Ep 147 Change

Posted August 18, 2021

Join me today as I talk about change. Change can be scary, and yet it is the one constant in life. I am discussing why people feel stuck, what you can do to start making small changes and the biggest things that hold us back from accomplishing the goals we most desire.

In This Episode:

Honoring your desire
Considering what others think
Failing and what you make it mean
Learning from actions
Dan Sullivan – the 4 C’s of Change
Contact me: contact@michellebourquecoaching.com

Episode Transcript:

Michelle Bourque 0:03 You are listening to the it’s your time podcast and I’m your host certified life coach Michelle Arnold Burke, and today’s episode I’m discussing change. Welcome to the richer time podcast, the podcast where busy professionals like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule so you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place. Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome back to the podcast. Friends. How are you doing today? Hopefully your summer is going well. We are still in summer for all of you that are posting about pumpkin spice lattes. I saw a funny meme or something posted that said sit your pumpkin spice latte butts down. I’m not done with my Margarita yet. I was like, Yes. Let’s enjoy summer still right? I’m so happy that you’re here. And it really has been so nice in our area. So I’ve just been trying to soak it up. Enjoy what we have right friends. Okay, let’s dive into today’s podcast. And yes, we can enjoy what we have. But we can also make changes. And I really think like the one constant in life is changed, right? If we’re lucky, if we’re not changing, are we really even growing? And it’s interesting because sometimes I talk to clients, and they might mention that they feel, quote unquote, stuck. And I don’t even know if it’s as much being stuck as it is having that whisper or that desire to do something new to make that change, and then to not honor it. And what I mean is oftentimes, there is something that we want to do, but then we get nervous, right? Because we think things like what will others think? And before we go too far on that? Let’s get clear on that question. And this applies to any time your brain wants to serve you up any questions? answer them. What do you think others will think? Let’s say it’s leaving a job. And you might think others will think I’m crazy for doing this? Or you might think, what if I fail? Or you might think the next thing might not be so great. Pay attention to all of what you think others will think. Because oftentimes, it’s actually what we think ourselves deep down about the change. And it’s usually so unconscious, which is why you have to answer the question, what will others think, so that you can get clear and have awareness on what your deepest thoughts are? Because those are the ones that we need to change, right? We have these beliefs that we’ve held for so long, they seem just matter of fact. And so when we start to question them, become aware of them, then we get to decide if we want to make the changes and the thoughts that we have about the changes that we want to make you with me still right. So get clear on all of it. Because we might think something like others will think I’m crazy. And then ask yourself another question. Okay, so what? Are you crazy for staying somewhere that you might just be complete on the relationship that it’s provided? Or are you crazy for making the change that you so kind of deeply desire, right? Let’s even take a look at the thought I might fail because I think a lot of times when we’re looking at changing our brain for sure wants to tell us, it’s not going to work out. So if you’re thinking something along the lines of I might fail. Get clear on what that even means. Right? I might fail is so broad. What does your rain tell you is failing in Gouda worst case scenario. Are you going to end up like in a bus on the side of a river all by yourself? My guess is probably not likely. And Heck, if you do, at least you’ll have a water view, right? I mean, seriously, we got to have some fun with our brains, okay. Because we are all Just doing the best we can as humans, right? And remember, our brain is designed for survival. We know this, right? We know this based on the motivational triad, avoid pain, seek pleasure, and be as efficient as possible. So a lot of times back to that whisper, right? That inner voice, that desire that says, Let’s make the change. Our default brain says hell to the No, we know what we have going on here. And if we leave, it could be disastrous. We’ll have to start all over. Let’s just keep with what we know. And this is where I think we stay stuck, because we aren’t making the changes. And here’s another thing about that thought I might fail. A lot of times, what we make that mean is, I’m a failure. Not that the action didn’t work out as anticipated. But I’m a failure. And what if that wasn’t true? What if, quote, unquote, failing is our opportunity to learn. We all want to know, the how, before we actually do something new. But the way we know that how, is by actually doing something new, so we have to take action, then we learn from it. And the truth is failing is simply something that we tell ourselves in the moment, we are the ones that make the result of the action, either a failure or a success. I’m gonna say that, again, we are the ones that make the result of the action, either a failure or a success. We have the power of friends. But what if we also had the option to say, it was just something that we were able to learn from? Now