Ep 172 Making Hard Decisions
Join me today as I discuss some tools around making hard decisions. Change is rarely easy and in this episode I am sharing some ways to think about decisions you have made, as well as questions to ask along the process.
In Today’s Episode:
- How to know if it’s the “right” decision
- How to think in advance of your decision
- How to think after your decision
- Questions to ask along the way
- Work with me – www.michellebourquecoahcing.com/connect
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Episode Transcript:
Hello, hello, hello, welcome back to the podcast friends. How are things going in your world? I have to tell you, we have more change over here, but feels like these days Change is the only constant and Note to self fighting against, it really doesn’t change much at all. Byron Katie sums it up perfectly when she says something like you can argue with reality. And you will only lose that battle 100% of the time. It’s so true. When things happen, that we don’t want to happen, or we question how it could all be different. If only we did.dot.we actually end up torturing ourselves. And today, I want to talk about this idea around making decisions. I recently had to make a hard decision. And I think it’s important to share some of the tools here which might help you as you go. Now remember, our brains love to tell us all sorts of stories about decisions we’ve made or decisions that we have to make, especially when change is involved. So let’s dive in. Now, I want to start by saying a lot of times we think there is a quote unquote, right or wrong answer when we make a decision. And before we go too far, I want you to consider who decides if it is a right or wrong decision. It’s us, we decide if it’s right or wrong by the story that we tell about the decision that we make. And you may think it’s what others say. But the truth is, they say words or they tell us what they think. And then we decide if we want to believe what they say. So first, I want you to be open to the possibility that we can just believe ahead of time that the decision we make is going to be the quote unquote, right one. Now, some may say this sounds delusional. What do you mean deciding ahead of time that it’s the right decision? But then question, how that pause? But then question what you normally do, because a lot of us and pas because a lot of us instead, normally think about worst case scenarios, we tell ourselves everything that will go wrong. We could also call that delusional, my friend. And by the way, it usually feels terrible as we go. thinking we need to figure out the right decision often leads to procrastination. And the reason we wait for the right decision is because we are afraid that we are going to fail. But what if you gave yourself the grace to just know that there really is no such thing as failing? What if we’re either winning, or we are learning? So I’m suggesting that you make a decision, learn, move on, make The Next Best decision, learn, move on, rinse and repeat and don’t second guess your decision along the way. If you make a decision, learn, move on, make a decision, learn move on, make a decision, learn move on, think of how much further along you will be than if you’re still just sitting in the wondering part of what decision you should make. First, it brings your life to fulfillment so much faster. Now, you might change your mind after learning new info. But you must understand that that pause. But you must understand that at the time of the original decision. You were doing your best with the information you had. Here’s what I’ve noticed my brain doing. After my decision, I made it I felt good with it. And then my brain started suggesting all of the what if scenarios, but the kicker is most of the time, the what if scenarios that our brain serves us up are from a negative filter. Remember, our brain is hard wired to be on lookout for negative, its job is to keep us safe. Because back in the day, it had to protect us from saber toothed Tigers by being on the alert, and looking for all of the negative to keep us safe, but society has evolved. And our brain is still programmed to find the negative, just by default, pause. Just by default, it will tell you all of the negative, but doing this work, thinking on purpose is how you change your life. You have to give yourself equal airtime on the stories that you tell yourself after making hard decisions. So when you hear the negative chatter, when you hear that, what if watch it, and then ask yourself, what else could be true here? How could the decision be the best one for you be purposeful. And be sure to tell yourself stories that are useful and getting you to your next goal. And I also want to share some questions to ask yourself when you’re actually in the process of making the decision. And let me just take a moment to say, here’s why I think all of this is so important. We have 24 hours in every single day. And Tomorrow is not promised, we take it for granted that we’re going to wake up the next day. But we don’t really know that for sure. So what do you want to do with your one precious life today, John pass. Don’t just let life happen to you make decisions on purpose in order to live your best life in order to create more of what you want to do, and stop doing the things you no longer want. Now, let’s start with some questions to ask yourself when making these hard decisions. Number one, does this align with my purpose? And reminder in case you missed it, I did a podcast on finding your purpose last month, and there was a replay of a class that we had on finding your purpose. Number two, what could I decide if I was? Pause? Sorry, Papa Bear. Number two, what would I decide if I was twice as strong? And twice as confident? That’s a good one. Number three, what would I decide if I didn’t care what anyone else would say? Think about that one my friend? What would I decide if I didn’t care? What anyone else would say? Or think? Another question? What do I want to do here? It seems like such an easy question. But for so many of us, we’ve always looked to pause. How can we make others happy? I want you to start considering what makes you happy? And another fun thing to try out along these lines. Flip a coin heads is one decision, Tails is the other. And when it lands, check your gut. Are you disappointed? Or are you excited with what came up? Because that is very telling. And then the last few things that I want you to consider is that sometimes we tell ourselves, I just don’t know what to do. I just don’t know what I want. You do? You always do? Do not allow that to be your answer. I don’t know, is a lie. Quite honestly, it’s a dream stealer. Because really, it keeps you in this middle place of just being undecided. It’s similar to thinking there’s a right answer. And if you say I don’t know, I want you to stop and consider asking yourself if you had to take a guess. What would it be? Just take a guess. And if you lived in the perfect world, what would you decide? It’s in their friend. Trust yourself to know it. And then to close out. Listen, we all have different ways to make our best decisions and a fun way to explore what that means for you is to check out your human design. So for example, I am best suited to trust my gut. Does it feel like a hell yes or a no thank you. But for other folks, it’s best for for them to sleep on it, to really consider it, take into account all of the information and make a decision in the morning. And the way you can find out what your human design is, for free, is check out Jovian archive.com. I’ll stick it in the show notes. It’s a free link. It’s just where I got started learning about human design. It’s super interesting. And then one last thing, I want to make sure you know, I have four spots for this quarter open for one on one coaching. We do it virtual. My hours are mostly weekends with some early morning options as well. So if you’re struggling with work being overwhelming, and you’re just not sure what to do next, let’s hop on a free call and see if it makes sense to work together. We talked about where you are now. Pause and if we could wave a magic wand, where would you want to be? And then how to get you there. It’s so much fun to watch all of the changes with my clients. And I hope that for you, okay, friends, that’s what I have for you today. Let’s circle back next week, but for now, make it a great day. Take care