Ep 170 Thoughts on The Gap and The Gain

Join me today as I discuss my thoughts on The Gap and The Gain by Benjamin Hardy Phd and Dan Sullivan. How we measure our success is an important tool to consider when we want to take our lives to the next level. Listen today to hear what you need shift in order to hit your net goals.

In This Episode:

• Living in the The Gap – Scarcity Mindset
• Living in the Gain – Abundance Mindset
• Feeling the feelings that propel you to your next goal
• Self determination
• The Compound Effect
• Download 2021 books: www.michellebourquecoaching.com/book2021

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Episode Transcript:

You are listening to the it’s your time podcast and I’m your host Certified Life Coaching career mentor Michelle Arnold Burke, and today’s episode, I’m discussing thoughts on the gap and the gain. Welcome to the it’s your time Podcast, the podcast, we’re busy professionals like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule so you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to the podcast friends. Here we are at episode 170. And for those of you who have been here for a while you know that on every 10th episode, I like to share a book or a mentor or an interview with you. And for those of you that are new, welcome. This is how we roll for Every 10th episode. It’s something that one of my mentors did when I was first getting into all of this work. And I just like to be able to share outside opinions and thoughts and teachings. And this just seems to be a fun, organized way of doing it. So today, I want to share my thoughts on the book, the gap in the game by Dr. Benjamin Hardy, and Dan Sullivan. And I recently mentioned this book on a previous podcast. Now that I have officially completed it, I thought it was perfect timing to share with you. Oh, and before I get too far ahead. If you are interested in reading, maybe one of your resolutions was to read more this year, I have a one sheet of the books that I read last year that I really enjoyed. And you can be sure to grab it at Michelle Bourque coaching comm forward slash book 21. Okay, now to the book, Hardy starts out by talking about how we have it wrong, when we are on the pursuit of happiness, or when we’re looking for happiness, when we’re always in the action of pursuing happiness. And when we do that, we miss out on the happiness that we currently have in our lives. And he suggests that there are two ways that people live either in the gap or in the game. And when we are in the gap, we are comparing ourselves to our ideal when we are in the gain, we are comparing ourselves based on our progress. And both feel very different. Because when we’re in the gain, we tend to have feelings like satisfaction, successful, self confident, optimistic, but when we’re in the gap, we tend to have feelings more along the lines of frustration, failure, disappointment, maybe guilt, and remember, our feelings drive our actions. So we want to make sure that we are feeling feelings that progress us towards our dreams. And this idea came up at a recent presentation that I did the idea of life not being better. There, one of the participants asked how she can feel more fulfilled in life after completing any of her goals. And this is what happens to so many of us, we set a goal, we get it, and then we move on to the next measuring ourselves against our ideals will always have us in the gap. Because as we evolve, we set higher goals, new ideals, and we missed the step of feeling fulfilled, of celebrating ourselves, because we are so quick to move to the next goal. And what Hardy and Sullivan are suggesting is to take the time to see your gains and measure backwards. You measure against where you were before, to where you are now. And to answer her question. How do I feel more fulfilled? It’s really quite simple. You think a thought that makes you feel fulfilled? So maybe it’s something like I learned so much from that. I did exactly what I set out to do. I served in the most amazing way. I loved doing that. I am so grateful to have that opportunity. I mean really, the options are unlimited. But what happens is we tend to think, what am I going to do better? What am I going to do next. And we have this idea of being in the gap, that it’s not quite enough, we need to be able to make that shift, to have more of us living in the gain. But in order to do that, we have to be willing to think on purpose. And as I go more into this book, I’ll share some ideas that might help. Now, when we’re in the gap, we are often tied to some sort of attachment to something outside of us. That’s when we’re reaching for the external idea, not being present. And the game is when you are in harmony with what you want, knowing you don’t need it. So we start at the level of happiness. And we can want from that space, versus thinking that we need to do something in order to be happy. So it comes down to abundance versus scarcity, mindset thinking. And they also talk about the importance of being self determined. And I’ve talked about this in past podcasts as well, we get to define our own success. So often, we look to fulfill some set of standards given to us by society. But when we decide how we will measure our success, and what success looks like, we are then able to build our internal reference system. So one activity to do is simply write down five things to complete this sentence. I know I am successful when, and you list out the five things that you know, you consider yourself to be successful. And by doing this, your reference point is internal. And your happiness and success are always right. Here they are within you. And another concept that I’ve talked about here, and then he discusses on the book is the idea around the compound effect. And you first heard me talk about this when I referenced Darren Hardy. But this is the idea that small changes, small actions over time add up. So what is one small habit that you might be able to implement that over time, you will show yourself all the ways you live in the game. One thing that I’m just starting to do is that at the end of the day, I simply write down three wins from the day. Because here’s what happens a lot of times, right, and I know, I’m not alone, here, we go to bed thinking I didn’t get that done, I forgot to do that, I still need to do that. I shouldn’t have said that. And that all adds up. The gap can also be from a compound effect when we do that to ourselves over and over. So truly the shift is that in order to live more in the game, you have to start making changes. And a great time to make these changes is before you go to bed. Because there is a lot of research that shows the importance of priming your brain in a positive way or a useful way, let’s say before you go to bed, because so much work goes on subconsciously while you’re sleeping. So that one simple step before you go to bed to write your three wins could actually kill two birds with one stone. There is so much great information in this book. But since we keep it short here, I would say the bottom line is we always create the meaning in our lives. We create what we make every experience mean. And instead of living in the gap on default, let’s start doing more of the work of showing ourselves how far we have come. And that will propel us to even higher levels. And it’s so much more empowering, to see our growth and to share those types of ideas for other people to see for themselves. Listen, friends, we are in a place these days where our mental health is so important. We need to be able to talk about the things that need to change and how collectively we can make this all just a little bit better, and how individually we can all show up a little bit more and the way that we are meant to. We are not meant to be like everyone else. We are not meant to have the same thoughts and that is oh okay. We are all here for a reason. And when you stifle your magic, the world misses out. Give yourself the credit for All you have done, thank your past self. Enjoy who you are, and keep going. And if you need help with this, maybe you have some goals that you haven’t quite hit yet on your own. You know, I am here to help head to Michelle Bourque coaching comm forward slash connect and let’s get on a free call to talk more about you. Okay, that’s what I have for you today. Let’s circle back next week but for now stay safe and make it a great day. Take care Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one, go to Michelle Bourque coaching comm and click on get started to begin