Ep 171 Conversation with Emotions Expert Rhonda Farr

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Do I have a treat for you today!  In today’s episode I’m sharing a recent conversation with Emotions expert Rhonda Farr.  For those of you who have been here for awhile you might already know her from episode 117 where we talked about feeling feelings.  In today’s episode we are going a little deeper, and we are talking emotions, subconscious work, healing manifesting and so much more.  We set this up in a way that it’s like a conversation we are having and you get to listen in.  We also discussed the science of what most folks consider woo-woo and a very personal issue Rhonda helped me make a shift in.  Listen now for all the nuggets of gold she shared. 

In This Episode:

  • The importance of feeling feelings 
  • Processing emotions
  • The energy we have as humans
  • Joe Dispenza Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
  • Michael Singer The Untethered Soul
  • Manifesting your new goals
  • Relationships with emotions
  • @rhondafar_coaching – IG
  • www.rhondafarrcoaching.com

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Episode Transcript:

Hello, hello. Hello, welcome back to the podcast friends. Do I have a treat for you today. In today’s episode, I’m sharing a recent conversation with emotions expert Rhonda Farr. And for those of you who have been here for a while, you might already know her from a previous interview. And for those of you who may be new, welcome. And if you’re interested in checking out that first episode, it’s number 117. And in that we discussed a lot around feeling feelings. And in today’s episode, we’re going a little bit deeper. And we’re talking emotions, of course, subconscious work, healing, manifesting so much fun. And we really wanted to set it up in a way that it was simply a conversation that we were having, and you are able to listen in. We also discussed the science of what most folks consider woowoo, around manifesting. And we talked about how I was recently able to make a shift with a personal issue. And that was thanks to Rundas help. Now, Rhonda is more than an emotions expert and life coach. She is also a dear friend who I met in 2017 while doing the Life Coach School training to become certified coaches. And then we went on to do some additional advanced training and we have remained in touch ever since. And we have these conversations just about weekly, similar to what you are listening to today. It lights us up. She also has four boys, can you even believe it? Well, and her husband, so some may say five boys that she’s taking care of right. I don’t know how she does it. But I so appreciate that she took the time to have this conversation to share with you. Because it is just brilliant. So without further ado, let’s hop on in to the conversation. All right, well, I am so excited to have you here today. And for some folks listening, they may not recall but you’re here for episode 117. Last year, we talked about feeling feelings. And that was actually one of the top downloaded podcasts of last year. So I wanted to have you back. We talked about it on that podcast actually that you would come back and talk a little bit more. And so today we’re taking it a little bit deeper, we’re going to talk about some self conscious work, some manifesting some thought work. But before we hop in, I guess Can you just start by telling people a little bit about yourself and who you Unknown Speaker 3:22 help. Door, thank you for having me, the things that you just said are all of my favorite things. And so thank you for having me, I help people do all things with their emotions, I almost said like accomplish their goals, which is what they think they want. Most people come to me and say, Hey, I’ve been trying to do this. And I just keep getting stuck. Or every time I make some headway. I feel like I just fall right back. And I’ve been doing all the thought work. But for whatever reason, I just can’t seem to get past this. So they come to me thinking they want to accomplish something in their business, in their relationship, whatever. But what we usually actually end up doing is we start creating a beautiful relationship with themselves. Now, some people if I marketed that, they would say they want that, but most people don’t have time for that, or they don’t even know what that means. So it’s a combination of understanding what’s going on, on the inside. Understanding your subconscious understanding your nervous system, healing, whatever needs to be healed, feeling and processing, whatever needs to be felt and processed. And then the really beautiful part. We’re going to talk about it today. I’m so excited. Most people don’t care as much about this in the beginning is a manifestation process. Now when I work with my clients, I don’t always call it that I call it emotional creation. Because when we heal and we feel and we process, then we get to create emotion on purpose, joy, love gratitude. And when we can combine this emotional connection with whatever we want to create whatever is out there in our future we will We can make an emotional connection with that, then we can create it, we can attract it, we can live it. So that’s what I do. Michelle Bourque 5:08 It’s so good. And I think it’s always nice to use real life examples. So I will throw myself out there. Because I had mentioned this actually, on our last podcast how much you helped me around my work with not being a mom. Right? And we did a lot of work then. But recently, you’ve done a lot to help me around