Ep 111 The Importance of Feeling Feelings

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Episode notes:

Join me today as I talk about the importance of feeling your feelings.  You always get to tell the story of how any year ends – and this work is especially important this year.  As we reflect on the year and look towards 2021 – and new goals – what are you not willing to feel?  You must be willing to feel all if it – including rejection – as you reach for your wildest dreams – listen today to learn more about how to end this year in a way that is useful – and get ready for next.

In This Episode:

  • Living unconsciously 
  • How are you?  Really
  • Avoiding feelings
  • Resisting feelings
  • Blame 
  • Wanting others to change 
  • Willingness to feel rejection
  • Impossible goal for 2021
  • www.michellebourquecoaching.com/course

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Episode Transcript:

Hello hello hello 

Welcome back to the podcast friends

How are you today?


Think about that 

It’s interesting right?

I mean 

How often do we ask people how they are

And the answer is something like 



What does that even mean honestly?

And on the flip side

I think sometimes as we ask

We just expect 

Good as the answer 

And half pay attention 


You throw a zinger in there 

I think I told you this story before 

But one time when I had my niece down 

We went to the grocery store

And I told her to watch what was going to happen

You know 

They already think I’m crazy aunt Michelle 

So they are up for it

And when the cashier asked how are you 

I was like 


And her face 

Was so funny 

Because she was just ringing the stuff  you know 

But afterwards 

It was a fun conversation 

With my niece about how people 

Just get into the routine of asking 

And I for sure have been guilty of this too

I remember years ago 

Before coaching and all the tools I have now 

For the record..lol..

I met a patient for the first time

Now keep in mind-

I work with patients in pain

And I said something like 

Hi – I’m Michelle 

I’ll be working with you 

How are you?

And this lady looked at me 

And said 

How do you think I am 

I’m here for this

I was like 


Good point 

But really – 

Stop and think about it 

How are you today?

You guys 

Its the end of 2020

It’s the holiday season 

We might be going back into shutdown 

It’s ok 

To not be ok sometimes 

And I think that is important to recognize 


At the end of this year 

And honestly every year 

But I think this year is a great opportunity to see 

We get to tell the story of how we came out of it

So some of you might say it has been a dumpster fire

Some may say your business took off 

Some are saying it has been high anxiety

Some may say its been a year of building resilience 

The truth is 

You get to tell it however you want 

And there is no right or wrong answer 

But I’ll tell you what doesn’t work 

And I know because I’ve done it for years 

Trying to avoid 

Or escape your feelings 

Trying to blame others or external circumstances 

Trying to resist the feelings 

And trying to just change them to positive ones 




I’ve done it all 

So what do I mean by avoiding or escaping?

This might look like 

Needing a glass of wine at night to relax

Eating the warm chocolate chip cookie from Panera 

Because you are stressed from work 

I have to say .. .i

t has been a long time since I had a warm chocolate chip cookie from Panera 


Maybe even working more and more to stay busy 

So you don’t have to feel 

But it’s interesting to note 

None of those escapes 

Actually change what’s going on at the core

In fact 

Often times it leads to another layer 

Of judgement that we like to put on ourselves 

It sure is fascinating what we do to yourselves 

Thinking if we beat ourselves up enough 

Then we will get it “right”


When I say Blaming others for how we feel 

I mean – any external circumstance 

So maybe it’s Covid 

Or your spouse 

Or lately – 

I have been talking to a number of people 

Who are blaming their jobs for how they feel

Here is the thing about that friends 

The new blame all the external sources 

They means they have to change 

Or we have to leave 

In order to feel better 

It doesn’t work that way 

To begin with 

They do not change 

I promise you 

If I had that figured out 

I would tell you 

I’m mean 

What in the actual hell?

You know that saying 

Give it the old college try 

Which honestly 

I’m not even sure I entirely know what that means

But I feel like 

If trying to change others was something to do with college

I would be at like 

The doctorate level

It just doesn’t work

Think of how hard it is for us to change ourselves?


