Ep 165 Reflecting on 2021

Today I’m talking about the importance of closing on the year reflecting on what you have accomplished over the last 12 months.  Yes it’s important to look towards the new year and setting new goals – but not before you give yourself credit for what you have done.  We need to take time to slow down, assess, and decide what your future plans are moving forward.

In This Episode:

• Emotions are neutral 
• Willingness to feel emotions will determine goals accomplished
• Questions to consider closing the year out
• Deciding what to let go of 
• Choosing what to move forward with 
• 4 open spots for 1:1 coaching – www.michellebourquecoaching.com/connect 

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Episode Transcript:

Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome back to the podcast friends. How are you doing today? Like really doing? See end of the year. So holiday season, and all of the feelings are valid. It does not always have to be just positive ones, right? It’s so funny because my sister is always saying things like, oh, okay, you over there with your rainbows and butterflies. And I think to myself, clearly she does not listen to the podcast because I am often talking to you all about how life is 5050. Right? It’s not all rainbows, daisies and butterflies. And that’s Oh, Kay. It’s interesting. I was recently working with a client around the topic of feelings, especially around feelings when starting a new habit. Inside note, before I go too far into the story, I do have four spots open for one on one private coaching. If you are ready, even if you’re not ready, let’s do it. We start in January. And if you feel like work, has you at your wit’s end, or you just haven’t been able to get the changes that you want on a new goal? We should definitely talk. Go to Michelle Bourque coaching comm forward slash connect, and let’s get on a free call, just to discuss and see how it is that we can help you get moving. Okay. Now, back to the story. So we’re talking about negative and positive emotions. And I want to challenge that thinking for all of you. What if there were just emotions? What if it wasn’t negative, or positive? Because the truth is, emotions are simply vibrations in your body. They’re associated with bodily reactions that are activated through neurotransmitters and hormones released by the brain. So for example, when you think of anxiety, what comes up? Unknown Speaker 2:56 What comes up for you, as you feel it in your body? For me, I usually have my heartbeat a little faster. I think I clench my jaw more than I normally do. My stomach might feel like it drops and I start to feel a headache. And sometimes, I think my hands might shake a little bit. So what is it for you because it’s important to know, we want to be able to take note of what is going on in our body, which allows us to process through the emotion and to show your brain that you didn’t die, we can handle all emotions. What if we just considered them all part of this thing we call the human experience that we have all signed up for? We don’t have to label or judge. And I mean, let’s be honest, using the example of anxiety. Sometimes when we work out, our heart beats faster, we might feel a tightness in our chest or our head, we might sweat and it’s all totally fine. So why do we think that we shouldn’t feel it? When we’re reaching for new goals? Not being willing to feel all the feelings is what keeps us safe and stuck. Getting to the next level in your life means you have to be uncomfortable. You have to be willing to feel the anxiety or whatever it is for you as you start the new thing. And when you are willing to feel all of the emotions, yes, even the shame or the embarrassment when we quote unquote, fail. That’s when you start accomplishing new goals and see new results. And I want to pause for a moment to ask if we remember where feelings come from. Unknown Speaker 4:50 Sometimes we blame others. They make me nervous. They make me anxious. But that is not true. Unknown Speaker 5:00 When we think that we give them all the power, but we create our feelings with our thoughts. Unknown Speaker 5:08 And I want to ask you to take a minute and think of your favorite person right now. Go. Unknown Speaker 5:17 How do you feel? When you think about that person? Is it love? Is it joy? Is it excitement? Unknown Speaker 5:25 Now, I want to ask you to think of your least favorite person. Go. Unknown Speaker 5:33 Okay, what comes up? Unknown Speaker 5:35 Is it anger, disappointment? What is the feeling? But notice, neither of those people are in front of you. And yet, you had feelings, just by thinking about them. It’s wild, right? So when we are worried about what others might think about us, Unknown Speaker 6:00 it’s really the thoughts, we think they are thinking, which as I say that it’s so convoluted, right? We’re worried about what we think they think of us. And I’ll fill you in on a little secret here half the time, they’re not thinking about us at all, because they are also thinking about what they think we are thinking about them. It’s just so crazy. So let’s keep it simple. And decide what we want to think about ourselves and choose good things to think things that are useful for you in your life. Now, I know that kind of went off on a tangent of what today is about, we are talking about reflecting on the year. But I want to start with that because we need to be aware, moving forward a lot of what we have done over the past year, and be what we are willing to feel or not willing to feel, and how we decide on purpose, what we want to do in the next year. So now that we got the importance of the emotions work out of the way, I want us to look at reflecting on the past year. Yes, I know you have a lot on your plate. And I still want you to do this. I’m keeping this podcast pretty short. I think that’s the plan so that you can take a couple extra minutes and gift it to yourself. You aren’t achiever, I know that. And we also need to at times, slow down. In order to speed up, we need to see what we have done in order to know if we want to do more of it. Or if we want to change it, or do we just want to stop doing it altogether. And it’s so easy for us to