something that I thought was totally not even a problem. Like we were talking about something work related, I think, and we said, why don’t we just try this new way of looking at things because I’ve been so into the thought work, and I’m always talking about the thought work. And I think for sure, it’s super important. But I thought that I had done the thought work around my biological mom, and how she really wasn’t there for us. Right. I when I talk about my mom, in any given set, or area of my life, I’m usually talking about my stepmom who raised me. So you kind of helped me dig in deeper. And you’ve talked about just now healing things like maybe a buzzword or a word that we hear a lot today is trauma, right? Big T little t. So what do you think is the I guess, part of the secret sauce of being able to get past the thought work to dive deeper into that kind of subconscious and healing? Unknown Speaker 6:28 I think it’s being willing to feel really uncomfortable. So Michelle, you’re being vulnerable here. So I think it’s okay that I share this. I think how you correct me if I’m wrong, but I think how you and I got to that place with your biological mother is because we were talking about something in business, we were asking some questions, your voice started to crack a little bit. And I was like, oh, there’s something to that. If you’ll sit with that, then we can figure out the source where it’s coming from. So then we hopped on a call separately, right? And we’re like, hey, just feel that and allow your body to teach you where that’s coming from. And it led us of course, to mom. Yeah. Right. So being willing to feel really uncomfortable, is where we start to understand ourselves better. Emotions, uncomfortable emotions. They’re just information. They’re an invitation that says, hey, the next layer of healing is ready to be done. I’m showing you here I am where I’m at. It’s an invitation to move closer to it. So you can heal. Michelle Bourque 7:34 Yes. And I think it’s so important because I think people who just start this work, the thought work part of it, want to just move on, like once you learn if you just think a different thought you’ll feel a different emotion. And that doesn’t work, right? Because what you referenced in our first podcast was that idea of the beach ball, right? We just keep trying to push it down, push it down. And for me, in that instance, the thought work was I just told a different story. And it’s still a true story to me, right? Like, I was still lucky that my dad is the one who like took us and I had my stepmom. All of that was the thought work. But there was still something deeper that had been pushed down and really needed to be able to kind of look at, and when we talk about the uncomfortable emotions, we talk about sometimes the river of misery, that’s it, right. It’s like being willing to feel and I think I had mentioned like, it was ugly. There was like, not so bad, but that’s what we’re talking about. Right? Unknown Speaker 8:33 Yeah, totally. And you’ve said the word trauma, capital T, little T, I do use those words. Sometimes I don’t market myself as a trauma coach, but I’m going to offer a way to think about it that your listeners might resonate with because if I came up and said, Hey, Michelle, do you have trauma from your mom, you probably wouldn’t have been like, Yes, I have trauma 100%. Yeah, I like to think about it as any motional. Like, some scar is a word that I learned from Michael singer. He’s the author of Untethered Soul. And he describes a samskaara. It’s an Indian term, a yogi term. So if there are any yoga lovers out there, you might know this word, but it’s just a trapped body of energy that stuck in our body, right? And people will describe trauma that way too. But when they are describing trauma, they often associate it with some horrific event or something terrible, which I think is true, right? But we can think of any trapped emotion. So for you, you’re like, I totally did the thought work and I believe this story, but my body kept telling me something else is going on. So you did a beautiful thing and thought work like you. I love that work. I teach it I use it, I do it. But when our body keeps responding with that really emotional connection, that emotional invitation when something comes up, or like if our nervous system right just it just feels just off or whatever. We know there’s probably something energetically some traps emotion in our body, and we just need to release it. Like we just need to release it. It really is that simple. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it is a simple concept. Michelle Bourque 10:09 And I think in order to understand that, when you know, when I first started coaching, it was more around the idea of to stop over drinking, right people who just wanted to cut back a little bit more. And when we talk about that, if it’s either over drinking over eating over busying, right, like, there’s so many people, I know that listen to this, that are like workaholics. And that’s like a busy badge of honor. But sometimes, those are some of the signs that might be kind of to your point, like a little hate pay attention over here. Why are you not willing to feel whatever’s going on? Unknown Speaker 10:42 Yeah, totally. And I will say, this is the other thing I find with my clients, too, for many of us if we can intellectually understand it, so thought work, right. Like, if we can see it from lots of different vantage points, it opens the body and softens the body to a willingness to do the deeper emotional work. So thought