want to start with a story as the first example for this today, because I just came back from a work trip this past weekend, we were in Florida. Wait, total sidenote, and I will consider this a PSA and you can think me at a future date. Note to self flying in the summer from Orlando, after multiple delays, may or may not equate to a brutal flight with lots of screaming children. So book with caution. Okay, so we were at this meeting. And I was at a table networking with some colleagues discussing different aspects of changes that are currently taking place, and discussing some different benefits that our products have versus the other companies. And as I was talking to the first rep, a lot of the conversation seemed to focus on all of the challenges, and basically left an overall feeling that wasn’t so great with what was going on, I would say maybe drained. Maybe he was on the edge of burnout, let’s just say it didn’t seem like everything was rainbows and daisies. And I had the same conversation, same question to another guy. And he was telling me about all of the opportunities and ideas he had. And things seemed to be going pretty well. Same topic of conversation, same job title, two different perspectives. So what does this leave us? It leaves us with the fact that your job is not what causes you stress. I know, I know, I used to think it was the job. So stay with me. Let’s just take a moment and think about where stress goes. And the think feel do cycle that we talk about here all the time. Stress is a feeling and feelings come from our thoughts. So the job would be this circumstance. And then what are your thoughts about the job, it’s important to know what they are because it’s the perspectives, the filters, the thoughts that determine your feelings. This is really great news, friends, you can always control your thinking. And when you decide on purpose, what to think you have way more control, more control in your life, and your job and every aspect that you have going on than you even realize. And that is what determines how you feel on a day to day basis. I am telling you, knowing this can be life changing. Because think about it. Here you are thinking that the job is what causes your stress. It leads you to at some point, people are just hating the job so much that they want to leave, they might end up taking a step back. Maybe they go for a promotion, it can go in either direction, right?

4:34 But if you’re feeling stressed on a day to day basis, where do you then bring that into other aspects of your life? Where do you perhaps bring it into what’s going on in your family life? Or where do you perhaps bring it into areas of your life that will ultimately leave you with the net negative effect that I often speak about here meaning at the end of the day, you think that you are so Unknown Speaker 5:00 I was stressed because of the job, that you need to have that glass of wine in order to relax, or you need to go and get those cookies so that you can just calm down. And then you end up beating yourself up for the acts of eating the cookies, or drinking the wine, when in fact, if we just get to the root of what is going on the core issue, which is your thinking about the job, it can take off so many different layers, let’s take a different angle at looking at this specific to your job. Some people will say that their boss causes them to be stressed, not so much my friend. First off, don’t give anyone that much power. No other person determines your feelings. Ever. This is a sometimes a challenging one, and I get it, I still work on it myself. But it is what you think about their actions that determine your feelings. Again, we’re sticking with a think feel do cycle. And your feelings will come from your thoughts, not their actions. So you and I could have the same boss, and you might think he is really too much with those emails. And I might think I love all of this communication. I mean, I am after all, a Communications major. So when someone thinks he really is too much with these emails, they might feel stressed, frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, but when I think I love all of this communication, I feel excited, maybe motivated, maybe competitive, depending on what exactly is in those emails. And the person that’s feeling stressed, frustrated, and annoyed is going to have different activities and their do line. Think about it for you when you are frustrated, stressed, annoyed, what do you do, versus the actions of someone like me? If I’m thinking that I love all of this communication, and I’m feeling motivated, competitive, excited. Think about it again for you. How are your actions different if you’re feeling motivated, versus stressed? And again, those feelings will come from your thinking, I’m telling you, once you really get this, everything changes. Now, I’m not saying you always have to feel amazing when people say things about you, perhaps that you don’t agree with but do not allow them the power by saying they made me feel and Sir, whatever. And I get it. This is how we’re often socialized as kids thinking, we might make somebody cry. For example, if we say something. Now listen, I’m not saying everyone goes around acting like jackasses, and not the kind that is not the message. The message is, you’re way more empowered knowing you get to decide on purpose, how you want to think. And you might, for example, want to feel disappointed in someone based on their actions, because that might move you to taking action to get out of certain situations. 

