Ep 108 Thanksgiving Madness: Family & Food

Episode notes:

Join me today as I discuss two important factors during the Thanksgiving – Family, and Food.  This holiday provides us with a great opportunity to look at some important concepts around thinking how other family members should act, how they should be different, and how they make us feel.  I also want to discuss your thinking around food – and if those thoughts are useful as you move forward.  Society has taught us food is love, food is family… but what if that isn’t entirely true?  The tools I share today can change everything for you this year.  Listen now.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Family dynamics during the holidays 
• Allowing people to be themselves 
• Owning your feelings 
• Food: love, family, fuel?
• Plan in advance or drop the judgement 
• Gratutide    
• Work with me – www.michellebourquecoaching.com/guide

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Episode Transcript:

Hello hello hello –

What’s going friends?  

Listen – I have a question for you 

lol..

I want to know where you fall on this 

Are you one of those crazies I see with your Christmas tree up already?

lol..

Or are you getting ready for Thanksgiving next week?

It’s funny – Marc recently asked me 

Are we skipping Thanksgiving this year?

I’m like – what?  Covid can’t cancel Thanksgiving 

He’s like – no – everything is already Christmas 

I mean, I guess for the past few years it starts around Halloween right?

But I just feel like this year the trees are way earlier 

And I guess 

The truth is 

This year – one never knows

Which 

Even as I say that 

Did we ever know?

No

We just thought we did 

Interesting to note right?

Ok 

So let’s dive in 

Because today I do want to talk to you 

About a few things in preparation of Thanksgiving 

I mean 

As much as I would love to think you will be popping me in

As soon as next weeks episode is released 

My guess is 

You do have some plans for the holiday 

And I might not be right at the top of this list

So – we chat about this today 

To help you next week

And listen 

The concepts I talk about today 

Are ones you can use everyday in life

But I think this week will provide a number of examples 

For us to use 

So let’s dive in 

The first thing I want to discuss is 

Dealing with family 

I knew this guy 

Who used to say 

His family put the fun 

In dysfunctional..lol.

I have a feeling 

some of you may relate lol

Please pass the platter of blame 

right? 

It is fascinating how the holidays 

Can bring up so much 

And this year 

Yikes 

Add politics 

And Covid 

Lots of different thoughts going on 

Lots of different feelings 

But here is the most important thing I want to share with you on this topic

They 

Do not make you feel any of it 

Here’s what I mean 

You may think 

Things like 

My mother drives me crazy when she says certain things

Or 

My brother in law is so frustrating when he has no idea what he is talking about 

Take a moment and think about who it is for you 

And what they do 

That you think 

Causes you that feeling

Got it?

Ok 

It’s not true 

And here is the good news 

They don’t cause you any feeling 

You cause it by what you are thinking about them 

Most of the time the thought is something like

They shouldn’t say that 

They shouldn’t act that way 

They should be different 

They should think more like me 

So mom says some crazy thing 

And for the record 

I’m not talking about my mom here ..lol.

Let’s think about the thought model here 

The circumstance is 

Mom said words 

Put those exact words in the circumstance line 

And let me pause 

If you are new to the podcast 

You might be thinking 

What is she talking about thought model 

Its the tool we use 

The secret to the universe in my opinion 

To see how we create all our results in life 

You can check out episode 49 

The self coaching model

For more details

But I’m sure if you stay with me here for now 

You will get the idea of it’s importance

Ok 

So the circumstance is 

Mom said words 

Now 

What is your thought about it 

You might think 

Well – I’m sure you have a lot of thoughts about the words 

But I think we can go with 

She is out of her mind 

And you feel frustrated 

And then 

What do you do?

My guess is 

You ruminate about how she should be different 

Try to tell her how she doesn’t get it 

Talk to other family members about how frustrating she is 

And the result of actions like that 

You are out of your mind right?

