Ep 105 Exploring Self Identities
Episode Notes:
Join me today as we explore the importance of your self identity – past, present and future. What you believe about yourself creates the results you have in your life. Listen today as we discuss the importance of knowing how your past effects you today, what you think of yourself in the moment, and how to create your future self. Such fun!
In This Episode:
- The masks we wear in life
- Your past self identity
- Re-writing your past
- Your current self identity
- Your future self
- Martha Beck – Your Spot it You Got it
- Benjamin Hardy – Personality Isn’t Permanent
- Your big dreams vs lesser goals
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Episode Transcript
Hello hello hello
Welcome back to the podcast friends
What is going on in your world?
Halloween is just around the corner
Oh – Marc was just reading me something from online that said
Something like
Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year?
I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for the last 7 months now,
I don’t think I need a day dedicated to it anymore..lol
I have to say –
I don’t love Halloween
I think I blame mom for always making me wear my coat
Over my costume
I mean
What is the point if no-one could see it right? Lol
Although – I do like when the little kids show up at our door
Well… minus the do going crazy..lol..
Oh – and do you want to hear something funny
Our neighbors
They were new last year
And they go all out for Halloween
I used to say I wasn’t a competitive person
But I am ..lol.
I mean I guess when you have a goal each day to beat GPS
That might be an issue..lol..
You should’ve seen me last year with the neighbors
Getting the mums and pumpkins like never before
But this year
I just said they win ..lol.
They do lights and lawn ornaments
And all sorts of crazy
And I
Just did a lot of self coaching ..lol.
Anyhow
As I was thinking of this weeks podcast
And masks
And pretending to be things we are not
Or
Not admitting to things we are
Like competitive ..lol
I thought it could be an interesting topic to explore
On how this shows up
In our daily lives
The identities we had in the past
The identities we currently believe in the present
And the identity we want for the future
Because they can all be different friends
Your personality is not permanent
I am currently taking a 30 day course
From Benjamin Hardy
On just that idea
Personality isn’t Permanent
It’s also the title of his book
Which was really good
So let’s dive in
To begin
I’m curious how much you even think
About what you think about
Yourself
I think for a lot of us
We just go through life thinking
This is just he way I am
right?
Or –
We hold on to old identities of ourselves
That don’t really serve us now
The first example for me that pops up
Is around my identity of being a fat kid
And
Not being picked
You know for like cheerleading ..lol.. another podcast ..lol..
Or the funny thing is
One of the memories that just came up
Was dodgeball
in elementary school
I mean lol.
I can’t imagine dodgeball
is even anything that is allowed these days
And to think
I was upset
for not being first picked
To stand up against a wall
And have a ball nailed in my direction
I mean really
Here is the thing
We are tribal by nature
We all want to belong
Back in the day
If we left the cave
And went off on our own
We might be killed by a saber tooth tiger
Now
That doesn’t tend to happen so much
But we still intrinsically want to belong
We don’t want to be left out
So lets think about your past identity
What are your thoughts about it?
For me
For the longest time
I had the fat kid mentality
Like
Don’t do anything too big
I’m not competitive
And with my clients I hear things like
I’ve never been able to do that in the past
It’s kinda funny what we do right?
We start doing this work
And we begin seeing new possibilities
Ones we never really even knew were out there
And we start dreaming bigger
But we look to our past
To create our future
It doesn’t work that way
I suggest you look to your past
To get clear on the stories and the baggage
you are bringing with you
in the current moment
You get to tell the story of your past any way your want
Your past does not have to determine your current identity
Or
A super fun thing to do is
If you have been telling yourself
a story about why you can’t do something today
Go back
And retell your past story
In a way that it was perfect for you
Now
I don’t mean go back and tell me the story changing your circumstances
I’ve had clients in the past try this
Like – well, I wouldn’t have married him …
I would’ve gone to a different school
or whatever for you
Don’t change any of the facts
Just change the part about how you were the victim
To how you are the hero
And how it all worked perfectly
For you to be who you are today
Got it?
Ok – so now lets look at the identity you have today
It’s fascinating because
I think our self identities
Are often really different from
How others identify us right?
