Ep 109 Vulnerability Hangover

Episode Notes:

Join me today as I discuss the idea of a vulnerability hangover.  The first thing to know if you experience this is – nothing has gone wrong.  This hangover is a sign of growth – one part of the process as you move towards growth.  Listen today as I talk about how this came up for me recently, what you can do when you have one and how to keep going.  

In this episode:

* Brene Brown – concept of Vulnerability Hangover 

* My recent hangover

* What to do when you experience a vulnerability hangover 

* Moving towards discomfort of growth

* Remaining in discomfort of status quo

* Marianne Williamson – Your greatest fear 

 

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Episode Transcript:

Hello hello hello 

Welcome back to the podcast friends 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

What is going on in your world? 

I would love to know 

if you are actually listening on Thanksgiving – 

Are we cooking together?

Let’s do this 

Let’s have fun 

I mean – seriously 

why do we do any of this

 if it isn’t fun? 

So 

Take a picture of where 

Or how 

You are listening and tag me 

I want to say Happy Thanksgiving to you on the socials! 

Let’s do IG 

Michellebourquecoaching 

I can’t wait to see 

I always wonder where you listen 

Like on a walk 

Or cleaning your garage lol 

I think someone once told me that’s where they were listening 

I’m usually driving when I listen to podcasts

So be careful – 

we don’t need a picture causing any accidents 

But today – Thanksgiving 

I am not driving 

You know Marc and I have been saying we were ahead 

Of this trend 

Of having to keep thanksgiving small this year

Since the year we got married

We just do thanksgiving the two of us

Well – and of course whatever pups we’ve had along the way

Its so simple

So nice to just enjoy 

And be grateful 

for all that we do have right?

Being able to focus your brain on that is so important 

And speaking of your brain

Let’s dive into todays topic 

Vulnerability hangovers

Now – especially after Thanksgiving you might have an idea of what 

A hangover is..lol

You might have a food hangover 

Or a hangover hangover 

And I’m going to guess if you don’t have one after Thanksgiving

You at least 

You have an idea of what I’m talking about there right?

But have you heard of a vulnerability hangover? 

I have to be honest 

I’ve mostly heard about it through other people 

But recently I was talking to my coach

About some things going on 

and she said 

Oh – vulnerability hangover – 

it’s good – it means you are in growth mode. 

So – I wanted to share with you today what it means 

And maybe some tips to keep moving forward 

Ok – 

So here is what was going on for me recently 

And I want you to listen to think about 

If you experienced anything like this

Because the truth is 

Having one doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong

But it was super helpful to just recognize it for what it was 

And I could stop thinking something was going wrong 

Recently I put myself out there for work 

I have a new goal

And 

I told people about it 

And at the time 

I was feeling so good about all of it

I think it helped that the week was full of 

Presentations and different opportunities 

And I had some great coaching clients 

Like totally in the high of this is so fun

And I want to do more of all of it 

And then 

A few days later 

I noticed the thoughts 

What was I thinking?

I’m not good enough

I should not have said anything 

That was such a mistake 

What will everyone think now 

Sound familiar?

Yeah –

Some of the things I may 

Or may not have said 

After one too many glasses of Wine back in the day right?

The vulnerability hangover 

Usually comes 

From us framing the situation 

In the worst possible way 

See –

When we share intimate parts of our life 

And that can be saying things 

Like 

we want to go for a promotion 

Or being honest with a loved one 

about feelings 

Putting yourself out there

Being vulnerable 

But then feeling the doubt and regret 

This idea kinda just goes along 

With anxiety and doubt right?

It doens’ t mean anything has gone wrong 

It just means we are trying new things 

And remember 

Our brain likes to work on the motivational triad 

To avoid pain

Seek pleasure 

And be as comfortable as possible 

So when you are stretching for a new goal

Of course your brain 

And my brain

Wants to tell us 

We shouldn’t do it

Stay where you are 

You know you are good here

You might fail

And that would be death 

I mean really 

Stop and think about this 

Let’s say you are going for a promotion 

What is the worse case scenario?

Maybe you don’t get it 

Ok ….

So you end up in your same position 

Where you are now 

lol.. so in some aspect 

You are already in worse case scenario

Or ….

Are you?

Maybe worse case scenario is 

You don’t ever put yourself out there 

To see what is possible 

You guys

When you stay safe 

Which again, is what your habit brain wants to tell you to do

But when you do that 

You fail ahead of time 

You don’t even give yourself the opportunity 

To learn 

To grow 

To evolve 

And as humans

At our core 

We do want to evolve 

The choice is 

Feel the pain and discomfort 

Of going for something new 

Having the doubt 

Having the anxiety 

Or 

You stay in the discomfort 

Of feeling like you are stuck in your life 

You get to choose 

And listen 

Something like a vulnesrabitliy hangover 

Doesn’t last forever 

Its just part of the process to grow 

But living a life you are not happy with 

Day after day 

That discomfort my friend

Will last as long as you stay there 

So what can you do?

First 

Just be compassionate 

Feeling this way doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong 

It actually means keep going 

And get curious 

What are the thoughts that are causing the anxiety 

Or doubt

I shared some of mine with you

But its more important for you to get clear 

On what they are for you

And write them down

Because when we get them on paper

We can see they are simply sentences 

They are not who we are 

And lastly 

remember why you want to keep going 

You have a purpose right?

Remind yourself what that is 

We don’t fulfill our biggest purpose 

By playing small friends 

And I want you to consider this quote 

From Marianne Williamson

Its so good 

“Our deepest free is not that we are inadequate.  

Our deepest fear is 

That we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, 

Not our darkness 

That most frights us.  

We ask ourselves, 

who am I do be brilliant, 

gorgeous, 

talented 

and fabulous?

Actually , who are you not to be?

Remember that friends 

You are all of the above 

Let’s share it 

So we can really make that ripple effect 

On the world 

Ok 

Thats what I have for you today 

Let’s circle back next week

But for now 

Stay healthy 

And make it a great day 

Take care!