8:26 It’s all about being intentional. It’s all about becoming aware of what you are currently thinking, feeling doing. And what are the results that you have? And What results do you want to accomplish? And based on that, What results do you want to accomplish? What actions will you need to take? What feelings will you need to have? And what thoughts will you need to have an order to feel that way? It’s such magic when you can think on purpose and create the life that you want. Now, I’m talking mostly today about stress here. But I do want to take a moment and look at the flip side. The feeling of balance. Balance is a feeling. Now I don’t really believe in 5050 work life balance. People talk about that all the time. I believe in more integration and taking the action to integrate your life in a way that works for you. Again, a way that works for you, not the standards of anything in society, not the standards of what your parents might expect. Not the standards of what your siblings might expect, not the standard of what your work folks expect the standards of what you desire. And integrating and taking action and feeling balanced. Guess what?

Also comes From your thoughts that bring you a sense of balance, balance is not a destination of arrival to the final perfected schedule. And I think a lot of times, we strive for this idea of work life balance, right, and air quotes, or even work life integration, we think it’s this destination, this result. But balance is a feeling. And you get to create that feeling every single day. It’s about being present in each moment. It’s concentrating on work, when you are at work, and not thinking that you should be doing something else with the family. And when you are with the family, it’s about being present. And doing so. And not beating yourself up saying that you should be doing more work items, we really are just so mean to ourselves. Sometimes we give ourselves these lose lose situations, where we argue with the fact that we are either at home, and we should be at work doing more things, or when we’re at work, we should be at home doing more of those things. Don’t argue with the reality of what your current moment is, there really is no upside. And it keeps you stuck. If you pay attention to your present moment, you get to take a look around. Is it what you want? Are there changes maybe that you want to make? And you won’t know that answer if you just keep going and going and going and telling yourself at every freaking corner that you should be doing something different. No more shitting on yourself. Okay. I love that we should on ourselves a lot of people, we need to stop that. Here’s a little tip that I heard about how to stay present on a recent podcast with one of my dear friends and coach for vets losing weight and the dena. She was talking about how she pays attention to her Pinkie now she is a veterinarian herself. And so she said before she walks in to see a patient, she feels her pinky on the clipboard. And that brings her into the moment to know that she is going to be going in to help this patient. But she also did add a little caveat that there are certain circumstances where perhaps she might focus on her middle finger instead, I was dying. Right friends, it’s all about what works for you. Okay, so let’s wrap this up. What if what I’m saying today is true? What if it’s never the job that causes you stress? What if the number one thing that you really need to do is take a look at your thinking and decide on purpose? If it is useful? What if you really are the one that is always in control? What would be different? Get curious? What are your current thoughts about your job, get a pen and paper, write them all down. And if you want, feel free to use the notes section on your phone as well, whatever works? And then ask yourself, what else could be true? A lot of times, we have these beliefs about our job that seems so ingrained. We think they’re facts. question it. rarely, rarely are the facts. Most often, there are thoughts. And there are thoughts that we have thought consistently in a way that has made them into these beliefs that we ultimately believe are facts, question it. And then get curious again. How do you want to feel about your job? What do you want to think about your job in order to feel that way? And again, remember what I’ve talked about in the past with ladder thoughts, we don’t go from I hate my job, too much love is the most amazing thing ever. There are many, many options in between. And we want to make sure that the thoughts you’re thinking are ones that you believe, and then you practice them every single day. Because the fact is, you’ve practiced the current thinking for how many years, let’s unlearn the thinking that isn’t useful for you in order for you to excel in your career. And once you get the first new thought down, you can take the next step and again, build build, build on each thought along the way. And if you want help with this, I have a free guide three simple steps to help you accelerate 

15:00 Your career without the stress and overwhelm, it will really offer you an opportunity to get clear on your priorities and start scheduling in a way that makes you a boss of your life. So just go to Michellebourquecoaching.com/198 Super simple. Put your email in. You’ll get the download and you’ll also get my weekly emails where I share more tools for free for you. Okay, friends, that’s what I have for you today. Let’s circle back next week but for now, make it a great day. Take care 

15:42 Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one, go to MichelleBourquecoaching.com and click on get started to begin