Ep 108 Thanksgiving Madness: Family & Food
Episode notes:
Join me today as I discuss two important factors during the Thanksgiving – Family, and Food. This holiday provides us with a great opportunity to look at some important concepts around thinking how other family members should act, how they should be different, and how they make us feel. I also want to discuss your thinking around food – and if those thoughts are useful as you move forward. Society has taught us food is love, food is family… but what if that isn’t entirely true? The tools I share today can change everything for you this year. Listen now.
IN THIS EPISODE:
- Family dynamics during the holidays
- Allowing people to be themselves
- Owning your feelings
- Food: love, family, fuel?
- Plan in advance or drop the judgement
- Gratutide
- Work with me – www.michellebourquecoaching.com/guide
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Episode Transcript:
Hello hello hello –
What’s going friends?
Listen – I have a question for you
lol..
I want to know where you fall on this
Are you one of those crazies I see with your Christmas tree up already?
lol..
Or are you getting ready for Thanksgiving next week?
It’s funny – Marc recently asked me
Are we skipping Thanksgiving this year?
I’m like – what? Covid can’t cancel Thanksgiving
He’s like – no – everything is already Christmas
I mean, I guess for the past few years it starts around Halloween right?
But I just feel like this year the trees are way earlier
And I guess
The truth is
This year – one never knows
Which
Even as I say that
Did we ever know?
No
We just thought we did
Interesting to note right?
Ok
So let’s dive in
Because today I do want to talk to you
About a few things in preparation of Thanksgiving
I mean
As much as I would love to think you will be popping me in
As soon as next weeks episode is released
My guess is
You do have some plans for the holiday
And I might not be right at the top of this list
So – we chat about this today
To help you next week
And listen
The concepts I talk about today
Are ones you can use everyday in life
But I think this week will provide a number of examples
For us to use
So let’s dive in
The first thing I want to discuss is
Dealing with family
I knew this guy
Who used to say
His family put the fun
In dysfunctional..lol.
I have a feeling
some of you may relate lol
Please pass the platter of blame
right?
It is fascinating how the holidays
Can bring up so much
And this year
Yikes
Add politics
And Covid
Lots of different thoughts going on
Lots of different feelings
But here is the most important thing I want to share with you on this topic
They
Do not make you feel any of it
Here’s what I mean
You may think
Things like
My mother drives me crazy when she says certain things
Or
My brother in law is so frustrating when he has no idea what he is talking about
Take a moment and think about who it is for you
And what they do
That you think
Causes you that feeling
Got it?
Ok
It’s not true
And here is the good news
They don’t cause you any feeling
You cause it by what you are thinking about them
Most of the time the thought is something like
They shouldn’t say that
They shouldn’t act that way
They should be different
They should think more like me
So mom says some crazy thing
And for the record
I’m not talking about my mom here ..lol.
Let’s think about the thought model here
The circumstance is
Mom said words
Put those exact words in the circumstance line
And let me pause
If you are new to the podcast
You might be thinking
What is she talking about thought model
Its the tool we use
The secret to the universe in my opinion
To see how we create all our results in life
You can check out episode 49
The self coaching model
For more details
But I’m sure if you stay with me here for now
You will get the idea of it’s importance
Ok
So the circumstance is
Mom said words
Now
What is your thought about it
You might think
Well – I’m sure you have a lot of thoughts about the words
But I think we can go with
She is out of her mind
And you feel frustrated
And then
What do you do?
My guess is
You ruminate about how she should be different
Try to tell her how she doesn’t get it
Talk to other family members about how frustrating she is
And the result of actions like that
You are out of your mind right?
But look –
It’s not because she said those words
It’s because
You think when she says them she is out of her mind
Here’s how you know
Let’s keep the circumstance the same
Mom says the same words
But your sibling thinks
Something like
Oh, that’s just mom being mom
And feels more
Let’s say
Light hearted
When you are feeling more light hearted
Because you think it’s mom being mom
What actions might you take?
Well, my guess is
You just go about your business
Enjoy your time with everyone there
Move on
And what is the result
You are just being you
Nice how that works too right?
Lol
You do you
Mom does mom
See the difference in the thoughts
And how they bring different results?
It’s everything you guys
We give our power to so many other people in life
Thinking they make us feel a certain way
But the problem with that is
That means they
Have to change in order for us to feel better
How’s that going for you?
lol.
I mean listen
It’s hard enough for us to do this work and change ourselves
Let’s not give others the job
Of making us feel better
They usually aren’t great at it
And it really does depend on us
It is so funny right?
Most of us are pretty close to control freaks in life
And I mean that with the utmost respect..lol.
Take one to know one
So we want to control so many things in our lives
And yet
We don’t take full control of owning our feelings
Something to start paying attention to
Because when you own it
You can change it
Ok
Let’s move from family
To food
One of the top downloaded podcasts here
Was episode 69 on weightloss
So I want to touch on some concepts here
Food is an interesting thing in our society isn’t it?
We have been socialized to think things like
Food is love
Food is family
So
Food during the holidays
Must be more right?
I mean
I wasn’t a math major
But if the holidays means family
And love for you
And food is love and family
It must mean more food
Is more love
So messed up isn’t it?
Food is not family or love
I mean
We can keep it as real as we want here
Food is stuff you put in your mouth
It either gets used as fuel
Sits on your butt
Or
goes out that area
right?
Sometimes I can’t even take myself
Marc really is a lucky guy isn’t he?
I laugh
But you guys this is important
For a couple of reasons
- If you are trying to lose weight
You have to pay attention to what you think about food
Do you make it mean something more than it is?
And also
During the holidays
A handy tool to use
Is to plan ahead
To first see what you are thinking about all of the food
Next decide what you want to think about it
And then plan what you want to eat in advance
That way
It’s not just a free for all
And listen
If you want to plan for it to be a free for all
I am all in
But then don’t beat yourself up about it afterwards
Own it
You choose to eat what you wanted to
And then you decide what is next
Drop the judgement
It makes all the difference
And
On the other side
Let’s say you are choosing to either not eat so much
Or maybe
Modifying some things at dinner
Perhaps cauliflower mashed potatoes instead of
Regular potatoes
Know that other people
might be judging you
And by might
I mean
Likely are lol.
This happens to us all the time
My sister and sister in law
Always have thoughts about what we eat
Or don’t eat
And that’s ok right
You listened to the start of this episode right?
People get to have thoughts
That are different from ours
I know as humans we want to all feel like we belong
And sometimes eating differently
Feels like you are going outside of the group
But if you are ok with that
For the reasons you are choosing
That’s the magic
Ok
Speaking of magic
I really do think
The magic of this holiday
Is in the time people take to talk about
Gratitude
And I think
Infusing more gratitude
In
Every
Single
Day
Is everything
You know
It’s kinda hard to be angry
And grateful
At the same time
So where in your everyday life
Can you be grateful
Yes , even in 2020
We can find a lot of things to be grateful for
We just have to look around
I don’t even care if it is clean drinking water
When you start looking and finding more abundance
You know what you get?
Even more abundance
So get searching
And let me know what you find
I for one
Am so grateful to have you here
It’s so much fun to see more and more people finding us here
So please share the podcast if you find it helpful
We are making a difference friends
Let’s keep going
Ok
That’s what I have for you today
I wish you the healthiest of holidays
Stay safe
And make it a great day
Take care!