Ep 109 Vulnerability Hangover
Episode Notes:
Join me today as I discuss the idea of a vulnerability hangover. The first thing to know if you experience this is – nothing has gone wrong. This hangover is a sign of growth – one part of the process as you move towards growth. Listen today as I talk about how this came up for me recently, what you can do when you have one and how to keep going.
In this episode:
* Brene Brown – concept of Vulnerability Hangover
* My recent hangover
* What to do when you experience a vulnerability hangover
* Moving towards discomfort of growth
* Remaining in discomfort of status quo
* Marianne Williamson – Your greatest fear
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Episode Transcript:
Hello hello hello
Welcome back to the podcast friends
Happy Thanksgiving!
What is going on in your world?
I would love to know
if you are actually listening on Thanksgiving –
Are we cooking together?
Let’s do this
Let’s have fun
I mean – seriously
why do we do any of this
if it isn’t fun?
So
Take a picture of where
Or how
You are listening and tag me
I want to say Happy Thanksgiving to you on the socials!
Let’s do IG
Michellebourquecoaching
I can’t wait to see
I always wonder where you listen
Like on a walk
Or cleaning your garage lol
I think someone once told me that’s where they were listening
I’m usually driving when I listen to podcasts
So be careful –
we don’t need a picture causing any accidents
But today – Thanksgiving
I am not driving
You know Marc and I have been saying we were ahead
Of this trend
Of having to keep thanksgiving small this year
Since the year we got married
We just do thanksgiving the two of us
Well – and of course whatever pups we’ve had along the way
Its so simple
So nice to just enjoy
And be grateful
for all that we do have right?
Being able to focus your brain on that is so important
And speaking of your brain
Let’s dive into todays topic
Vulnerability hangovers
Now – especially after Thanksgiving you might have an idea of what
A hangover is..lol
You might have a food hangover
Or a hangover hangover
And I’m going to guess if you don’t have one after Thanksgiving
You at least
You have an idea of what I’m talking about there right?
But have you heard of a vulnerability hangover?
I have to be honest
I’ve mostly heard about it through other people
But recently I was talking to my coach
About some things going on
and she said
Oh – vulnerability hangover –
it’s good – it means you are in growth mode.
So – I wanted to share with you today what it means
And maybe some tips to keep moving forward
Ok –
So here is what was going on for me recently
And I want you to listen to think about
If you experienced anything like this
Because the truth is
Having one doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong
But it was super helpful to just recognize it for what it was
And I could stop thinking something was going wrong
Recently I put myself out there for work
I have a new goal
And
I told people about it
And at the time
I was feeling so good about all of it
I think it helped that the week was full of
Presentations and different opportunities
And I had some great coaching clients
Like totally in the high of this is so fun
And I want to do more of all of it
And then
A few days later
I noticed the thoughts
What was I thinking?
I’m not good enough
I should not have said anything
That was such a mistake
What will everyone think now
Sound familiar?
Yeah –
Some of the things I may
Or may not have said
After one too many glasses of Wine back in the day right?
The vulnerability hangover
Usually comes
From us framing the situation
In the worst possible way
See –
When we share intimate parts of our life
And that can be saying things
Like
we want to go for a promotion
Or being honest with a loved one
about feelings
Putting yourself out there
Being vulnerable
But then feeling the doubt and regret
This idea kinda just goes along
With anxiety and doubt right?
It doens’ t mean anything has gone wrong
It just means we are trying new things
And remember
Our brain likes to work on the motivational triad
To avoid pain
Seek pleasure
And be as comfortable as possible
So when you are stretching for a new goal
Of course your brain
And my brain
Wants to tell us
We shouldn’t do it
Stay where you are
You know you are good here
You might fail
And that would be death
I mean really
Stop and think about this
Let’s say you are going for a promotion
What is the worse case scenario?
Maybe you don’t get it
Ok ….
So you end up in your same position
Where you are now
lol.. so in some aspect
You are already in worse case scenario
Or ….
Are you?
Maybe worse case scenario is
You don’t ever put yourself out there
To see what is possible
You guys
When you stay safe
Which again, is what your habit brain wants to tell you to do
But when you do that
You fail ahead of time
You don’t even give yourself the opportunity
To learn
To grow
To evolve
And as humans
At our core
We do want to evolve
The choice is
Feel the pain and discomfort
Of going for something new
Having the doubt
Having the anxiety
Or
You stay in the discomfort
Of feeling like you are stuck in your life
You get to choose
And listen
Something like a vulnesrabitliy hangover
Doesn’t last forever
Its just part of the process to grow
But living a life you are not happy with
Day after day
That discomfort my friend
Will last as long as you stay there
So what can you do?
First
Just be compassionate
Feeling this way doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong
It actually means keep going
And get curious
What are the thoughts that are causing the anxiety
Or doubt
I shared some of mine with you
But its more important for you to get clear
On what they are for you
And write them down
Because when we get them on paper
We can see they are simply sentences
They are not who we are
And lastly
remember why you want to keep going
You have a purpose right?
Remind yourself what that is
We don’t fulfill our biggest purpose
By playing small friends
And I want you to consider this quote
From Marianne Williamson
Its so good
“Our deepest free is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is
That we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light,
Not our darkness
That most frights us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I do be brilliant,
gorgeous,
talented
and fabulous?
Actually , who are you not to be?
Remember that friends
You are all of the above
Let’s share it
So we can really make that ripple effect
On the world
Ok
Thats what I have for you today
Let’s circle back next week
But for now
Stay healthy
And make it a great day
Take care!