Ep 189 Managing Your Self Talk

Join me today as I discuss the importance of managing your self talk.  The way you speak to yourself plays a very important role in the results you create in life.  Listen in as I talk about – not only why you should manage the things you say to yourself – but the steps you need to start taking in order to make the changes you most desire in life.

In This Episode:

• Pop up free coaching this weekend – get on email list for next offers: www.michellebourquecoaching.com/list 
• Becoming aware of what you say to yourself daily 
• Neuroplasticity and wiring new beliefs
• Hebbian Theory and Joe Dispenza – The neurons that fire together wire together 
• Human Design – www.jovianarchive.com and Rebecca Tervo
• Using compassion and curiosity to create new results 
• Strategy calls (free) www.michellebourquecoaching.com/connect
• Peloton – Christine D’Ercole – I AM, I CAN, I WILL, I DO

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Episode Transcript:

You are listening to the it’s your time podcast and I’m your host certified life coach Michelle Arnold Bourque, and today’s episode I’m discussing managing your self talk.

Welcome to the it’s your time Podcast, the podcast where busy professionals like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule. So you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place.

Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome back to the podcast friends. How are you doing today? I have to tell you, I am feeling pretty amazing. And it has nothing to do with the two Excedrin it’s in the two coffees, I assure you. Honestly, what has gone on this weekend has been so much fun. I did a pop up offer to folks on my email list. And for those on my Facebook page for free coaching, no strings, no obligations, just wanted to help some people who wanted to help. And it has been so much fun. Thank you to all of you who actually took advantage of the offer. It has been a blast, and I hope that you were able to get what you were looking for. And if you are not on my email list, why not? What are you waiting for, I send you a little love note each week. It’s basically the place to be for more free content and coaching tools will of course here on the podcast is one place, but also on the email list. That’s also a place where you can connect with me learn ways that we can work together for coaching. Now, if you want to sign up, it’s super easy. Go to Michelle Berg coaching.com, forward slash list. I will say that again.
You want to go to the www.michellebourquecoaching.com/list.  and sign up. Just do it.

Okay, now that I’m done bossing you around for the day. Maybe the coffee does have something to do with it. Let’s jump into this week’s episode. Today, I want to talk to you about managing self talk. This is so important for you to be able to create the life you most desire. And it was something that I coached on over this weekend with the free coaching, we can be so judgmental and mean to our selves, sometimes vicious, and sometimes, without even really seeing it. As I get into this, I really want you to think about how this shows up for you. And consider where you might be able to implement some changes. If you see fit. To get started. What do you think is the thing that you tell yourself the most? Like what is the thing you say to yourself on a daily basis. I know for me, I catch myself often telling myself, I’m not doing enough. It doesn’t even really matter what it is I’m doing. I catch myself saying I should have or could have done more. Here is one thing, though, that has changed for me since I started doing all of this work and learning the tools around coaching. Before I knew all of the tools, especially the thought model that I talked about here, the think feel do cycle you may also hear it referred to as I would just report. I wasn’t doing enough as if it was the news. It just seemed to be a fact. I’m not doing enough. And now I can see more as an observer of my thinking that that is not a truth. It is something my brain has thought for many, many years. And it is a belief that I have held and it is not useful. Now if you’re with me, maybe it’s I’m not doing enough or for you maybe it’s something along the lines of I’m not smart enough or I’m not making enough money or I’m not thin enough. Whatever it is. I want you to stop and pay attention to how often you say this. And then stop and think about you as a little girl. Like maybe even go back and check out pictures of yourself when you were younger. Would you ever be telling her she is not smart enough? rich enough? doing enough? thin enough?