work super valuable. I almost feel like it’s just priming your brain priming your body to understand why it’s okay to feel while we work through it. Michelle Bourque 11:14 And I think a lot of people I know, when I first started, you had mentioned your nervous system, and the importance of kind of paying attention to that, and releasing the energy or releasing the emotion. I have to be honest, I don’t know if when I first started, I really understood that. Can you talk a little bit more about, like, what is releasing an energy or an emotion? Unknown Speaker 11:36 Why I’m so glad you asked. So a lot of people who don’t like to feel will be what we call. Yeah, we often get disassociated or disconnected. Right. And so I will say, when you think about your mom, or when you tell a story about her, how does that feel in your body? And they’ll be like nothing, I feel nothing. It’s just not there, right? Because we literally train ourselves to not feel and we’re talking, you know, 3040 years of this for many of us. And we think oh, yeah, I just don’t feel so it’s not important. I wish that were the case, because then you can move on and you wouldn’t feel stuck. And you would build feel totally satisfied and fulfilled. But what you’ve done is you’ve taught your body to turn off because you can’t handle uncomfortable emotions. So that’s the first thing. That’s why most people don’t understand it. But when we sit with something, and we start to cry, or we talk about it like for you, you might have said that like, Oh, here’s this emotion, but no, I don’t feel anything in my body. No, you are you’re feeling something or you wouldn’t be emotional. Right? Michelle Bourque 12:48 Yes. And I think too, a lot of times if we start to feel that we don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to sit with it, right? Because that’s when we think we need to go ahead and change the thought. Unknown Speaker 13:00 Yep. And you’re teaching your body, you can’t handle an uncomfortable vibration. And so the more often you do that, just like you don’t have to think about brushing your teeth anymore, or driving home from work anymore. Your body will shut that off. Before almost reflexively, before you even have a thought about it. And so you’ll be like, No, I just am not a feeler. I don’t feel Michelle Bourque 13:20 oh, that’s so interesting. That’s good. Right. And that’s another story that we tell ourselves that if we continue to tell ourselves, we will just continue that process also. Unknown Speaker 13:28 Yep. And it looks like we have, oh, go ahead. Michelle Bourque 13:31 I was just gonna say I love that you talk about uncomfortable emotions, and not like, negative and positive. Finish what you’re saying. And then I’d like you to elaborate a little bit more on your thoughts about when people say negative and positive feelings. Yeah, so Unknown Speaker 13:45 I’ll just dive into that the negative and positive. I probably have said that before in my life, for sure I have. So if you go to my old work, I might have been talking about it that way. But now what I know is, your body is beautiful. And it’s always trying to help you. Maybe it’s maladaptive in the way that it tries to help but it’s beautiful. And it’s not really trying to throw negative things at you. So when your body allows you to feel uncomfortable, think about physical pain for a moment, right? If your knee is starting to hurt, or you have a place in your back or lungs that started hurt, it’s telling you, hey, there’s something happening beneath the surface. You need to go get that checked out. We need to address that. So emotions are signals. Right? And if something feels really uncomfortable, emotionally, your body’s just saying, hey, there’s something going on beneath the surface. Why don’t we check that out? Most of the time, we can heal that and you can feel better and you don’t have to walk around every day, pushing against it and trying to avoid it and trying to like pretend it’s not there, which is what I was gonna say when we started right like, even if you’re not feeling below The neck. That’s what people will say like, Oh no, I don’t feel even if you’re pretending that it’s not there and reflexively you turn that off. It’s still there. Like, if we take Tylenol for an abscess in our knee or whatever, the abscess is still there doing damage growing, getting bigger. Even if we numb the pain, like we could do a spinal block and full on not feel anything below the waist, right? Doesn’t mean it’s not still happening. So I think that’s important to know. Michelle Bourque 15:31 Yes, absolutely. And how do you walk clients through like, let’s say you have someone who says, like, I’m not a feeler? Where do you have them start? Like you talked about just giving the time to feel it? But like, how, what’s your process? Unknown Speaker 15:46 So it depends on where they’re at, and how non feeling they are. But here is my litmus test, right, I will have somebody will explain intellectually, why it’s important, why it’s valuable. So we can get their brain on board. With at least trying and practicing, I like for them to have the thought, it’s possible that I can figure this out, it’s possible that this will work for me. And when I start to feel my life can open up, I won’t feel stuck anymore, and I can really accomplish those goals. So first of all, don’t worry, we want to get there. But second of all, I just have them take a few deep breaths is super simple, your listeners can do this at home, close their eyes. And the reason I like to close our eyes, my eyes my clients eyes, is