Ep 146 Coaching and Self Respect

Join me today as I talk about a recent coaching experience as well as the importance of having self respect as you go through the process of achieving any new goal in your life.  I’m sharing insight as to why you may not have enough self respect and how to increase it as you make the next best changes in your life. 

In This Episode – 

• How coaching helps you get new solutions 
• Achieving new goals 
• Doing scary things 
• Self respect 
• Self talk 
• Saying no to say yes 
• Doing more of what you want 
• Having pride for what you do 
• Contact me – contact@michellebourquecoaching.com 
• Join me on IG, FB, LinkedIn

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Full Transcript:

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

coaching, self respect, coach, friends, work, talking, michelle, goal, overwhelm, respect, strive, burke, gain, believing, full transparency, solutions, builds, week, story, scary

SPEAKERS Michelle Bourque

M

Michelle Bourque 00:00
You are listening to the it’s your time podcast and I’m your host certified life coach Michelle Arnold Burke. In today’s episode, I’m discussing coaching, and self respect. Welcome to the richer time podcast, the podcast where busy professionals like you get the practical solutions and support you need to gain control of your schedule. So you can strive to be the best in your career, but without the stress and overwhelm. If you’re looking to increase your energy and decrease your stress, you are in the right place. Hello, hello. Hello, welcome back friends. Here we are, again, another week in Paradise, right? Okay. So I’m going to jump right in today, I want to talk to you about coaching and self respect. And you know that I do the work here, and I share everything that I am learning with you. And hopefully, you find it helpful. And you know how I roll. You take what works, leave what doesn’t, and we keep on going right. So I want to start by telling you a story about a recent coaching call that I had, I was actually being coached on. And I wanted to work on something pretty specific. So it was my first time with this specific coach. And I still have my normal business coach. But this was just an additional piece of coaching that I was needing in the moment. So I’m in it right, I’m telling her all of my thoughts. I’m talking about some of the overwhelm around the topic that we were discussing some of the self judgment that I was adding to that around the topic, some of the doubt, and on and on. And as a coach, of course, she is just remaining totally unattached to any of my story. She just gives me the space lets me go on and on. And all along, keeps giving me the right. And then finally, and the most calm and deliberate voice. She says, Well, it seems if you can get your head out of your ass, you might find some solutions. I was dying, it was so funny in the moment. And she was totally on point. And this is the beauty of having a coach, this is why I want to share the story. Because sometimes we are so in our own story, that we cannot even see that there are other options. And side note, coaching can be a ton of fun, right? Because your coaches objective and really doesn’t know any of the answers, but can totally show you what your brain has going on and what your brain is serving up to you, right. And it just helps when you can question all of that. And that’s when you get to see the new solutions, and then make some changes. But we have to be willing to do new things in order to get new results, right. And that can be uncomfortable. And it can be scary. But a lot of times, our brain will make things even scarier than what they actually are. And we tend to focus more on what we will lose, making the changes versus what we can gain. And honestly, it’s sometimes scary to do the new things because it might change the identity of who you have been. So maybe you want to take a new job, maybe it’s having a baby, maybe it’s asking for a race, maybe it’s getting married, maybe it’s ending a relationship, whatever it is for you. There is one thing, no matter what that goal is or what that change is, there is one thing that you can keep in mind. You can always have self respect for yourself and know that at the end of each day, you have your own back. And I was recently on a peloton ride where the instructor was talking a lot about self respect, and I thought it just seemed so perfect for this week. And when I did the old clickety clack on the Google’s to check the actual definition of self respect. It came up as pride and confidence in one self, a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity. Now, I asked you how often Can you say that you feel pride and confidence in yourself? Because the thing is we grow up and we are taught to respect our parents and respect our teachers and respect our elders. But there is not much talk about Respecting yourself and how you do it. So, how do you speak to yourself? For example? Is it in a loving way? Or do you beat yourself up over everything? Things like, I shouldn’t have said that. I can’t believe I ate that. I wasn’t going to do that again. I can be so dumb sometimes. I for sure, should not have done that other thing. It’s just crazy how we speak to ourselves. I actually think I might be embarrassed some days, right? Have you heard what goes on in here, you think I’m a little nutty as it is, it goes deep, my friend. These are just the top players, right? And that’s why we keep doing this work. You know, self respect can also entail respecting and implementing boundaries, right? society tells us how noble and righteous It is to be
selfless. But there is a fine line between being selfless and losing yourself. And I wonder if we even know when that happens, right. I was talking to someone recently, about totally different topic. And we were talking about how sometimes folks just get so greedy, right that they ultimately end up in jail, for example, and we chatted about how it’s just one small step over that line, right, we quote unquote, line. And then they make the next small step over the line. But based on the previous step over the line, right, so before you know it, they have gone so far away from the quote unquote, right side of the line, that they don’t even realize how far they’ve gone. Because it’s just been the little steps along the way. And I think that’s what happens a lot of times with self respect. It’s one yes. When