No, you wouldn’t. And if you can’t quite get to that place where you think of you, as a little girl, think of any special little girl in your life? Would you say any of that? No. So question, why do we think it’s okay to speak to our selves like that? It is not an empowering mindset for what we are here to do in this life of ours. And I want you to dig a little deeper into this thought, what is enough? So often we tell ourselves that we’re not doing enough or it’s not enough. And that keeps us in this state of busy, busy, busy doing doing doing, and then we wonder why the hell we feel so stressed and overwhelmed? Listen, you just get to decide what is enough. Oh, and yes. Did you catch what I said there?

You decide. It’s not something that other people decide for you. You decide what enough is, and you have to be sure you are clear on that. Because with any goal, if we do not have an endpoint, our brain is just going to keep working, working, working. And there is no specific end in sight, you need to know what enough is you need to tell yourself what that means for you. There really is not a quote unquote, right answer, everyone’s is going to be different. And that’s perfect. And give yourself some grace. Some of the coaching that I did this weekend, had so much self judgment around the situations. And this is just an added layer of BS that we put upon ourselves. For some folks, it sounded like, look at what you did to yourself again, or I don’t stay on plan. It’s ridiculous. Or I don’t know if what I’m doing is right, which I will say is one thought that has a dot dot dot after it. So if you catch yourself wondering, like, Am I doing this? Right? I want you to think about this. We say something along the lines of I don’t know if what I’m doing is right, dot dot dot, I’m not doing it right, is usually the next layer of that thought. Because if we thought we were doing it, right, we would just know, there would be certainty there. When we’re questioning it. When our brain is questioning it, we need to with authority, take control and answer the questions. Are you doing enough? Yes. Are you doing it? Right? Yes. Or another question I saw is, can I be doing it better? That goes back to that mindset thinking of when I get there, it will be better. And whenever I talk about
taking your life to the next level, or being your next best self, that doesn’t mean that it’s better than who you are today, you are currently your best self. We do this work to evolve, because we want to grow. It is not that we think it’s going to be better when we get there. It’s because we want to continue to work and develop our truest desires and life that we want to create. Now, when I say give yourself grace, I mean, as an example, for me, I’m at a pretty good point of knowing that my workouts, my meditations, my reading, all the things associated with my morning routine are totally enough. I love my morning routines. But I still work on this idea of not enough scarcity, mindset thinking right? Sometimes in the area of money. And it doesn’t matter what level you get to. I’m making more money than my younger self would have ever imagined. And I still think I should be doing more. That’s because I have some money beliefs that I am working to clean up. I tell you guys all the time, I’m here doing this work with you. I might be a couple steps ahead. But it is continuous and I don’t think it ever ends. Now I could actually be at a point where I’m probably making $5 million and still think I should be doing more if I don’t clean up some of my old beliefs. And as a side note, coming attractions next week, I have a treat for you because I’m sharing a conversation that I recently had with a money mindset and feminist coach, so be sure to tune in for that. Okay, so giving myself Grace would look like celebrating and knowing
that I have the skill to figure it out.
You have the skills to figure it out. Now, you just need to make some tweaks here and there, right? Like find the evidence of where you’re doing enough if we’re going to stick with this example. And then just extrapolate it to maybe areas where you don’t tell yourself that, in order to make the changes to the next area of your life, you have to start thinking on purpose. So we’ve talked about what the thing is that you tell yourself the most. Next, I want you to question, is it even true? Can you be sure that it’s 100%? True? I’m going to guess if you polled everyone in your life, someone or two or three would likely say what your thought is, is not true. Not effect. So who would you be? Without thinking that thought? Fascinating question, right? Who would you be without thinking the thought that you have thought for years. So if I’m thinking I’m not doing enough, I can say it’s not true. Marc, for example, is often telling me to take a break from doing doing doing and relax more. But relaxing, is not so relaxing to me most days. But I will say, my human design, in my defense is a generator, which basically means that I have a lot of energy, my makeup is that I’m a worker bee. Human Design can be so fun. And if you want to know more about it, or find out what yours is, check out www.Jovian archive.com. I’ll put the link in the notes. And I also had as a quick sidenote, Rebecca Tervo on the podcast
a few podcasts ago, just check for Rebecca Tervo and she discussed human design.