because it just blocks out some of the senses, right? Like, we don’t want to have a bunch of noise going on the visual senses, we want to just focus inward, take a few deep breaths, literally just drop the shoulders and enter to open, I like to pull my shoulders back to open the chest signal to the body like unwilling. And then I will guide them through a process of just kind of scanning, some people call this a body scan from head all the way down to toe. And once they’re super relaxed, and they’re scanning their body for where they might feel any sort of sensation. Usually they can tell me, Well, I feel a little tightness here. Or I feel a little pressure there, or just a little bit of buzz here. And then I have them say to themselves inside their own mind. Welcome. They’re talking to the emotion now, which sounds a little hokey woowoo. But I promise you, you’re gonna have to trust me on this one. We just talked to the emotion and say, welcome. You’re totally welcome to be here. You have my full attention. I know I’ve been ignoring you. But now I’m listening. And then from there, we just follow the sensation. Does it start to move more? Does it start to get tighter? Does it loosen up? If I could describe it with color or shape? What would that be like, right? Before we try to change or move anything, we are just letting our body know that we want to get to know it, that we’re okay when it feels really, really uncomfortable. And then we go into further process. But for most of my clients who are not used to feeling that’s where we start. Michelle Bourque 18:01 And that is exactly where I started. I think it was hard for me initially to be like, okay, just to be quiet for that long, right? Just to like, be with myself for that long to your point. That’s why so you don’t really sell it that way. Because people are like, Oh, no, I’m too busy for this. But it can tell you so much information. Unknown Speaker 18:20 Yeah, and for your advanced listeners, I just want to offer this because there might be somebody out there who’s like, oh, no, I totally can feel and I know it’s there. Take it further, right. Like, once you start to feel that, just ask the emotion ask your body. What is this energy called? Is it sadness? Is it grief? Is it anger is whatever Right? Like, ask what it’s called? Then perhaps ask, where did you come from? Like, where did you start setting up shop in my body in this way? Right? What are you trying to teach me? Now? What do you want me to know? For those of you who are somewhat familiar with feeling sensations in your body, I promise you, you will be surprised at the answers that you get your brain will just come up with thoughts and ideas, maybe even a picture or an image I know that happened with you like a picture or an images, some part of your history, your past, telling you where it came from and why it’s here. Michelle Bourque 19:16 And it was like you said I was like where did this picture come from? I’m not even sure but it was probably just because it had been pushed down for so long. And what it led to was just such a fascinating piece of information about how I thought you couldn’t be yourself and you couldn’t have fun or people would leave you Right. Like it was just such an eye opening. Aha. And then I think what is great that you also, you know, kind of further question is like, Where does this now show up in my life in all different areas, right, like taking that to the next level? Unknown Speaker 19:48 Totally, you brought up something really important. Sometimes your brain will give you a picture or a thought or words and you’re like that’s out of left field that doesn’t apply. No, no, no. Let me come back and let me try this again. Try Just your brain trust what it gives you when you’re in these moments because, like you, Michelle, there have been times I’ve been like, that doesn’t apply. That’s weird. You’re being pretty vulnerable here. So I think it’s okay. If I say, it took you back to this childhood thing, right? Like when you were so small, and it seemed like innocuous and even like a happy memory, almost Yes. And then we zoomed in, and we’re like, yeah, it was happy in some ways. And then it taught me these specific things, Michelle Bourque 20:28 right? Yes, totally. And then you had mentioned, we’re going to talk about manifesting. So I think this is a good kind of segue, because you’ve talked about the importance of feeling the feelings of knowing what you’re feeling right kind of paying attention to that. So then you can go ahead and start manifesting and creating feelings in order to get to the next goal, or to create something new in your life. And now, I want to make sure people know, because we have talked a little bit about some perhaps woowoo stuff, and manifesting is sometimes, you know, under that umbrella, but we’re not talking about, you know, I think people get it wrong when think about the secret. And you think like, oh, I just need to like sit on my couch and wish for some good looking man to show up at my door. And then they all of a sudden appear. And that’s not how it works. Unless, of course, it’s the Amazon delivery guy. Right? So how your husband or right right answer right answer. Yes. So can you talk a little bit about maybe, where people get manifesting wrong, and really how it can totally change your life? Unknown Speaker 21:35 Okay, I have so many thoughts about this. First of all, if we try to create positive emotion and quote, manifest on a pile of grief and sadness, and shame and self doubt, it doesn’t work very well. So just a quick answer about