Ep 160 On Purpose
Today I am discussing the book On Purpose – The Busy Women’s Guide to An Extraordinary Life of Meaning & Success, by Tanya Dalton. I loved this book for so many reasons and most importantly the overall message being the idea that we challenge some of the beliefs we have trusted for so long, and challenge what society has defined for us. Instead we need start looking at what extraordinary looks like in your life. She says we are operating within dated, obsolete models that are desperately in need of evolving because joy and happiness deserve to have a seat at the table – it’s time to pull up a chair for them.
In This Episode:
- Tanya Dalton – The Intentional Advantage Podcast
- Kris Plachy – Leadership is Feminine Podcast
Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to the podcast friends. How are you doing today? I have to say, I am feeling rested. We went away for a long weekend this past weekend. And we went to the ocean, my all time favorite place to be. And we were in New England, which was a little chilly. But that doesn’t even matter because it was just so nice and sunny. And I slept in past 330. So that’s always a plus. In fact, I really did work on just being where my feet were, as Mel Robbins suggests, and doing it on purpose, which is what I want to talk to you about today. Now, as you know, and let me just take a moment if you’re new to the podcast, welcome. And I will just say that we are here at episode 160. And Every 10th episode, I like to either do an interview or share some of the work from one of my mentors, or maybe a book that I loved. And so today I am talking about the book on purpose by Tanya Dalton. And I think the first time I heard about Tanya was from Brooke Castillo, just in passing on one of her podcast. But then I recently listened to an interview with Tanya on the leadership, his feminine podcast where she was promoting her book with Chris Blackie. And I will also say, as a side note, if you’re into podcast, both Chris’s and Tanya’s. So leadership is feminine with Chris Blackie. And the intentional advantage with Tanya Dalton. They are both kind of my jam these days. So if you’re looking for a new podcast, I suggest checking both of them out. Okay, now, let’s dive into more about the book on purpose, the busy Woman’s Guide to an extraordinary life of meaning and success. And I know there are a lot of busy women listening. So it is all great information for you. And as always take what works and leave what doesn’t. And one of the things that I loved about her message is the idea that we challenge some of the beliefs that we have trusted for so long, and challenge what society has defined for us. And that we actually start looking at what extraordinary looks like in your life. And she says we’re operating within dated, obsolete models that are desperately in need of evolving because she says joy and happiness deserve to have a seat at the table. It’s time to pull a chair up for them. And here’s my take on this. We all think we have to work work work and doo doo doo and when x happens, so when you get the promotion or you enter into the marriage, or you have the kid, you just hustle and hustle and hustle, and then you will be happy. Unknown Speaker 3:53 No, this is what we have to challenge. How do we invite happiness and joy into our lives? As we do this thing called being humans every single day, right? We are after all, human beings, not human doings. And I love this book because it’s so organized. And it’s set up in four sections. And you can read it succinctly which of course I did. But you can also go crazy and jump around from section to section. But I will just give you an overview of the sections and some of my takeaways that really seemed to resonate, but there is just so much more to the book than what I’ll be talking about here. So definitely check it out if I pique your interest, okay, so the four sections include reflection, projection, action, and alteration. Now in reflection, she talks about choosing to disrupt your patterns and choose Unknown Speaker 5:00 Seeing your identity. And I loved so much of this book and this section, because I love the idea of disrupting patterns, the importance of taking time to look back, and to gain a better understanding on why we might be doing some of the things that we do. Now remember, our brain loves to be efficient, our brain loves patterns. So if we have some baggage that we’ve brought along from the past, it’s just good to see. And we all do, right. And she talks about how our subconscious is almost like the dirty laundry under the bed, and we have to dig it out. We can learn from our past hardships, and our past failures, and our past mistakes. And she talks about that being the most fertile ground to plant seeds to move forward in your future. It’s where you as she says, look for the pony. And this was the first time I ever heard this story. But I guess Ronald Reagan used to say this in the White House if something was going wrong, who would say there must be a pony somewhere. And apparently, the saying is hundreds of years old when a father decided to test his boys and place them in a room with manure. And after an hour, the pessimistic boy was angry and irritated. And the optimistic boy couldn’t be found. And when the dad finally saw him, he was digging with two hands in the manure. Hopefully, you’re not eating breakfast right now. Right? But the dad asked what in the world was he doing? And the son replied, with all this manure? There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere. Right? I really, I did, I got a kick out of it. Because sometimes, you just need to change your perspective. Okay. Next up, let’s take a look at the section on projection. And here, Dalton talks about choosing to see your future, she talks about choosing to find your focus. And she talks about choosing to make a plan. And in this area, I loved her discussion around how perfect is one of the biggest lies, we tell ourselves, there is no such thing as perfect, and yet, we are all trying to chase it. And by doing so, we unknowingly use perfection as a tool to keep us from reaching our truest potential. And what she says is perfectionism becomes a mask procrastination, where’s because we have these grandiose ideas, right? It’s almost like shiny object syndrome. And we think everything has to be done perfectly. And so we wait until we think we know how to do it perfectly. Unknown Speaker 7:59 But then she talks about how we really need to stop and get out of our heads. There is no perfect way. But how do you get out of your head and figure out your dominant strengths at what you are really good at? Because if we’re always looking at the shiny object, right, we’re always going from one activity to the next activity to the next activity. But what are your dominant strengths and live life on purpose, so beyond the checklists of doing this, and this, and this, and that, and this, but really find a way to better understand what kind of impact you want to make in the world. And then she adds, passion is an internal flame that