just go go go, what is the next goal? How can I get better? But you’re forgetting a couple important steps along the way. So let’s consider Unknown Speaker 8:08 what have you done well, over the past year, just get a piece of paper, or put it in the notes section of your phone. I prefer pen to paper, there’s something to that. But really the best way to journal is the way that works for you. So what have you done well over the past year? What was the best decision you made in the past year? And what did you have to think in order to make that decision? Unknown Speaker 8:43 What are you most proud of? And remember, our brain is designed to look for the negative. It’s how we’re hardwired. It’s how we survived when we lived in caves. And we had to look out for you know things like saber toothed tigers and killer berries. But nowadays, you can get your berries delivered to your house from Instacart. Right? I do love me some Instacart by the way. So as a society, we have evolved, but our brains still wants to show us what we have done wrong, or how we need to get better. And this work, the mindset work. The work of personal development and coaching is the intentional work that we need to do every single day in order to live on purpose. There are so many people that just go through life unconsciously. Don’t be that person. You deserve so much more. There’s so much more possible and spoiler alert. I don’t think we ever, quote unquote arrive and all of a sudden we get it. Enlightenment. No. It’s a process that we can Unknown Speaker 10:00 knew all through life well, at least into the points that you want to stop growing. Otherwise, we are in it for the long run, baby. So let’s start a new process this week. How about even better? Let’s start today, where we reflect back on a few things. So answer those first questions. And I also want you to consider what were your top 10 achievements this year. And it can be around family, home, work, friends, whatever it is that you created, I know you have more than 10. But let’s just start there. Unknown Speaker 10:40 And I want you to think about your top 10 memories over the year, same thing from any aspect of your life, you know that I am a big proponent of work life integration. So I like to look at you in your entirety, right? You as a whole? And what are the top 10 things that brought you pure joy over the year? And last one for today on our questions of reflection? What is one thing, just one that you want to let go of this year? What is the one thing that if you let it go, you would open yourself up to so many possibilities? Now let’s start with those. And you know what, I’ll share a couple of answers that came up for me, so that you just can get some of the juices flowing. So I think some of the top achievements, I would say, one was that I made it through an extended timeframe at work where my team left, right, I’ve talked about to hear on the podcast. And I was just shy of plan 97% solo. And I know it wasn’t 100%. But I do think there was something to that. And I’m pretty sure Mark might have a slightly different version of what me quote unquote, making it through luck to like, now, as I say that I want to be fully transparent, because there were days in that timeframe that I thought it would be much easier and a much better idea to just quit, empty my retirement with all of the penalties attached and go to the beach. That is not part of the exercise. So as you do this, your brain may serve up yeah buts right. 97% To plan but it wasn’t 100 Unknown Speaker 12:36 You say you made it through, but you want it to leave. Notice your brain, if that happens to you. This is the intentional work, not the year, buts don’t go there. It’s not part of the exercise, you reflect on the achievement part to remind yourself of how well you are doing. And I would say another achievement is coming here every single week to share and connect with you. And one more I would add to the list is that I had more presentations this year than ever two groups about coaching tools, which I love doing. Oh, and I’ll also add another I think which just recently happened is that we started some new processes in the business where Mark and I are adding on in order to help more of you. So stay tuned for that and folk to come next year. Now. As far as some of my top memories, I would say Mark and I going to the ocean. I just love our time there. I would also include the girls weekend trips that I have with our nieces, and being asked to be a godmother. And anytime that I’m on the patio with Mark and the dog, do you see how easy it can be? It literally does not have to be some big to do. It’s what are your memories? What brings you joy? It doesn’t have to be an elaborate answer. Just listen to the voice within. I know I get it. We have lots of external polls on us. But we need to be the ones to start putting some lines in the sand. Start setting some boundaries and start looking at what we are doing and stop telling ourselves that we’re not doing enough. That is archaic, old programming that runs in our brains. It leaves us feeling terrible and thinking we need to do more. And I know people say but if I didn’t do that, or if I didn’t think that I have to do more and get better, that I might not continue to reach for my new goals. Unknown Speaker 14:57 I promise you the answer Unknown Speaker 15:00 is actually the opposite. When you treat yourself with love and compassion, and bring in a dose of curiosity, you will blow your own mind as to what is possible. So be willing to feel the feelings, all of them, the magic is in the mess. It’s when we do more of that, that we achieve our wildest dreams. So take the time today, over the next couple of days and reflect back on all of the amazing things that you’ve done. And then we can look forward to what are some of the new goals that we want to accomplish and 2022 But first, Unknown Speaker 15:46 I really encourage you to take the time to give yourself credit for what you have done this year. It has not necessarily been an easy one friends, but as always, we figure it out right? Okay, that’s what I have for you today. Let’s circle back next week for one final episode of the year but for now, make it a great day take care