that. That’s why we go in, we get to the core of it, we heal it, we feel it, we process it. And you don’t have to have all of that done before you can manifest Sheesh, we’re never going to have it all done, right. But, but if we’re daily feeling like crap, and trying to pretend that we feel amazing, and create and attract these beautiful things in our lives, it probably won’t work. So that’s number one. But the second thing is I just had a conversation with my 19 year old son last night about manifestation. And I was just talking to him about like, I want you to see yourself in these situations, I want you to feel what it feels like in your body, which I’ll talk to your listeners about in a moment. That’s why we can’t be like creating on a pile of shame, because we want to feel that amazing feeling that we believe we’re going to feel when we get the goal, right. That’s how we attract it to us. But he was saying like, yeah, this manifestation, this woowoo, sometimes I hear people say that, and I said, well, first of all people do call it that, and I’m okay with that. But what it actually is a science. This is quantum physics. And it’s proven science. You and I both are fans of Dr. Joe Dispenza. In fact, I think you gave me the book, breaking the habit of being yourself. So I want to attribute that you sent it to me in the mail. But in that book, he explains it very simply why it’s quantum physics, it is literally something called the observers effect, you can Google that. But I’m gonna butcher this a little bit. So read the book and Google it. But basically, what it is, is there’s all kinds of matter. And it’s unorganized, right? And quantum physicist can see that that matters out there. But when they will look at it specifically, right? When they focus on this, when they really observe it, the matter collapses. It pulls into matter, right? These particles collapse into matter. So the observer effect tells us if we can see something, the matter starts to organize and collapse into form. Yes, literally, as a human, you are a creator, I’m religious. So I like to think of myself as a co creator with God. I teach my kids face. And we can talk about faith in a million different ways, religiously, spiritually, whatever. But I teach my kids faith is creation when you believe something that you can’t see in your reality yet, but you can feel it in your body and see it in your mind. That is what I call faith. And that is literally a co creation, with the universe with God, however you want to think about, Michelle Bourque 24:24 and we hear about that a lot. Even if we talk about, you know, sports athletes, right? Visualizing is the same idea. And they visualize winning the gold and they visualize the ski run, or whatever it is, and everybody thinks that’s kind of cool, but I feel like sometimes when we go on the back end of coaching, it’s like, that’s a little woowoo. Like, no, it’s all the same thing. Unknown Speaker 24:44 Totally. It’s all the same thing there. And you know this because you’re bringing it up. There are studies that show basketball players who shoot free throws in their mind and shoot them in the gym at the court. When they practice that way over and over. They have about the same rate rate of improvement. Michelle Bourque 25:01 It’s so crazy. Right? I see. Is so and I think you had mentioned like when we think about and I’m mentioned this because I recently did a presentation where someone was asking, like, how can I feel more fulfilled? Because they were talking about, I’ll feel better when I get there. Right. And to your point, it’s not we have it backwards. It’s not that we feel better once we get it. We have to start feeling that now. Unknown Speaker 25:25 Yeah. So I like to say, and I think that I founded this thought of something that Dr. Joe Dispenza said, so I want to give him the source of this thought. But I like to say, it’s so much better to work from your goal than toward your goal, right? If we can see it and feel it and hold that in our body. Now. We are working from the goal, and it feels frigging amazing the whole time, not just when you get there. It feels amazing, right now today, while you’re creating it, Michelle Bourque 26:02 and it’s one of the tips that you gave me early on was even if it’s just that you start with a timer for like, one minute or two minutes, right? Like, what can you tell the listeners if they’re like, What are they talking about feeling it ahead of time? Unknown Speaker 26:15 Yeah, good point, there’s two ways to do this. And your listeners can decide which works better for them. So if you think about your goal, and you get lit up inside, and it’s like, oh, my gosh, I can’t wait to be there. That’s so amazing. Then what you do his twice a day for three minutes each time, this is how I started, I set a morning and evening timer on my phone, I would stop what I was doing. And I would think about this thing that created this abundance, this love this gratitude for the goal, right? And I would feel that twice a day for three minutes. Super simple. That’s how my life literally started to change. But here is a little caveat warning, call it what you will about this. Some people who haven’t done the emotional work yet, I’m going to add, we’ll think about their goal. And instead of it lighting them up, they’ll have thoughts like, well, I’m never going to get there. I’m unworthy, I don’t deserve that kind of money. I don’t deserve that kind of recognition. I don’t deserve right. And it might be self doubt, guilt, shame, judgment, whatever, until they try to visualize the goal. And