But look –

It’s not because she said those words 

It’s because 

You think when she says them she is out of her mind 

Here’s how you know 

Let’s keep the circumstance the same 

Mom says the same words 

But your sibling thinks

Something like

Oh, that’s just mom being mom 

And feels more 

Let’s say 

Light hearted 

When you are feeling more light hearted 

Because you think it’s mom being mom 

What actions might you take?

Well, my guess is 

You just go about your business

Enjoy your time with everyone there 

Move on 

And what is the result 

You are just being you 

Nice how that works too right?

Lol

You do you 

Mom does mom 

See the difference in the thoughts

And how they bring different results?

It’s everything you guys 

We give our power to so many other people in life 

Thinking they make us feel a certain way 

But the problem with that is 

That means they 

Have to change in order for us to feel better 

How’s that going for you?

lol.

I mean listen 

It’s hard enough for us to do this work and change ourselves 

Let’s not give others the job

Of making us feel better 

They usually aren’t great at it 

And it really does depend on us 

It is so funny right?

Most of us are pretty close to control freaks in life 

And I mean that with the utmost respect..lol.

Take one to know one 

So we want to control so many things in our lives

And yet 

We don’t take full control of owning our feelings 

Something to start paying attention to 

Because when you own it 

You can change it 

Ok 

Let’s move from family 

To food 

One of the top downloaded podcasts here 

Was episode 69 on weightloss 

So I want to touch on some concepts here 

Food is an interesting thing in our society isn’t it?

We have been socialized to think things like

Food is love 

Food is family 

So 

Food during the holidays 

Must be more right?

I mean 

I wasn’t a math major 

But if the holidays means family 

And love for you 

And food is love and family 

It must mean more food

Is more love 

So messed up isn’t it?

Food is not family or love

I mean 

We can keep it as real as we want here 

Food is stuff you put in your mouth 

It either gets used as fuel 

Sits on your butt

Or 

goes out that area 

right?

Sometimes I can’t even take myself 

Marc really is a lucky guy isn’t he?

I laugh 

But you guys this is important 

For a couple of reasons

1. If you are trying to lose weight 

You have to pay attention to what you think about food 

Do you make it mean something more than it is?

And also 

During the holidays 

A handy tool to use 

Is to plan ahead 

To first see what you are thinking about all of the food

Next decide what you want to think about it

And then plan what you want to eat in advance 

That way 

It’s not just a free for all

And listen

If you want to plan for it to be a free for all 

I am all in 

But then don’t beat yourself up about it afterwards 

Own it 

You choose to eat what you wanted to

And then you decide what is next 

Drop the judgement 

It makes all the difference 

And 

On the other side 

Let’s say you are choosing to either not eat so much

Or maybe 

Modifying some things at dinner 

Perhaps cauliflower mashed potatoes instead of 

Regular potatoes 

Know that other people 

might be judging you 

And by might 

I mean 

Likely are lol.

This happens to us all the time 

My sister and sister in law 

Always have thoughts about what we eat 

Or don’t eat 

And that’s ok right 

You listened to the start of this episode right?

People get to have thoughts 

That are different from ours 

I know as humans we want to all feel like we belong 

And sometimes eating differently 

Feels like you are going outside of the group 

But if you are ok with that 

For the reasons you are choosing 

That’s the magic 

Ok 

Speaking of magic

I really do think 

The magic of this holiday 

Is in the time people take to talk about 

Gratitude 

And I think 

Infusing more gratitude 

In 

Every 

Single 

Day 

Is everything 

You know 

It’s kinda hard to be angry 

And grateful 

At the same time 

So where in your everyday life 

Can you be grateful

Yes , even in 2020

We can find a lot of things to be grateful for 

We just have to look around 

I don’t even care if it is clean drinking water 

When you start looking and finding more abundance 

You know what you get?

Even more abundance 

So get searching 

And let me know what you find 

I for one 

Am so grateful to have you here 

It’s so much fun to see more and more people finding us here 

So please share the podcast if you find it helpful

We are making a difference friends 

Let’s keep going 

Ok 

That’s what I have for you today 

I wish you the healthiest of holidays 

Stay safe 

And make it a great day 

Take care!