Ep 102 Constraint and Discipline

In this episode:

• How constraining offers freedom to do more
• The importance of saying no
• Using discipline to become your next best version
• Mel Robbins 5 Second Rule 
• James Clear Atomic Habits 
• Waitlist for new course program for device reps to improve work-life integration and finally find life outside of work:  www.michellebourquecoaching.com/waitlist
•  

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Transcript Notes:

Hello hello hello 

How are you all doing today?

Oh my gosh 

What a night 

I have to tell you what happened to me

I was sitting at a dinner for work 

And 

I’m pretty sure one of the doctors 

Is the most worldly person I know 

Has traveled to places 

That if I’m keeping it real

I would likely not be able to show you where on a map..lol..

I am so geographically 

Directionally 

Whatever it is 

Challenged 

lol..

I’ll be honest

I’ve been known to get lost in a parking garage

For the record 

It was years ago 

And for the record 

I used to be afraid to drive highways 

In fact – I choose my college based 

On the fact I could get there with back roads

I know crazy right?

Look at me now 

I do all sorts of crazy driving

So let that be an example of what we talk about here

You are not your past

Do not look for evidence of being able to do new things

If you’ve never done them before

Think about it 

Where are you telling yourself you can’t do something 

Don’t believe your brain

You can do anything 

Ok – 

Let me get back to my original story 

So – I’m at dinner 

Outside due to Covid 

And I feel what I think is a bug on my shoulder

So I go to swipe it off

And instead I find

How do I say this..

Well – the remnants of a bird

Going to the bathroom on my shoulder

BUT 

The other people at dinner were still having 

Very intellectual conversation 

Discussing extraordinary places to visit

And there I am 

I just cant even….

Well – people tell me it is good luck

So I’m going with it 

One of those days..

We have them right?

I also talk about life being 50/50 

And we take the good and the bad

And as long as we aren’t spending our time 

Resisting the bad

We are ahead of the game

Ok – for todays podcast 

I actually want to discuss some concepts 

That I started thinking about from this dinner

And you know I love using real life examples 

So I thought it could be a perfect match

So let’s dive in

I want to discuss the idea of 

Constraint 

And Discipline 

Over the last 3 years 

I have really worked on 

Adopting the idea of constraint

Here’s what happens 

A lot of us 

Run around by the seat of our pants

Trying to take care of everything 

And do everything 

And put out all the fires 

And then wonder 

Why at the end of the day 

We feel like we have so many loose ends 

And don’t feel like we got anything we wanted to done

But the truth is 

We didn’t prioritize what we really wanted to do 

And we often times 

Have too many things that we think are important 

So 

I started taking certain areas of my life 

To constrain

And I know 

Sounds so 

Restrictive right?

But the truth is 

It can be so freeing 

When you say no to some things 

You are able to open up so many different opportunities 

AND you open brain space 

For new opportunities 

So let me use the example of food 

Stop and think about how much you think about food 

And I bet you might not even realize 

How often you think about it 

You know the conversation 

What do you want for dinner?

I don’t know 

What do you want?

I don’t know 

Well what do you feel like?

I don’t know what do you feel like?

And then the time to think about where to buy it 

What is needed 

Who is cooking 

And then 

Another part is 

All the thoughts about how you 

Shouldn’t have had what you had 

And self judgment 

And then hit repeat

Listen –

I know I’m not alone 

Because I’ve coached people on this 

And I’ve had it go on in my head 

So for me 

This is an area where I started constraining 

And I can not tell you 

How much time I got back in my life 

To take on more amazing opportunities 

But 

Here is the thing 

It can be kind uncomfortable to start 

Because we are a society 

Where we tell ourselves 

Things like 

Food is love 

And food is comfort 

And its what we do together 

And that is the work 

Being ok with that 

So when I go out to dinners 

I know I just get the caesar salad and grilled chicken 

Marc always laughs because sometimes I have the chance 

To go to some pretty great restaurants 

And he thinks its such a waste that I’m the one who gets to go …lol

To have a salad 

Even one of my physicians last night was like 

really?

A salad?

But I told him what I tell you 

It makes it so easy 

I don’t have to spend the time 

Looking at the menu

Pretending to be confused 

And wondering what I want 

I just go in 

Enjoy the conversation 

And already have the decision done 

I know 

For the foodie folks 

That might sounds horrifying …lol

But I can not tell you how much it has helped

And I do the same for lunch 

You guys know I just make my salads on Sunday 

Good to go for the week

No wasted time thinking, stopping, thinking I should’ve had something different 

It just opens up more brain space 

Give it a whirl 

Just start small

Where can you start constraining?

Saying no 

Will open up so many more yes’s for you 

And 

As we were talking 

We somehow got on the topic of 

Why I get up at 330am 

That’s for a different podcast ..lol.

But they said – you are so disciplined 

Now – I don’t think I normally would call myself that 

But its a super interesting idea to explore here

Because we all have self identifies right?

So I guess I have trained myself 

To just get up at that time 

And as I say that 

I do think I should do another podcast 

Because I used the 5 second rule 

That Mel Robbins discusses 

As the tool to do it 

So that can be helpful

But 

What I want to say is 

It doesn’t feel like a practice anymore 

It just feels like my identity 

I get up at 330

Vs 

I want to be able to get up at 330

And 

You can always change your identity 

Sometimes when I coach people 

They just say things like 

I don’t consider myself 

Insert whatever 

A leader 

A sales person 

Or 

I’ve never been able to do that 

Stop 

Catch yourself 

And what your brain is serving up 

Just because you haven’t 

Doesn’t mean you can’t 

What if you were a person who could do that 

I think James Clear talks about this in his book Atomic Habits 

The idea of you being 

Someone who is trying to quit smoking 

And as you work to stop that habit 

And implement new ones 

The deepest work 

Is in telling your identity 

As just someone who doesn’t smoke 

Period 

So where are you telling yourself 

Stories about how you could never 

Insert whatever

Or how you don’t think you are 

Insert whatever 

What do you need to start practicing 

In order to just become that person

And for the record 

I looked up the word discipline 

And it stated 

The practice of training 

People to obey rules or a code of behavior 

Using punishment to correct disobedience 

I’m not talking about that 

We just practice new things 

Over and over 

To become our next best selves 

No need for punishment 

There is no upside 

Just keep going 

You got this my friend 

Ok – that’s what I have for you today

Let’s circle back next week

But for now 

Make it a great day 

Take care!