it’s a big one. It doesn’t create love and gratitude and joy, right? So here’s what I would say for those people. Number one, you need to do some emotional work and get to the core of things because that’s exactly what we’re talking about. You’ll try to do this manifestation work and it just doesn’t stick. But number two, I’m going to give you a little bypass maybe. So you can do the emotional work with the manifestation work. Don’t forget the emotional work. I can’t stress that enough. But here’s something that you can do. What ever brings you the feeling of peace, love, joy and gratitude for you. I know you love your puppy Tucker, right? If you need to, for those two timers when they go off at first, think about Tucker, and think about what it’s like to have him nestled beside you petting him him loving you. If you need to start by just feeling love and gratitude in any way you can do that if nature lights you up, picture yourself in nature, feeling the sun on your face and going on your favorite hike. If you have like a favorite little niece or your own child or whatever, picture yourself holding them looking into their beautiful innocent eyes. I want you to start feeling love and gratitude on purpose consistently because what you’re doing is you’re training your body to feel good. Our body is naturally our brain is naturally hardwired to look for the negative, evolutionary speaking, right? Because it keeps us alive to notice problems. I want you to practice teaching your body to feel amazing on purpose because it doesn’t do it naturally left to its own devices. Michelle Bourque 28:59 Right. And I think you know, one of the things also when I was kind of early on, Oprah would talk about writing the gratitude journal. And so I wrote the grant you know, my five things every single day I was very consistent, but it was more like my checklist of to do and I never really sat in the actual gratitude of what it was I was writing down right and that’s kind of missing the point again. Unknown Speaker 29:24 So there’s a difference in intellectually knowing and feeling in the body just like we talked about before thought work, emotional work. Same thing when we’re creating emotion on purpose. We can write it intellectually check it off, we did it and and that’s good. That’s valuable. Those of you who are out there doing that, my goodness, Oprah said it, do it. But take it to that deeper level and practice feeling it in the body. Here’s the other thing that I hope it’s okay that I belabor this a little bit. Here’s the other thing practicing emotion on purpose does. It gives you a contrast. So When you’re always in negative thinking, it’s just like rinse and repeat every day. That’s what we do. And we don’t even notice. But when you have just those three minutes or six minutes, if you’re doing it twice a day, a feeling that positive, the next time you get really angry at the driver in front of you, or that the pup tracked in mud and ripped up the couch or whatever, instead of just following hook line and sinker into that and letting that dictate your mood, you’re going to notice like, Oh, that feels more crappy, because I’m also starting to feel positive emotions. And then that’s our cue to decide where we want to stay where we want to keep that energy in that vibration. So it gives you a contrast. But it’s also teaching your body how to do it, the more often you feel love, gratitude, all the things, I promise you, you’re going to be able to bring it up in a second, eventually. You had to create it. Michelle Bourque 30:54 Isn’t it true that like the love and gratitude and joy are some of the highest feelings on like, the vibration scale? Is that right? Am I saying that correctly? Unknown Speaker 31:02 You totally are. So our bodies are energy. Again, that’s not woowoo. That’s science, you that’s how we can do X rays, right? Like these radioactive scans and screens, we can show where the heat is we can see your organs, your body is energy, and literally emotion can be measured. So when you are in excitement and love and joy, the vibration of your body can be measured at a higher rate. When you’re in resentment, anger, those are some of the lowest vibrations especially like resentment and shame and loathing, right? Those are the lowest. So it’s okay, if they’re there. By the way, we just want to know they’re there and be able to process them heal them feeling, please, please, please don’t beat yourself up over this. When you wake up in the morning, I do this, sometimes I want to tell myself just for a moment. I’m actually really good at this. I don’t, I’m not trying to boast but I practice it a lot. I’m really good at this. And there are some days like if I’ve gotten into a little tiff with my husband, your sweet husband, my sweet husband, who I love dearly. Or if I have a little something with my kids that have just totally taken me off guard. And I feel like disappointment, maybe some shame in myself as a mother, like I didn’t do a good job. If something like that has happened recently. And I’m like, Okay, here’s my gratitude practice, there will be times that I still can’t get there, right? Like, I have to address what is first, and that there’s nothing wrong with you for that. That means you’re a human with a human brain and human emotions and it means nothing else. So just know, even when you get really good at this, there are going to be days that that happens. But it’s not going to be like oh, I suck, I can’t do it. It’s gonna be like, Oh, I can’t get there today. There’s something going on inside of me that needs to be