Ep 176 Patriarchy in the Medical Device Field

Join me today as I begin a discussion around how the Patriarchy shows up in the device field.  This conversation is an opportunity to see how we can all begin to make changes in an effort to dismantle the system that tends to keep women playing small.  Change begins with awarenes— and once we know better we do better – one step at a time.  I would love to know how this lands for you.

In This Episode:

• The Boys Club of medical device 
• Masculine energy around words 
• Promotional opportunities 
• Questioning the idea that all success must include hard work
• The balance of being a mom and having a successful career
• Stop apologizing for your life 
• How you define success
• Michelle Morkert: https://michellemorkert.com/about/ 
• Continue the conversation with me: contact@michellebourquecoaching.com

 

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Episode Transcript:

You are listening to the it’s your time podcast and I’m your host certified life coach Michelle Arnold Burke, and today’s episode I’m discussing the patriarchy in the medical device field. Welcome to the it’s your time Podcast, the podcast, we’re busy professionals, like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule. So you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place. Hello, hello, welcome back to the podcast friends, here we are in Women’s History Month. In fact, International Women’s Day, which just the other day, and today, I want to start opening up a conversation around disrupting or dismantling the patriarchy. And I think sometimes when I hear people talk about this, it’s almost like cold bristle down on my back. Is that actually the right saying? Sometimes, I’m so bad with sayings. But I think you know what I mean, it’s sometimes it makes my hair stand on end. Because I think oftentimes when we talk about patriarchy, people get the idea that it’s something against someone we love, for example, so I just want to be clear, I am not bashing men, I love men. In fact, I have a husband, I have brothers, I have a dad. So that is not what this conversation is, it is really an opportunity to discuss the system. That is the patriarchal system, not a single person. Not anybody in particular, because the truth is, all of us men and women continue to perpetuate the idea of the system. And I recently had a class and it opened up an awareness for me. And as you know, I always say awareness is the first step to any change. And so I thought I would share some ideas with you. And I would love for you to consider how this lands. And I want you to consider maybe what some changes might be for each of us to make, because that’s how lasting change occurs. Right, small changes within ourselves over time. That’s what will begin dismantling some of what we all just accept as the quote unquote, norm. And today, I’m using real life examples, some current and some from when I first started in the device world, and we can chat about what might be able to be changed in order to help more women along the way. So I will begin by noting that the teacher of that class that I recently took was Michelle Markert, PhD, and she is a leadership coach, and gender scholar. So if you wanted somebody to follow might be fun to check her out, I might even see if she would be willing to do a podcast because I did learn a lot in such a little bit of time. And there is still so much more for me to learn. And what I’ve seen as the definition is and what I will be referring to in this podcast, the definition of patriarchy is going to be the power relationship between men and women. And it often leaves women playing small. So if I look at how this industry specifically medical device med tech, where it shows up, it is quite prevalent. For years, it has been a boys club. And I remember recently. Now hear me because I remember recently when I was just talking about the importance of using and in your filter, right? So it has been a boys club, and it has gotten better. Well, at least I speak for my company because I remember when I first started, it was such a boys club. In fact, early on, I remember a nurse saying, Oh, we aren’t used to seeing little girls here in the bar. It’s usually big guys. And let me tell you, from someone who was 99 pounds in third grade, I do not consider myself pedal. And one of the male reps that I used to work with early on, told me this is not a good mom job. As if to say it’s okay for a dead job. But back then, I didn’t realize this idea of patriarchy. And I have to say I believed him for many years. I would tell other people that I didn’t think it was a good mom job. And let’s just take a minute and explore why that might be because moms in many instances are expected to do Do all of the activities, right of taking care of the kids, and the House and the spouse. And so when we extrapolate, it means if you want to be good in the job, you must have to give up that part of who you are. So let’s just take a minute and think about how this struggle might show up for you. I’ve coached women on this. And it’s really fascinating. When we look at how you balance being a quote, unquote, good mom, and have a successful career, here is the key that you need to know. You get to decide what that looks like for you. You decide what success looks like. And there we go, again, the use of and it can change over time in your life. So ask yourself, do you want to cook dinner every night? Do you want to be in charge of all the kid activities? If yes, own it, rock on. But if you’re doing it, because you think you should, because that’s what society has set the structure as then maybe consider changing it, you get to choose what success looks like. And in order to do that, you need to get clear on what that answer is. So ask yourself, I know I’m successful when fill in that blank, and own it. And listen, I have been guilty of this myself, I have basically apologized over the years for not having kids, because I didn’t think I did it, quote unquote, right? There’s a lot of shame around it. And the way I would compensate is that I will try to take on more work. Because, again, back to the hypothesis, right, based on what society has told us. If I wasn’t successful as a mom, then I better make it up in the form of work. It’s so crazy now to see. But I bought into this BS for years. And when I tell you years, this was just recently that I have learned to stop apologizing for my life. And I want to share these