Here’s what I mean
I used to have managers tell me I’m a leader
And for the longest time
I didn’t really believe that
I had the thought
I just want to do a really good job
And fly under the radar
What a boring thought right? lol..
Well – at least now that’s what I think of it
So what Is it for you?
Sometimes when I talk to clients
They tell me about
Other reps
As if they
The other reps
Are the successful ones
Like – truly
top caliber reps
But I like to stop and just think about that
Question it
What is top caliber?
What is successful
And then we use a tool I learned
And I think Martha Beck started
Martha Beck is a life coach
Who happens to be connected to Oprah
So you know she has somethign going on right? Lol
Anyhow
She talks about this concept
You spot it, you got it
The idea being
What you see in others
You already have within yourself
I use this with my clients now and
Years ago I tried it for myself
It’s pretty fascinating so I want to share it with you
Think about someone you admire
So for me I thought of a gal in my company
I thought she was so on top of her game
She won awards after awards and just seemed so together
So here’s what you do
Take 5 qualities you see in the other person
Maybe it’s
Sally is on top of her game
Sally is business savvy
Whatever it is you see in her
Write it down
Now
Go back
And write it down
In the first person
I am on top of my game
I am business savvy
And then
Get to work finding all the evidence
of how that is true In your life
Make sense?
It’s kinda like
When you buy a white car
And then you start seeing all the white cars
As if – wow
Everyone must have just bought white cars
No
They were always there
We just needed some awareness
To see them
So
It’s just are are more aware now
Watch what happens
Ok –
We talked a little about past identities
And a bit about where you are now
Lets explore the idea of future identities
I’m curious if you even take time to think about
What that is for you
Like
What do you want in your future?
Think about a goal
It could be money
A new house
A relationship
Just pick one
Hardy has a great quote in this course I’m taking
From Robert Brault
Its says
We are kept from our goal
Not by obstacles
But by a clear path to a lesser goal
I want you to really think about that
I’ll say it again for you to really listen to
We are kept from our goal
Not by obstacles
But by a clear path to a lesser goal
So maybe we have this really big dream
And we are not quite sure how to get to it
But
We are clear on how to get to some of the easier ones in life
And so we do that
And don’t continue on
I want to encourage you to get super clear
On what that big dream is
No listen to what I said there
Get clear on the big dream
That does not mean know the how
We don’t have to know the how just yet
What is the dream
And who will you be once you accomplish it?
What will you be wearing?
How will you feel?
What advice would you give to yourself today?
Knowing that you accomplished it?
Knowing that is all works out perfectly for you?
Here is the thing friends
We think we need to know the how
We think we need to
wait to feel amazing
Until we accomplish it
But what if that isn’t true?
What if
You have full permission to feel amazing today
With the understanding
It’s all going to work out
AND
You don’t have to know the how
I know
Crazy idea right?
Because we have been socialized to think
I will believe it when I see it
That’s so backwards
We have to start believing it now
So we take the actions we need to get there
And when one action doesn’t go as planned
We still believe in our future self
And take new actions
Because we are not set thinking we know the how
And it is only this possible way
We just keep taking actions
Whatever they may be
See the difference?
So often we sit around an wait to figure out the how
Or look to our past to tell us we haven’t ever been able to do it
And then we don’t do anything to act on our dreams
I’m saying
stop that craziness
Its not what gets you to the big dream
Thinking and feeling
Like its as good as done
Is what gets you going
And keeps you going
It’s so much fun to think of your future self identity
Try it out
I would love to know how it goes
Ok – friends listen
I have something to share with you
It’s actually great news
I changed my mind on the course and group program
I initially closed down enrollment last week
But we had our first call
And it was so much fun
And I know how much these tools help people
So for now
I’m actually going to do an open enrollment
Ongoing
I don’t want people to have to wait every 3 months to get it
So
For now – we are open and you can find more information at
michellebourquecoaching.com/course
Head there
Get all the info
And if you have any questions
Feel free to hit me up on the socials
IG, and Facebook – michellebourquecoaching
And linked in — Michelle Arnold Bourque
Ok – that’s what I have for you today
Lets circle back next week
But for now
Stay healthy
And make it great day
Take care!