Y’all know how I like to hook you up with so many different things of goodness here, check it all out.

Okay. So the last question, who would you be without the thought? For me? I think I would probably be a little bit more peaceful. Perhaps some may say, calm. But what is it for you? Who would you be without that thought? Now? Why is managing yourself talk so important? Remember, your brain has a reticular activating system, our RAS, which is the filter by which you see the world? Have you heard that saying, what I see is up to me. The reticular activating system is like, you know, back in the day, the bouncer at the club.
I’m guessing they still have bouncers, right?

It’s what allows info in or not in. So the thing that you believe about yourself, something like I’ve never been able to lose the weight will have your brain on a mission to find all of the evidence of how you haven’t been able to lose the weight. You go back to the past, you dig up all the crappy times when maybe something didn’t work for you. But your past is not the indication of where you want to go. That is not where we find evidence for creating your future. You want to work from possibility. So maybe a thought like, I’m going to figure it out this time, no matter what.
And you have to practice the new thought. But be sure you believe it first. So in some instances, you might even want to say something more along the lines of I’m learning new ways to figure it out. Sometimes just inserting that I’m learning allows you to really embrace the new thought. And the reason that you have to practice is based on heavy in theory, which is basically the neuroscientific theory that says an increase in synaptic efficacy arises from presynaptic cells repeated and persistent stimulation of a post synaptic. So it’s basically an attempt to explain synaptic plasticity. You’ve also probably heard of neuroplasticity. It’s the adaptation of the brain’s neurons during the learning process. So up to this point, you have practiced the unintentional thought, in my example, I’m not doing enough. And so now, you need to work on practicing the new thought. So that becomes your solid belief of yourself and will create a new result. Remember, new thinking creates new results. Joe Dispenza talks about this in his book, breaking the habit of being yourself and he simply says, the cells that fire together wire together so let’s be
consciously working to manage those thoughts. And to really be intentional about what we are saying to ourselves about ourselves. Truly those thoughts, the words, they make the most impact on us the words we tell ourselves are so important. And we need to be on to ourselves about what those words are. I was recently taking a peloton ride, this could be another tool that might help you with Christine, who is one of the instructors and she has a handle for her social media, I am I can, I will I do. And you make these four little sentences that you can put on repeat. And it’s really an opportunity for you to be able to get from where you are now to where you want to be. So for example, I am strong, I can figure this out, I will keep going. And I do make a difference. And the words that help you change the trajectory of your life, you truly are the one that is able to give yourself the gift of your life. And I know I’m often guilty of trying to either change others, right, spend that energy, trying to make other people do what I think is probably best for them, as if I know what’s best for them, or maybe manipulate myself in order to have people like me or to fit in. But I have to say, I don’t believe we’re put on this earth to change the trajectory of our loved ones journeys. I mean, if I ever do figure it out, I will be sure to sell it to you here. But for now, let’s work on managing and controlling what we say about ourselves. Our energy is so much more useful. doing that work, what we want to create in our lives. You’re here for a reason. You are unique. Each and every one of us has our own uniqueness. We don’t need to fit in. We need to do our own life you need to do you, you are most yourself when you use the tools that you have been given. Embrace more of who you want to be. Manage the self talk in a way that is useful. I always say there’s no right or wrong thoughts. But there are four absolutely sure. thoughts that are more useful than others. And you always have agency over choosing what that looks like. You always have agency of choosing the thoughts for yourself. Choose wisely. Okay, friends, that’s what I have for you today. Again, please be sure to get on the email list www.MichelleBourque coaching.com/list and please share this episode with anyone that you think could benefit have them hop on the list to of course, this goes for any episode. You can please share it with anyone that you think would benefit
let’s circle back next week, but for now, make it a great day. Take care
Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one, go to Michelle Bourque coaching.com, and click on get started to begin