Ep 102 Constraint and Discipline
In this episode:
- How constraining offers freedom to do more
- The importance of saying no
- Using discipline to become your next best version
- Mel Robbins 5 Second Rule
- James Clear Atomic Habits
- Waitlist for new course program for device reps to improve work-life integration and finally find life outside of work: www.michellebourquecoaching.com/waitlist
Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Stitcher | TuneIn | RSS
Transcript Notes:
Hello hello hello
How are you all doing today?
Oh my gosh
What a night
I have to tell you what happened to me
I was sitting at a dinner for work
And
I’m pretty sure one of the doctors
Is the most worldly person I know
Has traveled to places
That if I’m keeping it real
I would likely not be able to show you where on a map..lol..
I am so geographically
Directionally
Whatever it is
Challenged
lol..
I’ll be honest
I’ve been known to get lost in a parking garage
For the record
It was years ago
And for the record
I used to be afraid to drive highways
In fact – I choose my college based
On the fact I could get there with back roads
I know crazy right?
Look at me now
I do all sorts of crazy driving
So let that be an example of what we talk about here
You are not your past
Do not look for evidence of being able to do new things
If you’ve never done them before
Think about it
Where are you telling yourself you can’t do something
Don’t believe your brain
You can do anything
Ok –
Let me get back to my original story
So – I’m at dinner
Outside due to Covid
And I feel what I think is a bug on my shoulder
So I go to swipe it off
And instead I find
How do I say this..
Well – the remnants of a bird
Going to the bathroom on my shoulder
BUT
The other people at dinner were still having
Very intellectual conversation
Discussing extraordinary places to visit
And there I am
I just cant even….
Well – people tell me it is good luck
So I’m going with it
One of those days..
We have them right?
I also talk about life being 50/50
And we take the good and the bad
And as long as we aren’t spending our time
Resisting the bad
We are ahead of the game
Ok – for todays podcast
I actually want to discuss some concepts
That I started thinking about from this dinner
And you know I love using real life examples
So I thought it could be a perfect match
So let’s dive in
I want to discuss the idea of
Constraint
And Discipline
Over the last 3 years
I have really worked on
Adopting the idea of constraint
Here’s what happens
A lot of us
Run around by the seat of our pants
Trying to take care of everything
And do everything
And put out all the fires
And then wonder
Why at the end of the day
We feel like we have so many loose ends
And don’t feel like we got anything we wanted to done
But the truth is
We didn’t prioritize what we really wanted to do
And we often times
Have too many things that we think are important
So
I started taking certain areas of my life
To constrain
And I know
Sounds so
Restrictive right?
But the truth is
It can be so freeing
When you say no to some things
You are able to open up so many different opportunities
AND you open brain space
For new opportunities
So let me use the example of food
Stop and think about how much you think about food
And I bet you might not even realize
How often you think about it
You know the conversation
What do you want for dinner?
I don’t know
What do you want?
I don’t know
Well what do you feel like?
I don’t know what do you feel like?
And then the time to think about where to buy it
What is needed
Who is cooking
And then
Another part is
All the thoughts about how you
Shouldn’t have had what you had
And self judgment
And then hit repeat
Listen –
I know I’m not alone
Because I’ve coached people on this
And I’ve had it go on in my head
So for me
This is an area where I started constraining
And I can not tell you
How much time I got back in my life
To take on more amazing opportunities
But
Here is the thing
It can be kind uncomfortable to start
Because we are a society
Where we tell ourselves
Things like
Food is love
And food is comfort
And its what we do together
And that is the work
Being ok with that
So when I go out to dinners
I know I just get the caesar salad and grilled chicken
Marc always laughs because sometimes I have the chance
To go to some pretty great restaurants
And he thinks its such a waste that I’m the one who gets to go …lol
To have a salad
Even one of my physicians last night was like
really?
A salad?
But I told him what I tell you
It makes it so easy
I don’t have to spend the time
Looking at the menu
Pretending to be confused
And wondering what I want
I just go in
Enjoy the conversation
And already have the decision done
I know
For the foodie folks
That might sounds horrifying …lol
But I can not tell you how much it has helped
And I do the same for lunch
You guys know I just make my salads on Sunday
Good to go for the week
No wasted time thinking, stopping, thinking I should’ve had something different
It just opens up more brain space
Give it a whirl
Just start small
Where can you start constraining?
Saying no
Will open up so many more yes’s for you
And
As we were talking
We somehow got on the topic of
Why I get up at 330am
That’s for a different podcast ..lol.
But they said – you are so disciplined
Now – I don’t think I normally would call myself that
But its a super interesting idea to explore here
Because we all have self identifies right?
So I guess I have trained myself
To just get up at that time
And as I say that
I do think I should do another podcast
Because I used the 5 second rule
That Mel Robbins discusses
As the tool to do it
So that can be helpful
But
What I want to say is
It doesn’t feel like a practice anymore
It just feels like my identity
I get up at 330
Vs
I want to be able to get up at 330
And
You can always change your identity
Sometimes when I coach people
They just say things like
I don’t consider myself
Insert whatever
A leader
A sales person
Or
I’ve never been able to do that
Stop
Catch yourself
And what your brain is serving up
Just because you haven’t
Doesn’t mean you can’t
What if you were a person who could do that
I think James Clear talks about this in his book Atomic Habits
The idea of you being
Someone who is trying to quit smoking
And as you work to stop that habit
And implement new ones
The deepest work
Is in telling your identity
As just someone who doesn’t smoke
Period
So where are you telling yourself
Stories about how you could never
Insert whatever
Or how you don’t think you are
Insert whatever
What do you need to start practicing
In order to just become that person
And for the record
I looked up the word discipline
And it stated
The practice of training
People to obey rules or a code of behavior
Using punishment to correct disobedience
I’m not talking about that
We just practice new things
Over and over
To become our next best selves
No need for punishment
There is no upside
Just keep going
You got this my friend
Ok – that’s what I have for you today
Let’s circle back next week
But for now
Make it a great day
Take care!