concepts and tools with you. So that you can get there much faster. You get to own your life, whatever that looks like. And if you are listening, and you’re not a mom, whether that be because you are choosing not to or because it hasn’t worked out for you yet. I want you to hear me when I say it does not determine your worth, you decide you are worthy, no matter what anyone else says. And you live your life from that point. Now, the patriarchy tends to teach women that we put ourselves last right, it teaches us to believe that what other people think of us is more important than that of our own dreams that which we believe to be true about ourselves. So why don’t we start with a little plan to begin giving up our desire to please everyone else, and start pleasing ourselves that begins to dismantle the system. Which side note in the process of pleasing yourself, finding what it is that you desire, your life can explode. Now listen, I did not say implode, right? There’s a difference, explode, like, get even better. So as I was doing this podcast, and I’m considering more examples, I also recall a time when I had a manager telling me that I wouldn’t get promoted, because my numbers were not where they needed to be. And yet, he promoted for males who also had numbers that, shall I say, were less than stellar at the same time. So how do you deal with that? I always tell new hires, keep paper trails, keep your numbers, keep what you are doing. Keep in communication. Again, when I first started, I just thought everyone should know all the great things that I was doing. Listen, when I tell you, they don’t. You have to be willing to pick up the mic and let people know what you are doing. And so often, we have been told to be humble, polite, just do your thing and don’t rock the boat. Rock the Boat friends, it doesn’t have to have a negative connotation. It means you are having your own back. You are taking care of what your needs are. We worry and take care of everyone else. We worry and take care of what we think everyone else thinks is important or everyone else needs but what really needs to happen is that you need to start taking care of what you need because let’s Then, as you do more of that, others will feel like they can as well. We have the opportunities that we do today because of what other women have done. So let’s work on passing that on, right. And I will say now, even more recently, in fact, this year, and maybe because I’m seeing and hearing things differently now that I have a new layer of awareness, but I was recently speaking to a hiring manager who was telling me, they wanted someone for the job who was 110%, all in at nights, they were expected to be looking for leads, for example, even if they were with their family, and I just thought, that seems like some old school thinking. What if we all started questioning the thought that things need to be, quote unquote, hard, in order to be successful? And that includes me, I’ve bought into this idea for decades. But what if you could be successful with ease? I will tell you, it is possible. Look around some of the most successful folks that make a ton of money. Also, do it with ease. Now, don’t hear me saying sit back and eat bonbons all day? No. But what if you could take some pressure off yourself, in order to expand your life more. In order to do that, we have to start paying attention to the words that we say and the words we accept as truth. We need to get clear on what our priorities are, and what is truly important in our lives. So when I talk about words matter, I’ll give you an example. Because this was a recent one as well. I saw someone complimenting someone by saying You are the epitome of hard work. Words matter. They reinforce the neural pathways of what we believe. And if you say the same thing over and over, that you’re doing a great job, because you’re working hard. Guess what, you’re going to get the same results, you’re going to keep continuing to work hard, you’re going to feel overwhelmed, you’re going to feel stressed, and you’re not going to be doing more of what you want. In fact, you might even feel stuck in life, because you are thinking and accepting the same beliefs and speaking the words that are used when we are reinforcing the patriarchy. And I also recently saw someone mentioned how their team goes into the fire together, totally masculine energy, right? And listen, it wasn’t a group of firefighters, so there isn’t even a fire to go into. And I totally get the concept of team and team effort and being all in together. But when you pay attention to the words, again, we’re going into the fire together. No, you’re not, there is no fire. And it matters. It matters when we say these things to ourselves and to others. I was recently funny talking to a security guard at one of our hospitals, and he was letting me know how he saw a bear in his neighborhood, which is close to our neighborhood. And he screamed like a girl. Do you ever hear how many different words and sayings that are used against men, about women, but they’re used in a way to discount both parties? Right? That is part of the system? That is part of what we want to start questioning, having conversations about dismantling and bringing in more, shall I say feminine energy, I get a kick out of it when people say we need more women leaders to bring in the soft skills, folks. having empathy and compassion, for example, isn’t so soft. Have you tried it? It’s hard. And we need more of it. Are you in? There’s so many layers to this topic. And I really just want this episode, to be the beginning of opening up a conversation in a genuine way. That is about loving everybody, right? And allows us the opportunity to have conversations, dialogues, building awareness around what does it all look like and do we want to continue in that system? Or do we want to be able to be more of who we are for you to be able to show up in your world more as your authentic self and know that that is exactly what you should be doing? We are all unique and owning that is where the magic is. Okay, friends, I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Please feel free to send me messages over on the socials at Michelle Burt coaching. I’m also on LinkedIn, Michelle Burke. That’s all I have for you this week. Let’s circle back next but for now, make it a great day. Take care Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one go to Michelle Bourque coaching comm and click on get started to begin