Ep 105 Exploring Self Identities

Episode Notes:

Join me today as we explore the importance of your self identity – past, present and future.  What you believe about yourself creates the results you have in your life.  Listen today as we discuss the importance of knowing how your past effects you today,  what you think of yourself in the moment, and how to create your future self.  Such fun!

In This Episode:

• The masks we wear in life
• Your past self identity 
• Re-writing your past 
• Your current self identity 
• Your future self 
• Martha Beck – Your Spot it You Got it   
• Benjamin Hardy – Personality Isn’t Permanent 
• Your big dreams vs lesser goals

 

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Episode Transcript 

Hello hello hello 

Welcome back to the podcast friends 

What is going on in your world?

Halloween is just around the corner

Oh – Marc was just reading me something from online that said

Something like

Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year?

I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for the last 7 months now, 

I don’t think I need a day dedicated to it anymore..lol

I have to say –

I don’t love Halloween

I think I blame mom for always making me wear my coat 

Over my costume 

I mean

What is the point if no-one could see it right? Lol

Although – I do like when the little kids show up at our door

Well… minus the do going crazy..lol.. 

Oh – and do you want to hear something funny

Our neighbors 

They were new last year 

And they go all out for Halloween

I used to say I wasn’t a competitive person

But I am ..lol.

I mean I guess when you have a goal each day to beat GPS 

That might be an issue..lol.. 

You should’ve seen me last year with the neighbors 

Getting the mums and pumpkins like never before

But this year 

I just said they win ..lol.

They do lights and lawn ornaments 

And all sorts of crazy

And I 

Just did a lot of self coaching ..lol.

Anyhow 

As I was thinking of this weeks podcast 

And masks 

And pretending to be things we are not 

Or 

Not admitting to things we are 

Like competitive ..lol

I thought it could be an interesting topic to explore

On how this shows up 

In our daily lives 

The identities we had in the past 

The identities we currently believe in the present 

And the identity we want for the future 

Because they can all be different friends 

Your personality is not permanent 

I am currently taking a 30 day course

From Benjamin Hardy 

On just that idea

Personality isn’t Permanent

It’s also the title of his book

Which was really good

So let’s dive in

To begin

I’m curious how much you even think 

About what you think about 

Yourself

I think for a lot of us

We just go through life thinking 

This is just he way I am 

right?

Or –

We hold on to old identities of ourselves 

That don’t really serve us now 

The first example for me that pops up

Is around my identity of being a fat kid

And 

Not being picked 

You know for like cheerleading ..lol.. another podcast ..lol..

Or the funny thing is 

One of the memories that just came up 

Was dodgeball 

in elementary school

I mean lol.

I can’t imagine dodgeball 

is even anything that is allowed these days

And to think 

I was upset 

for not being first picked 

To stand up against a wall

And have a ball nailed in my direction 

I mean really 

Here is the thing 

We are tribal by nature

We all want to belong 

Back in the day 

If we left the cave 

And went off on our own 

We might be killed by a saber tooth tiger

Now 

That doesn’t tend to happen so much

But we still intrinsically want to belong 

We don’t want to be left out 

So lets think about your past identity 

What are your thoughts about it?

For me 

For the longest time 

I had the fat kid mentality 

Like 

Don’t do anything too big 

I’m not competitive 

And with my clients I hear things like 

I’ve never been able to do that in the past 

It’s kinda funny what we do right?

We start doing this work 

And we begin seeing new possibilities 

Ones we never really even knew were out there 

And we start dreaming bigger 

But we look to our past 

To create our future 

It doesn’t work that way 

I suggest you look to your past 

To get clear on the stories and the baggage 

you are bringing with you 

in the current moment 

You get to tell the story of your past any way your want 

Your past does not have to determine your current identity 

Or 

A super fun thing to do is

If you have been telling yourself 

a story about why you can’t do something today 

Go back 

And retell your past story 

In a way that it was perfect for you 

Now 

I don’t mean go back and tell me the story changing your circumstances

I’ve had clients in the past try this 

Like – well, I wouldn’t have married him … 

I would’ve gone to a different school 

or whatever for you 

Don’t change any of the facts 

Just change the part about how you were the victim

To how you are the hero 

And how it all worked perfectly 

For you to be who you are today 

Got it?

Ok – so now lets look at the identity you have today 

It’s fascinating because 

I think our self identities 

Are often really different from 

How others identify us right?