you really mean no. After the next Yes. When you’re really mean no. And the next Yes. When you mean no? Right? It’s saying Sure, I’ll do that for you. And then you’ll miss out on what you really want to do. It’s all of that, that adds up. That ultimately leaves us questioning where our level of self respect is, and really saying no, protects your Yes. It’s okay to say no, it’s okay to say I am no longer available for this. saying no to something you guys allows us to say yes to something else. That goes back to thinking about, what could you actually gain by saying, No, it doesn’t have to be looked at as this terrible thing. And having self respect means knowing you are enough with out any of the external things. full transparency, I still work on this, right? Because a lot of us have been programmed to believe you have to strive for the a right? It’s all about the achievement, you have to get the job with the best company, you have to hit the goals, make the numbers, get the money, and then and then you will feel like you are enough. But what I see happen time and time, again, is that we move the goalposts on ourselves. So we hit the number, and then we tell ourselves that we should have been over plan, we get the job, and then we cannot wait to get that promotion. We have the kid, and then people are asking you, when is the second coming. It’s really being grateful for where you are now, that builds the abundance and being enough, my friend is simply a decision. It is not a destination, you get to decide right now. I am enough. And now what I do is what I want to do, because I just want to do it. And you know what? No, could also be simply not yet. I loved one of the quotes on the ride that the instructor had. And I think we should all try this. have the audacity to believe in yourself. I mean, that really is it right? believing in ourselves. Look around friends, everything that you currently have comes from the thinking that you’ve had to this point. So just ask yourself, What do you want? What is the next goal? And sometimes people will say I’m not sure if that’s you take a guess. If we lived in a magical land where anything was possible. What would you say you wanted? Spoiler alert what you are quote unquote guessing that is what you want or Okay, just get curious. What are you believing about that goal? What are you believing about your ability to accomplish that goal? Just take some guesses on how you might be able to accomplish it. Just keep writing down. And if you’re really not sure, you could even go to the place where you think, well, if someone else were to do it, what do I think they might be doing? Right, and you’ll uncover some ideas, you’ll uncover some ideas that you didn’t even know were there. But here is the secret. Listen up. You can’t be super attached to the actions, you have to hold the belief that you will get the goal. So you have to keep in mind the big picture. And then be open to any and all possibilities. really be open to your capacity to have those possibilities. This is the work we do friends. This is the work that I love helping clients with. And there’s another question to ask yourself, when we’re talking about self respect, how proud of yourself, are you? What are the things that you have done that make you proud, really give yourself credit for that. It does not make you selfish, to give yourself credit. In fact, it builds your energy and your momentum to keep going. And you know, if you want help with this, I am always here. Just send me a DM on

Instagram and Facebook. I’m @MichelleBourquecoaching or you can of course email contact@Michelle Bourquecoaching.com Listen, the more we can do this for ourselves, the more we can be examples for others around us. How fun can that be? Okay friends, that’s what I have for you today. Let’s circle back next week but for now, stay safe and make it a great day. Take care. Did you know you can take this work to a deeper level with me one on one. Go to Michelle Bourque coaching.com and click on Get started to begin.