Ep 129 Self Talk

Ep 129 Self Talk

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Episode Notes:

Join me today as I discuss the the importance of how you talk to yourself, and how mirroring plays into your life.  What you see in others is a reflection of what is within you.  In this episode I chat about this – and some new changes within my coaching program.  Be sure to tune in!

In This Episode:

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Episode Transcript

Hello hello hello 

Welcome back to the podcast friends 

How is everything going?

Excellent over here I have to say

It’s been such a fun week

I started offering some free coaching 

To folks on my email list

Are you on it yet?

You totally should be 

It’s super easy

michellebourquecoaching.com

Download the free guide on 

Tips for work – life integration

And then you stay all up to date 

On any offers 

Let me tell you about this one 

I had this idea 

Because in my corporate job

Patients get to trial the implant 

Before they actually move on to permanent

It’s such a great opportunity right?

You make sure it’s something you want 

Before you commit

So 

I decided I would try something similar

In coaching 

Why not right?

I am always telling you guys 

The way you know if something works 

Is not to wait around and think you will 

Get some ahaaaaa 

Light from the sky saying 

Yes 

This is the absolute way 

No 

You try new things

And learn from them 

So I decided 

For now 

I am opening up free coaching 

One week a month 

Where you get to send me 

A situation 

You are feeling challenged with 

Or a goal you can’t quite seem to nail down

And a question

And then I will record a message back to you

With some coaching 

I’m having so much fun with it

We are coaching on things like 

Weight loss

Priorities 

Compelling reasons for goals

Letting go of past identities 

I love it 

And for April 

The trial option 

Closes this Saturday 

The 17th if you are listening 

On the air date of this 

So get on the list

And if you miss April 

I will do it again in May

I just want more people like yourself

Having the opportunity 

To work on your mind 

And see how powerful you really are 

In creating the results you want 

I have some other ideas I’m working on too

Oh – and this all stemmed from 

Me deciding to no longer offer 

Complimentary consult calls 

Here’s the thing 

If I’m being honest 

And 

lol.

Ummm 

I try to be honest al the time 

For me 

When I have a coach I want to work with 

I’ve followed her for awhile 

Before I decide

And then I decide 

And I just want to get to work 

I don’t really want to have to get on a consult call

But with that 

I love talking to amazing folks 

So if you ever think you ready 

And maybe have some questions one process 

Let’s chat 

Because here’s the thing 

It only take like a second to decide 

I talk about this here too right

Our brain loves to have us procrastinate 

And wait tor the right answer

But the way we know it’s the right decision

Is to actually decide 

And then choose to believe 

You made the right decision 

It’s fascinating 

Somewhere along the line 

We have all entered into an agreement 

That it makes more sense to judge ourselves 

And tell ourselves how we did it wrong 

Didn’t do enough

Should’ve done It differently 

Let’s all just stop with that 

There is no upside

I’m re-reading the book the 4 Agreements 

For like the 3rd time now I think 

And the first agreement 

Is to be impeccable with your word

Impeccable – in accordance with the highest standard 

And that means 

What you say to yourself 

Each day I’m seeing more and more

How I have to redirect my brain 

I imagine 

If I had a toddler 

It would be almost like that 

I recently caught myself telling myself 

How I should’ve picked up on something earlier 

How I should not have listened to somebody 

And how I was wrong for not taking the lead on something 

And then I had to stop 

And just say 

To myself 

lol..

Yes – this work involves much talking to yourself 

Which my friend 

You do anyhow 

You just might not be aware of it 

This is you doing in consciously 

So 

I just said to myself 

No no no 

We are not going there 

We are being impeccable with our word

In that moment you had the reasons you did 

For doing what you did 

And at that time you liked the reasons 

Move on 

What are we doing now 

It’s just like redirecting your kid 

Or your niece I guess

Notice also 

How you would never talk to your girlfriend

The way you talk to yourself 

So knock it off…lol..

I think that’s how you talk to your kid 

When they aren’t listening right?

lol.

And you know why else this is all important?

Because when you are able to start being kinder to yourself 

You start being kinder to others 

Here’s what I mean 

We are often reflections of each other 

So for example 

When you see something in another person that bothers you 

You might want to ask yourself 

How that shows up for you in your life 

Often times

What bothers us about others 

It something that is a sore point for ourselves 

And 

On the flip side

When there is something that attracts you to someone 

That is a sign that you have that within yourself already 

You might not quite see it 

But there is something there 

Attracting you to that person 

And let me share two different ideas with this concept

It’s kinda funny as I think about this example 

I didn’t even realize that the person I am attracted too

Made it “ok” for me ..lol..

So my family will sometimes say I’m bogey

To be honest 

I had to look that word up when they first said it

And I was like 

That is not me 

And I festered on it 

And I knew it touched on something 

And as I worked on finding what that was all about 

I realized it’s because 

I didn’t like the idea of seeming to be “too much:

So of course it touched a nerve 

Because it was an area of doubt within me 

Think about what that might be for you 

Who might say something about you

That really bothers you

Jen Sincero 

talks about some ways you can 

Take a look at this in her book

You Are a Baddass 

First –

Own your ugly

Notice what drives your crazy about somebody

Does it remind you of something you are trying to suppress

Or avoid?

Or something you do the opposite of 

Or theatened by 

Get fascinated 

Not furious

And then 

Question your ugly 

So maybe you think someone is too controlling

Just ask in what ways

Might you be too controlling

And then 

Ask yourself who you need to be 

In order for that to not bother you

Might you be able to find 

Places where you can let things go

And then 

Would that make you happier overall

The thing is you guys

And I talk about this all the time 

Once you start seeing it

Once you become aware 

Then you get to decide

If you want to kit it

Or drop it 

Vs just blindly living life

You can even ask yourself 

What you get out of being that way

There is usually some benefit for us keeping

Certain habits

So maybe the control thing is 

You are really good at getting things done 

And 

There can be negative advantages too

She uses an example 

Of if you are too rigid 

Controlling 

But maybe you intimidate people 

And then when they do it wrong 

You get to say you were right 

And then ask yourself 

How would you feel 

If you weren’t that way

Imagine what you might feel like

If you didn’t have to control 

Every single situation

Dare I suggest 

You might feel like 

You could take away some of the stress and overhwlem?

Just a thought to consider 

And let me just share why getting clear on this 

Is important 

And how you know 

It’s more within you 

Then anything anyone else is saying 

Or doing 

Because let’s go back to my first example of being bogey

If  the same family member said 

Michelle 

Your hair looks terrible with that blue color in it

I would be like 

WTH are you talking about 

My hair is not blue 

I am quite confident in that 

right?

It’s an extreme example but you get the idea right?

And the mirroring concept

Can also go on the flip side 

So 

You all know I love Robin from Peloton right

Well one day on a ride she said something like

It’s ok to be bogeey 

And I was like 

Ohhhh… yes 

Maybe that is me 

Now – 

I’m a little bougey at times…

I’m in ..lol..

See the difference?

Here’s the bottom line 

Just own it 

Whatever it is for you 

Own it 

And then decide if you want to change it 

Or not 

But don’t say others 

Are making you feel a certain way 

Its just not really empowering 

And wasn’t it Elenor Roosevelt who said 

No one can make you feel inferior 

Without your consent 

Remember that 

That’s where you hold the power.

Ok friends 

That’s what I have for you today

Let’s circle back next week

But for now 

Stay safe and make it a great day

Take care!

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