Here’s what I mean

 I used to have managers tell me I’m a leader 

And for the longest time 

I didn’t really believe that 

I had the thought 

I just want to do a really good job

And fly under the radar 

What a boring thought right? lol..

Well – at least now that’s what I think of it

So what Is it for you?

Sometimes when I talk to clients 

They tell me about 

Other reps 

As if they 

The other reps 

Are the successful ones 

Like – truly 

top caliber reps 

But I like to stop and just think about that 

Question it 

What is top caliber?

What is successful 

And then we use a tool I learned 

And I think Martha Beck started 

Martha Beck is a life coach

Who happens to be connected to Oprah 

So you know she has somethign going on right? Lol

Anyhow 

She talks about this concept 

You spot it, you got it 

The idea being 

What you see in others 

You already have within yourself 

I use this with my clients now and 

Years ago I tried it for myself  

It’s pretty fascinating so I want to share it with you 

Think about someone you admire 

So for me I thought of a gal in my company 

I thought she was so on top of her game 

She won awards after awards and just seemed so together 

So here’s what you do 

Take 5 qualities you see in the other person

Maybe it’s 

Sally is on top of her game 

Sally is business savvy 

Whatever it is you see in her 

Write it down 

Now 

Go back 

And write it down 

In the first person

I am on top of my game 

I am business savvy 

And then 

Get to work finding all the evidence 

of how that is true In your life 

Make sense?

It’s kinda like 

When you buy a white car

And then you start seeing all the white cars 

As if – wow 

Everyone must have just bought white cars

No 

They were always there 

We just needed some awareness 

To see them 

So 

It’s just are are more aware now 

Watch what happens 

Ok –

We talked a little about past identities 

And a bit about where you are now 

Lets explore the idea of future identities 

I’m curious if you even take time to think about 

What that is for you

Like 

What do you want in your future?

Think about a goal

It could be money 

A new house 

A relationship 

Just pick one 

Hardy has a great quote in this course I’m taking 

From Robert Brault 

Its says 

We are kept from our goal

Not by obstacles 

But by a clear path to a lesser goal

I want you to really think about that 

I’ll say it again for you to really listen to 

We are kept from our goal

Not by obstacles 

But by a clear path to a lesser goal

So maybe we have this really big dream 

And we are not quite sure how to get to it 

But 

We are clear on how to get to some of the easier ones in life 

And so we do that 

And don’t continue on 

I want to encourage you to get super clear 

On what that big dream is

No listen to what I said there 

Get clear on the big dream

That does not mean know the how 

We don’t have to know the how just yet 

What is the dream 

And who will you be once you accomplish it?

What will you be wearing?

How will you feel?

What advice would you give to yourself today?

Knowing that you accomplished it?

Knowing that is all works out perfectly for you?

Here is the thing friends 

We think we need to know the how 

We think we need to 

wait to feel amazing 

Until we accomplish it 

But what if that isn’t true?

What if 

You have full permission to feel amazing today 

With the understanding 

It’s all going to work out 

AND 

You don’t have to know the how 

I know 

Crazy idea right?

Because we have been socialized to think 

I will believe it when I see it

That’s so backwards 

We have to start believing it now 

So we take the actions we need to get there 

And when one action doesn’t go as planned 

We still believe in our future self 

And take new actions 

Because we are not set thinking we know the how 

And it is only this possible way 

We just keep taking actions 

Whatever they may be 

See the difference?

So often we sit around an wait to figure out the how

Or look to our past to tell us we haven’t ever been able to do it 

And then we don’t do anything to act on our dreams 

I’m saying 

stop that craziness 

Its not what gets you to the big dream

Thinking and feeling 

Like its as good as done 

Is what gets you going 

And keeps you going 

It’s so much fun to think of your future self identity

Try it out 

I would love to know how it goes 

Ok – friends listen 

I have something to share with you 

It’s actually great news 

I changed my mind on the course and group program 

I initially closed down enrollment last week

But we had our first call

And it was so much fun 

And I know how much these tools help people 

So for now 

I’m actually going to do an open enrollment 

Ongoing 

I don’t want people to have to wait every 3 months to get it 

So 

For now – we are open and you can find more information at 

michellebourquecoaching.com/course 

Head there 

Get all the info 

And if you have any questions 

Feel free to hit me up on the socials 

IG, and Facebook – michellebourquecoaching 

And linked in — Michelle Arnold Bourque 

Ok – that’s what I have for you today 

Lets circle back next week

But for now 

Stay healthy 

And make it great day 

Take care!