what, and it goes back to some of what I talked about last week in the podcast on self respect, we take the action, we get the result. Now, what is our thought about that result? And how do we treat ourselves with that result? How do we speak to ourselves after we have that result, and that is very telling my friend, and I can imagine, if you’re someone who beat yourself up after taking action and getting a result that was not anticipated, it might be holding you back from making the next change. But if we can have compassion, and get curious and learn from it, that’s when we are willing to make the changes. And I’m not saying that you have to go out and leave your job. This is the example I’m using in the podcast. Start small, start with small changes. So you can build up that relationship that you have with yourself, and know that you always have your own back no matter what. And then you’ll make the next change and the next change. And then you’ll look back in the past year and amaze yourself at how much has changed. It doesn’t have to be one grand gesture. And one moment, small changes over time equals lasting results. And I do want to add another layer here. I mean, it’s all layers, isn’t it right. And for the purpose of this podcast, I think it’s also important to get clear on why you want to make the change. So let’s keep with leaving the job. Since we’ve already started with that example. It can really be anything though it can be a change in a relationship, it could be a change and moving to a new location. But to keep with some consistency, we’ll go back to the job because there is a difference when you leave a job because you think something like everyone takes advantage of me and I am just so overwhelmed. Versus I’ve done what I’m here to do. This time is complete. And now I get to try something new for the sake of my own growth and development. You see, a lot of times I think that we think change presupposes that we are not happy, right? That we have to make the change because we’re not happy in situation x. And so we have to leave or change to situation y in order to be happy. But there’s a big difference in how that feels right. Can you notice, I have to leave because I’m overwhelmed and everyone else is at fault. Versus I’ve done what I’m here to do. Now what because let me fill you in on a little secret. If you think people are taking advantage of you and that’s what is making you overwhelmed. You will be in for quite an interesting time. At The next place when you will likely have similar experiences, because it’s on you. And your thinking, which is great news because you hold the power to actually set boundaries. So people don’t, quote unquote, take advantage of you. You need to learn how to set the boundaries before you leave. And then you set yourself up for way more success at the next level. And if you do that, give yourself credit. That is a change in who you are being. How do you want to show up in each situation? That is the question because listen, we usually cannot control circumstances, but we absolutely can control our reaction to them. And we absolutely can decide to change them. But make sure you like your reasons why. And as we kind of come to a close here, do you know what you mostly need for change to happen? courage, it’s the ability to do the thing. Even if you’re unsure, even if you’re scared. We all think that in addition to needing to know the how we also need confidence to make the change. And so we wait around thinking, Okay, I’ll do that when I feel confident. No, you need to feel courageous to make the change, not confident. And Dan Sullivan talks about the four C’s of change. And he says, you first need to have a commitment, right? So you have the commitment to the change. And you like your reason why I’m going to add, and then you have to have the courage to make the change that you are committed to, then you start taking action towards that change. And as you do, you build your capabilities. And it’s when you continue to build on your capabilities, that you gain your confidence. So we don’t start with the confidence, my friend, we gain the confidence as we go. So don’t wait around until you think you’re going to feel confident because if you’re waiting around for the confidence to just appear, you might be waiting for a long time. And what happens is, we fail ahead of time, because we don’t even give ourselves the opportunity to make the change. And think What a bummer. That could be. Here’s something that I’ve been considering. Going back to the idea that we you know, what is it that we tell ourselves about failure? And what if failure isn’t really that worst case scenario that you came up with? What if failing, is actually not making the change, and missing out on the magic of what could be possible. Focus on what you might gain my friend a lot of times our brain wants to tell us all the things that we are going to lose if we make the change. But what could you gain? Now, that’s a fun thing to explore, and visualize and make happen. As always, I would love to know what comes up for you guys around this idea and we can continue the conversation. Just DM me on the socials, Instagram and Facebook at Michelle Bert coaching and on LinkedIn. Michelle Arnold Burke. Okay. That’s what I have for you today. Let’s circle back next week but for now stay safe and make it a great day. Take care. Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one, go to Michelle Bourque. Coaching comm and click on Get started to begin

Ep 147 Change

Leave a Comment Cancel reply

Leave a Comment
Cancel reply