addressed first. And I totally know when I do that. I’ll be able to get back here. And that’s okay. It’s just a lack of judgment when we start to know how to do this. And what’s happening? Michelle Bourque 33:01 Yes. And it’s almost like spirals of growth. Right? Like there’s always these lessons that keep coming back around for us and coming back around for us. Oh, totally. Yeah. So good. Is there anything else that we’ve missed that you want to make sure people know about? Unknown Speaker 33:19 I think I’ll give an analogy that goes with your spirals of growth because I think it works. We have this dog. We’ve never had an indoor dog before. He’s a year old now. But it’s been an adventure learning this past year, Michelle Bourque 33:31 and claws into that you also have four boys. So it’s a busy house. Unknown Speaker 33:37 House is freaking curry these days. But in a fun way somedays it Yeah. So we have this dog added on to all the bodies and all the mess and all the stink in the house, right? And I’m like, Okay, we’ve got to train him a little bit better. So I took him to like, it’s called Puppy Training Agency or something. I don’t know. So I took him to this little arena for puppies. And I’m teaching him to sit and stay. And he’s doing the same things, right. But when I get home, he doesn’t quite know it as well. And I’m like, what, but what had happened was in that arena, with help and with, like, he just knew like, Okay, here’s why we do these tricks and things and he was falling hook, line and sinker. When I got him home. I had to reteach him inside. I thought, Oh, yes, we got this. I took him out to the yard. Okay, and I’m trying to do the things. And we had somebody working on our neighbor’s house, he beeline for them, he’s running around their house, I’m yelling, I can’t. He’s not doing Metrix. Right. I haven’t even taken him to the park yet, but I guarantee you if I take him to the park, other dogs, kids everywhere noises all the things he’s not going to listen to a dadgum thing I say right. Here’s what I have come to believe the brain is like a little puppy. The emotions are like a little puppy. When my car are sitting with me on this call. It’s like they’re in the arena. And I’m talking to them, I’m guiding it. And they’re like, yes, I’ve got this, it’s working, right? And then they go out into their relationship or in their job, their parenting, wherever it is, right? And they’re like, at all slow my mind, I just can’t do it. Right? Well, we have to train in that arena, right. And then they might take it out into their self relationship and loving themselves. And they’re like, I can do it with other people, I just can’t do it with myself, Well, you got to train in that arena, right? This is a process and your life will continue to uplevel your game. But that’s okay. It’s normal. It’s how it supposed Michelle Bourque 35:39 to be. I think that’s such a great point. Because you know, when we think about the life that we’ve created, it’s based on the habits that we’ve had right over time. And so to your point, if this is something new that we want to create in our life, it’s new habits, it’s setting the timers, it’s feeling on purpose, it’s processing the emotions, it’s really like shifting what we’ve known, that has gotten us here to get us to the next level. Unknown Speaker 36:03 Totally, and it’s being kind to yourself, as we enter new arenas and new depths. The other thing is, right, like I could have a client on a call with me, and we could process the emotion of them burning dinner last night, right, something rather benign. But then for them, even if I’m on a call with them, if we start going a little bit deeper, and we start processing the emotions, of unworthiness in their relationship that they’ve had for 20 years, that might be harder. And there might be just like, Rhonda, I can’t get there right now. And then once I get that I might take them deeper and say, Yeah, what about how you felt about yourself since childhood? And usually these things overlap, right. But what I’m saying is, however you get to that arena, whether it’s in different facets of your life, different depths of your life, different like, Am I on a call? Am I inside my house? Am I in public at the office, just be kind to yourself and know that this is a skill and a practice. And we are learning and it’s normal for you to struggle, it’s normal for you to not do it right every Michelle Bourque 37:08 time. And that’s okay. Yeah. And that’s okay. Unknown Speaker 37:11 Yeah, totally. I don’t know if we talked enough about the emotional relationship. I know we’ve gone on for a long time. But perhaps it might help your listeners also to just know what that means to develop an emotional relationship. Here’s the way I like to think about it when we’re creating on purpose. And we’re bringing thoughts of our goal into those emotions of love and gratitude. That’s what I call creating an emotional relationship with your goal. So the moment you see it, that’s like the creation process has started. And the way I like to think about it, we’re collapsing that unorganized matter into form, then when we start to feel love, for gratitude for it, we’re creating an emotional relationship with it, then the way we grow that is we use our tools, we have a day that something comes up and we can’t feel that. Oh, let me process Oh, let me use the thought work. Oh, let me use that. So as if we were growing anything in the garden, let’s go for that analogy. We use our tools, we weed it, we fertilize it, we whatever right? monitor it. Yeah, that is creating an