ignites you. But purpose is how that flame ignites others as well. Isn’t that so good? Here’s the thing, friends, you know, oftentimes, when I’m working with women, they talk about maybe wanting more confidence or being nervous if they’re presenting or being nervous if they’re going for a promotion. But a lot of times when we feel that way, it’s because we’re focused on what we think other people will think about us. And there’s a saying, I can’t recall where I heard it from some podcasts, I’m sure. But if your heart is of service, it’s hard to be nervous. So if we can think about the bigger picture, what is it that we want to do in the world? What is the impact we want to have on others, that is such a different energy to be taking action from. And with that, let’s move on to the section about action and she looks at choosing to invest yourself, choosing to release your fears and choosing to create time. And of course, you know, right I have to touch on the time section here. I mean, you are after all listening to Unknown Speaker 10:00 The pitcher time podcast. Unknown Speaker 10:02 And let’s just start by saying you do not manage your time you manage your activities. Time is not like some crazy toddler in the grocery store, she talks about right, and we have to try to manage and wrangle them in No, our time is Unknown Speaker 10:23 equal to our priorities. And think about what do you say, when you’re talking about the relationship that you have with time, oftentimes, things like, I don’t have enough time, I’ll make time to do that some day, you fill in the statement for you. And I love an example that she uses, and really showing how this is so true. It’s not about managing time. It’s about managing our activities and deciding our priorities because she talks about an example where let’s say, you’re in the middle of writing a book. And your kid comes in and wants to go outside and play. And you say, oh, no, not now. Honey, I just don’t have the time. Unknown Speaker 11:10 Okay, now, let’s take a very similar scenario. You’re still writing the book, and the kid comes in, and she’s bleeding from her face, because she fell down. My guess is, and I’ll go out on a limb, you’re not going to look at the kid and be like, Oh, no, not now. Honey, I don’t have time. No, you will not tell her I don’t have time. We are lying to ourselves. When we say we don’t have time, we all have the freakin time. It’s just not a priority. You just don’t want to do the activity. It’s your time. And that’s okay. Own what you are prioritizing. It’s so much more powerful. And many of us have this hustle mantra, right. But she looks at the importance of allocating time to rest. And I want you to think about this, because a lot of the girls I work with, do not have self care as one of their top priorities and just challenge the belief, please, that self care is selfish. It is not. And she talks about how we cannot exhale, if we don’t take time to inhale. Think about that. Unknown Speaker 12:25 Where in your life, can you start incorporating a little bit more self care? Where in your life? Can you start prioritizing your time and investing in yourself. Unknown Speaker 12:38 And dare I say, for the betterment of everyone around us, right. And then the final section I want to touch on is alteration. And she talks about the importance of choosing to give grace, we know life doesn’t always happen as planned. And this is just an opportunity to acknowledge and by acknowledge, she is talking about being aware. So getting off the path doesn’t mean that we failed, it just means that our path isn’t straight. And once we acknowledge this, and we’re able to step back, and assess, just check in, ask yourself, Is the goal still for you? Oftentimes, when we get off the path, and we think something’s gone wrong, it absolutely can be exactly what we need. Just take the time to determine and assess is the goal still for you. And if we want to live on purpose, we want to find the joy. Unknown Speaker 13:47 So here are some questions that you can also pose to yourself, right? Have you lost sight of your vision? And I wouldn’t even just stop and ask if you know what your vision is. And she talks about this early in the book about what is your cathedral? What is your big vision in life? Do you take the time to stop and really think about that, as you’re running from one thing to the next. So then you can ask yourself, does the goal still go along with what I want? And am I on track with where I want to be? If not, Unknown Speaker 14:25 what’s happening? What’s pulling me from my path? And then what do I want to focus on this month? Maybe what new habits do I want to cultivate that will help me get closer to my goal? And then when you actually take the time to answer those questions, you can adjust and just make some tweaks. It’s small changes over time. It’s the micro shifts that lead you to the big shifts in your life and you trust what that is for you. Trust what it is that you want, because not all the Unknown Speaker 15:00 boxes that you have been given. And not all the expectations from others need to be the answer. It’s really time to stop compromising with yourself, she says. So we choose to keep moving forward, we choose on purpose, and we choose what it is that we want to do to make an impact in this world. Such a great read friends. And there’s so much more to dive into. There’s a free interactive guide that you can grab if you read it. And I would say totally put it on your list. In fact, I’ll just touch again on her podcast this season, she is talking about the book. So if you want just a little bit more info before you dive into committing to the book, feel free to check out her weekly podcast again, the intentional advantage. Okay, now, I mentioned last week that I would have a special announcement today and I want to let you know that I am going to be offering a free coaching and connection call and the theme is going to be around getting ready to kickstart our 2022. So I’ll do a little teaching to start the call out. And then I really want to open it up to questions and answers on either topics that we’re talking about during the call or anything that you’ve heard here on the podcast. And I want us to be able to connect and network who knows what could be possible when we get some amazing folks together, right? We’ll learn more connect, and then you leave the call with a takeaway or two that works for you. And I really just want it to be an opportunity for you to get your 2022 jumpstarted because we do not have to wait until January friends. So if you’re interested in learning more, just go to Michelle Burke coaching.com Again, Burke is B OURQUE. So Michelle Bourque coaching comm get on the email list and that is where I’ll be sending all the details soon. Okay, friends, hope to see you there. That’s what I have for you today. Let’s circle back next week but for now stay safe and make it a great day take care Unknown Speaker 17:19 Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one, go to Michelle Bourque coaching.com, and click on get started to begin