Ep 129 Self Talk
Episode Notes:
Join me today as I discuss the the importance of how you talk to yourself, and how mirroring plays into your life. What you see in others is a reflection of what is within you. In this episode I chat about this – and some new changes within my coaching program. Be sure to tune in!
In This Episode:
- Changes in coaching – ending consult calls
- Free coaching opportunities
- The Four Agreements (https://www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreements)
- Reflections of others
- Jen Sincero You Are A Badass (https://jensincero.com)
- Empowering yourself
- Work with me: (www.michellebourquecoaching.com)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Stitcher | TuneIn | RSS
Episode Transcript
Hello hello hello
Welcome back to the podcast friends
How is everything going?
Excellent over here I have to say
It’s been such a fun week
I started offering some free coaching
To folks on my email list
Are you on it yet?
You totally should be
It’s super easy
Download the free guide on
Tips for work – life integration
And then you stay all up to date
On any offers
Let me tell you about this one
I had this idea
Because in my corporate job
Patients get to trial the implant
Before they actually move on to permanent
It’s such a great opportunity right?
You make sure it’s something you want
Before you commit
So
I decided I would try something similar
In coaching
Why not right?
I am always telling you guys
The way you know if something works
Is not to wait around and think you will
Get some ahaaaaa
Light from the sky saying
Yes
This is the absolute way
No
You try new things
And learn from them
So I decided
For now
I am opening up free coaching
One week a month
Where you get to send me
A situation
You are feeling challenged with
Or a goal you can’t quite seem to nail down
And a question
And then I will record a message back to you
With some coaching
I’m having so much fun with it
We are coaching on things like
Weight loss
Priorities
Compelling reasons for goals
Letting go of past identities
I love it
And for April
The trial option
Closes this Saturday
The 17th if you are listening
On the air date of this
So get on the list
And if you miss April
I will do it again in May
I just want more people like yourself
Having the opportunity
To work on your mind
And see how powerful you really are
In creating the results you want
I have some other ideas I’m working on too
Oh – and this all stemmed from
Me deciding to no longer offer
Complimentary consult calls
Here’s the thing
If I’m being honest
And
lol.
Ummm
I try to be honest al the time
For me
When I have a coach I want to work with
I’ve followed her for awhile
Before I decide
And then I decide
And I just want to get to work
I don’t really want to have to get on a consult call
But with that
I love talking to amazing folks
So if you ever think you ready
And maybe have some questions one process
Let’s chat
Because here’s the thing
It only take like a second to decide
I talk about this here too right
Our brain loves to have us procrastinate
And wait tor the right answer
But the way we know it’s the right decision
Is to actually decide
And then choose to believe
You made the right decision
It’s fascinating
Somewhere along the line
We have all entered into an agreement
That it makes more sense to judge ourselves
And tell ourselves how we did it wrong
Didn’t do enough
Should’ve done It differently
Let’s all just stop with that
There is no upside
I’m re-reading the book the 4 Agreements
For like the 3rd time now I think
And the first agreement
Is to be impeccable with your word
Impeccable – in accordance with the highest standard
And that means
What you say to yourself
Each day I’m seeing more and more
How I have to redirect my brain
I imagine
If I had a toddler
It would be almost like that
I recently caught myself telling myself
How I should’ve picked up on something earlier
How I should not have listened to somebody
And how I was wrong for not taking the lead on something
And then I had to stop
And just say
To myself
lol..
Yes – this work involves much talking to yourself
Which my friend
You do anyhow
You just might not be aware of it
This is you doing in consciously
So
I just said to myself
No no no
We are not going there
We are being impeccable with our word
In that moment you had the reasons you did
For doing what you did
And at that time you liked the reasons
Move on
What are we doing now
It’s just like redirecting your kid
Or your niece I guess
Notice also
How you would never talk to your girlfriend
The way you talk to yourself
So knock it off…lol..
I think that’s how you talk to your kid
When they aren’t listening right?
lol.
And you know why else this is all important?
Because when you are able to start being kinder to yourself
You start being kinder to others
Here’s what I mean
We are often reflections of each other
So for example
When you see something in another person that bothers you
You might want to ask yourself
How that shows up for you in your life
Often times
What bothers us about others
It something that is a sore point for ourselves
And
On the flip side
When there is something that attracts you to someone
That is a sign that you have that within yourself already
You might not quite see it
But there is something there
Attracting you to that person
And let me share two different ideas with this concept
It’s kinda funny as I think about this example
I didn’t even realize that the person I am attracted too
Made it “ok” for me ..lol..
So my family will sometimes say I’m bogey
To be honest
I had to look that word up when they first said it
And I was like
That is not me
And I festered on it
And I knew it touched on something
And as I worked on finding what that was all about
I realized it’s because
I didn’t like the idea of seeming to be “too much:
So of course it touched a nerve
Because it was an area of doubt within me
Think about what that might be for you
Who might say something about you
That really bothers you
Jen Sincero
talks about some ways you can
Take a look at this in her book
You Are a Baddass
First –
Own your ugly
Notice what drives your crazy about somebody
Does it remind you of something you are trying to suppress
Or avoid?
Or something you do the opposite of
Or theatened by
Get fascinated
Not furious
And then
Question your ugly
So maybe you think someone is too controlling
Just ask in what ways
Might you be too controlling
And then
Ask yourself who you need to be
In order for that to not bother you
Might you be able to find
Places where you can let things go
And then
Would that make you happier overall
The thing is you guys
And I talk about this all the time
Once you start seeing it
Once you become aware
Then you get to decide
If you want to kit it
Or drop it
Vs just blindly living life
You can even ask yourself
What you get out of being that way
There is usually some benefit for us keeping
Certain habits
So maybe the control thing is
You are really good at getting things done
And
There can be negative advantages too
She uses an example
Of if you are too rigid
Controlling
But maybe you intimidate people
And then when they do it wrong
You get to say you were right
And then ask yourself
How would you feel
If you weren’t that way
Imagine what you might feel like
If you didn’t have to control
Every single situation
Dare I suggest
You might feel like
You could take away some of the stress and overhwlem?
Just a thought to consider
And let me just share why getting clear on this
Is important
And how you know
It’s more within you
Then anything anyone else is saying
Or doing
Because let’s go back to my first example of being bogey
If the same family member said
Michelle
Your hair looks terrible with that blue color in it
I would be like
WTH are you talking about
My hair is not blue
I am quite confident in that
right?
It’s an extreme example but you get the idea right?
And the mirroring concept
Can also go on the flip side
So
You all know I love Robin from Peloton right
Well one day on a ride she said something like
It’s ok to be bogeey
And I was like
Ohhhh… yes
Maybe that is me
Now –
I’m a little bougey at times…
I’m in ..lol..
See the difference?
Here’s the bottom line
Just own it
Whatever it is for you
Own it
And then decide if you want to change it
Or not
But don’t say others
Are making you feel a certain way
Its just not really empowering
And wasn’t it Elenor Roosevelt who said
No one can make you feel inferior
Without your consent
Remember that
That’s where you hold the power.
Ok friends
That’s what I have for you today
Let’s circle back next week
But for now
Stay safe and make it a great day
Take care!