emotional relationship. We see it we want to see it often can imagine being in relationship with somebody who never wanted to see you. Gosh, That’d be terrible. Then we feel emotion, on purpose toward it. Then we use our tools to cultivate nourish, nurture. And then we do it over time. You don’t just create a relationship with somebody and say, Oh, I felt really good with you that one day a long time ago, this is the best thing ever. Be a perfect partner to me always want to be Wow, we don’t do that. Court your goal? Michelle Bourque 38:49 That court your goal. That’s so good. Yeah, that is so good. And as one other as you were talking it brought up, we want to make sure we’re focusing on what we want. Right? Not what we don’t want. Yep. And what’s the process? Yeah. Unknown Speaker 39:05 So when what we don’t want keeps coming up. That’s a little sign that you need to use your thought work and your emotional processing tools. Good point. Michelle Bourque 39:12 Perfect. Yes, focus on what we want. There’s so much out there. And you know, Rhonda and I for those of you listening, when we first started coaching, we were like, you know, there’s gonna be one day when we just say all you really had to do was believe because that’s what we kept hearing from our coaches. Right. And now we’re like, truly, that really is the answer. Unknown Speaker 39:34 That is such a good point. You know what, Michelle, as you said that I just had the thought, like, it’s so true that all we need to do is really believe and that was true then, but I couldn’t make it work because I didn’t know how. So even if something is true. If we don’t know how to do it. It doesn’t work for us and I spent a couple of long, sad, frustrating years believing that belief would work but not knowing how to do it. Michelle Bourque 40:03 That is such a great point. And that’s why I wanted to bring you on because I feel like you have led the way with that with the feelings work and really helping me to be able to see because I, like I’m sure many people listening are the overthinker. Right? Like, I can just do this not work. Tell me what to do. Take the action, take the action. I’m believing I’m trying to believe right? I’m trying, I’m trying. But it was missing that component of the feelings work, which is everything. Unknown Speaker 40:29 Totally. I get so fired up. I could talk about this stuff for ever. I love it so Michelle Bourque 40:33 much. Right? We’re gonna have to, I think we should do like a beach retreat one day, let’s put that out into the universe where we can actually have people come live, that would be fun. Unknown Speaker 40:43 Let’s do it. We’ll do the thought work. Will you’re a corporate gal. Like you will guide them in every angle that will do the emotions work. We’ll do the creation work. Oh my god. Michelle Bourque 40:52 Would that be? Yes. In the meantime, though, where can people find you? Because really, Rhonda has so many great Instagram posts like free information for people to just listen, but how can they follow you find you work with you all of the all of the goodness. Unknown Speaker 41:08 Oh, thanks for asking. So if you go to Rhonda Farr underscore coaching, you can find me on Instagram. And there is a link in my bio that will take you to my website and some of my resources. But if you go to Rhonda farr.com, there will be a pop up on there. And it gives you a four part series if you sign up for that little mini series. And it’s all about creating a magnetic energy for your goal. And really understanding your brain and the brain and body work together. So it’s a four part series. And I’m a little biased, but it’s phenomenal people on a call said you literally this just this has changed my life. So Michelle Bourque 41:49 100% I’ve done it, I cannot speak highly enough for it. It was phenomenal. Indeed. Yeah. Oh, thank Unknown Speaker 41:55 you. So please go get that free course. There’s no obligation, like I’m not going to try to sell you on anything. It’s totally free. You get direct access to it. If somebody wants to take it further work with me. You can you can find me. You can DM me also, there’s a link to my scheduling page on my website. So yeah, thanks for asking. Michelle Bourque 42:15 So good. All right. Well, thank you very much. I’m so happy that you’re here. Unknown Speaker 42:21 Thank you. I’ve loved it. Thanks for having me. Michelle Bourque 42:24 Okay, that was a lot packed into one conversation. Like I said, we have so much fun talking about it. And we could just keep going on and on and on. But we will have to save that for the retreat one day. Now be sure to check her out Rhonda Farr underscore coaching on Instagram and Rhonda fire.com For the free course that she mentioned, I highly encourage you to check that out. I’ll have all the links in the show notes. It’s all so good. Now, I want to just let you know that I’m going to do more of this this coming year. I really want to share some other folks here with you folks that I know are solid folks that have amazing information because I do believe when you can hear things in a different way. Something might just click differently and that might be exactly what you need in that moment. So I am going to share more conversations like this and if there is a topic that really lights you up, feel free to send me a DM and I will work on getting someone here that is able to help talk about it more in depth. Now that my friends is what I have for you today let’s circle back next week but for now make it a great day take care




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