Ep 111 The Importance of Feeling Feelings
Episode notes:
Join me today as I talk about the importance of feeling your feelings. You always get to tell the story of how any year ends – and this work is especially important this year. As we reflect on the year and look towards 2021 – and new goals – what are you not willing to feel? You must be willing to feel all if it – including rejection – as you reach for your wildest dreams – listen today to learn more about how to end this year in a way that is useful – and get ready for next.
In This Episode:
- Living unconsciously
- How are you? Really
- Avoiding feelings
- Resisting feelings
- Blame
- Wanting others to change
- Willingness to feel rejection
- Impossible goal for 2021
- www.michellebourquecoaching.com/course
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Episode Transcript:
Hello hello hello
Welcome back to the podcast friends
How are you today?
Stop
Think about that
It’s interesting right?
I mean
How often do we ask people how they are
And the answer is something like
Good
Really?
What does that even mean honestly?
And on the flip side
I think sometimes as we ask
We just expect
Good as the answer
And half pay attention
unless..lol..
You throw a zinger in there
I think I told you this story before
But one time when I had my niece down
We went to the grocery store
And I told her to watch what was going to happen
You know
They already think I’m crazy aunt Michelle
So they are up for it
And when the cashier asked how are you
I was like
AMAZING
And her face
Was so funny
Because she was just ringing the stuff you know
But afterwards
It was a fun conversation
With my niece about how people
Just get into the routine of asking
And I for sure have been guilty of this too
I remember years ago
Before coaching and all the tools I have now
For the record..lol..
I met a patient for the first time
Now keep in mind-
I work with patients in pain
And I said something like
Hi – I’m Michelle
I’ll be working with you
How are you?
And this lady looked at me
And said
How do you think I am
I’m here for this
I was like
yes…
Good point
But really –
Stop and think about it
How are you today?
You guys
Its the end of 2020
It’s the holiday season
We might be going back into shutdown
It’s ok
To not be ok sometimes
And I think that is important to recognize
Listen
At the end of this year
And honestly every year
But I think this year is a great opportunity to see
We get to tell the story of how we came out of it
So some of you might say it has been a dumpster fire
Some may say your business took off
Some are saying it has been high anxiety
Some may say its been a year of building resilience
The truth is
You get to tell it however you want
And there is no right or wrong answer
But I’ll tell you what doesn’t work
And I know because I’ve done it for years
Trying to avoid
Or escape your feelings
Trying to blame others or external circumstances
Trying to resist the feelings
And trying to just change them to positive ones
Check
Check
Check
I’ve done it all
So what do I mean by avoiding or escaping?
This might look like
Needing a glass of wine at night to relax
Eating the warm chocolate chip cookie from Panera
Because you are stressed from work
I have to say .. .i
t has been a long time since I had a warm chocolate chip cookie from Panera
Or
Maybe even working more and more to stay busy
So you don’t have to feel
But it’s interesting to note
None of those escapes
Actually change what’s going on at the core
In fact
Often times it leads to another layer
Of judgement that we like to put on ourselves
It sure is fascinating what we do to yourselves
Thinking if we beat ourselves up enough
Then we will get it “right”
Craziness
When I say Blaming others for how we feel
I mean – any external circumstance
So maybe it’s Covid
Or your spouse
Or lately –
I have been talking to a number of people
Who are blaming their jobs for how they feel
Here is the thing about that friends
The new blame all the external sources
They means they have to change
Or we have to leave
In order to feel better
It doesn’t work that way
To begin with
They do not change
I promise you
If I had that figured out
I would tell you
I’m mean
What in the actual hell?
You know that saying
Give it the old college try
Which honestly
I’m not even sure I entirely know what that means
But I feel like
If trying to change others was something to do with college
I would be at like
The doctorate level
It just doesn’t work
Think of how hard it is for us to change ourselves?
AND
You know what I found as the added layer of fun in these instances?
Feeling like a failure
When I’m not able to change them
I really want you all to think about this
Because I know I’m not the only one
You are a high achieving gal
And You know what is best right?
Lol…
Pay attention to where you hand your power over
To the external circumstances
It’s not the job
that is stressing you my friend
It is what you are thinking about it
And that’s just good to know
Because now you have the power
To decide
Maybe you want to keep thinking the thoughts
Totally cool
If they are useful
But if they are not
How do you want to think about it
On purspose
So you can make your next decision
From a more powerful feeling
And that is the thing here
For all of you
The reason it is so important
To even know what you are feeling
Is because
Our feelings drive our actions
And our actions get us our results in life
And The results you have now
Come from your thinking
That cause those feelings
You with me ?
It’s the thought model in process
And listen
I know you are busy
I get it
But I really want to encourage you
to stop with the busy for just a bit of time this week
And pay attention
To what you are feeling
And what you are thinking
I like to take this time of year
To do some reflection on this year
And
I’m working on setting goals now
For next year
And I want to go into 2021
Feeling committed to those goals.
But first
I want to close out 2020
And you know what
Like I mentioned in the beginning
We all get to tell the story of 2020
However we want
It has been quite different
I’ll tell you
You know
Last year
The word I choose for 2020
Was clarity
And my story is revolving around that
I for sure
Got some clarity
On what is important in my life
I got clarity on how some of the stories
I’ve brought from my past
Have
At a subconscious level
Still played into how I show up today
And the only way I figured that out you guys
Is because I had to sit
And feel some feelings
That I have been avoiding
And it wasn’t fun
But it has totally allowed me
To step into my next version
Thats what I want for you
You to be able to process some of the emotions
You are unwilling to fail
In case you are acting confused right now
Lol
Because our brain loves to be confused
When we try new things
I’m going to go out on a limb
And say a lot of you
Don’t like to feel the feeling of rejection
And that’s why you maybe
People please a lot
OR
Maybe you don’t go after your dreams
Because you don’t want to fail
Or feel rejection
What is so scary about rejection?
Do you even know?
My guess might be not so much
Because you just keep
Being busy
And people pleasing
Which is exhausting
So you need the glass of wine at night
Lol
Do you all see this?
Ok – so what if you were willing to feel rejection?
What would you attempt in 2021
If you knew
You would survive that feeling?
Because spoiler alert
Last I checked
You can feel rejection
And still survive
I’m not saying its fun
I’m not saying its easy
But where did we get the idea that life
Is always supposed to be positive
It’s 50/50 baby
We don’t know happy
Unless we know sad
The way we get to success
Is from failing
And learning
Being afraid doesn’t mean
Stop
It means
You are right on track
Keep going
And I’ll share something
I’m working on
And have my clients working on
We are setting an impossible goal for next year
What would be your impossible goal?
It has to be measureable
But also impossible
It should scare you
And then
Each quarter
We are working on 25 fails
lol..
I love when my clients say
what?
25 fails ?
Me
Yup –
Sounds like fun right?
No
It’s going to be terrible
But we will build resilience
And we will learn
And we will be a different version of ourself
This time next year
And that my friends
Will be fun
So
Are you in?
You should totally join us
And
For the month of December
I am offering my group coaching and online program
At a discounted price
Because I truly want to help more people
Learn these tools
They are the secret to the universe
If you ask me
Go to
michellebourquecoaching.com/course
For all the details on the program
So
Homework for the week
Pay attention to how you feel
Look at what you are thinking
As you tell the story of 2020
For the love of God
Take the energy you give to others
And utilize it for yourself
As you set your goals for 2021
You totally got this
Feel free to reach out on the socials
And Let me know what you need most
That ’s what I have for you today
Let’s circle back next week
But for now
Stay safe
And make it a great day
Take care!