You know what I found as the added layer of fun in these instances?

Feeling like a failure 

When I’m not able to change them 

I really want you all to think about this

Because I know I’m not the only one 

You are a high achieving gal

And You know what is best right?


Pay attention to where you hand your power over 

To the external circumstances 

It’s not the job 

that is stressing you my friend

It is what you are thinking about it 

And that’s just good to know 

Because now you have the power 

To decide 

Maybe you want to keep thinking the thoughts 

Totally cool 

If they are useful 

But if they are not 

How do you want to think about it 

On purspose 

So you can make your next decision 

From a more powerful feeling 

And that is the thing here 

For all of you

The reason it is so important 

To even know what you are feeling 

Is because 

Our feelings drive our actions 

And our actions get us our results in life

And The results you have now

Come from your thinking 

That cause those feelings 

You with me ?

It’s the thought model in process 

And listen 

I know you are busy 

I get it 

But I really want to encourage you 

to stop with the busy for just a bit of time this week  

And pay attention 

To what you are feeling 

And what you are thinking 

I like to take this time of year 

To do some reflection on this year


I’m working on setting goals now 

For next year 

And I want to go into 2021

Feeling committed to those goals.

But first 

I want to close out 2020 

And you know what 

Like I mentioned in the beginning 

We all get to tell the story of 2020

However we want 

It has been quite different 

I’ll tell you

You know 

Last year 

The word I choose for 2020

Was clarity 

And my story is revolving around that 

I for sure 

Got some clarity 

On what is important in my life

I got clarity on how some of the stories 

I’ve brought from my past 


At a subconscious level 

Still played into how I show up today 

And the only way I figured that out you guys

Is because I had to sit 

And feel some feelings 

That I have been avoiding 

And it wasn’t fun 

But it has totally allowed me 

To step into my next version 

Thats what I want for you

You to be able to process some of the emotions 

You are unwilling to fail 

In case you are acting confused right now 


Because our brain loves to be confused 

When we try new things 

I’m going to go out on a limb

And say a lot of you 

Don’t like to feel the feeling of rejection 

And that’s why you maybe 

People please a lot 


Maybe you don’t go after your dreams

Because you don’t want to fail

Or feel rejection 

What is so scary about rejection?

Do you even know?

My guess might be not so much 

Because you just keep 

Being busy 

And people pleasing 

Which is exhausting 

So you need the glass of wine at night 


Do you all see this?

Ok – so what if you were willing to feel rejection?

What would you attempt in 2021 

If you knew 

You would survive that feeling?

Because spoiler alert

Last I checked 

You can feel rejection 

And still survive 

I’m not saying its fun

I’m not saying its easy 

But where did we get the idea that life 

Is always supposed to be positive 

It’s 50/50 baby

We don’t know happy 

Unless we know sad 

The way we get to success 

Is from failing 

And learning 

Being afraid doesn’t mean 


It means 

You are right on track 

Keep going 

And I’ll share something 

I’m working on 

And have my clients working on 

We are setting an impossible goal for next year 

What would be your impossible goal?

It has to be measureable 

But also impossible 

It should scare you 

And then 

Each quarter 

We are working on 25 fails 


I love when my clients say 


25 fails ?


Yup – 

Sounds like fun right?


It’s going to be terrible 

But we will build resilience 

And we will learn 

And we will be a different version of ourself

This time next year 

And that my friends 

Will be fun 


Are you in?

You should totally join us 


For the month of December 

I am offering my group coaching and online program

At a discounted price 

Because I truly want to help more people

Learn these tools

They are the secret to the universe

If you ask me 

Go to 


For all the details on the program


Homework for the week

Pay attention to how you feel

Look at what you are thinking 

As you tell the story of 2020 

For the love of God

Take the energy you give to others 

And utilize it for yourself 

As you set your goals for 2021

You totally got this 

Feel free to reach out on the socials 

And Let me know what you need most

That ’s what I have for you today 

Let’s circle back next week

But for now

Stay safe 

And make it a great day 

Take care!

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