Since I talked about perfectionism last week, I thought this would be a good time to discuss enough-ism, especially during the holidays when we’re trying to do it all. How often do you say that you, or something you’ve done, isn’t enough? I want to show you how those thoughts aren’t serving you. They are keeping you from making the most of your time and creating true connections with those around you. I also want to share the steps of how to overcome these beliefs and how you can re-write your story.
Topics in this episode
- You get to decide if you are enough.
- Numbing out keeps us from feeling shame and discomfort, but it also means we miss out.
- It takes courage to believe that we are enough.
- Be willing to let go of who you think you should be, in order to be who you are.
- Using self-criticism to protect you from feelings of shame
- Step one is awareness
- An exercise in becoming compassionate, and curious
- What can you begin thinking on purpose?
If you are ready to take this to the next level, I would love to help. I have three spots that just opened up for one-on-one coaching. It’s not for you if you’re not looking to find balance and to continue to excel in your career. But if you are ready to take your career to the next level and feel more in control of your time, let’s chat. Go to https://michellebourquecoaching.com/work-with-me/. Set up a time to chat with me and we can make sure it’s a good fit and that we are on the same page.
If you’re not quite ready, but you do want more free content, head over to https://michellebourquecoaching.com/freebie/ and there you can download the three-step guide for more work/life balance, starting today.
Hello hello hello Whats up my friends? How are you today? Are you in it?
The hustle and bustle of the holidays
I hope you are taking a moment here and there to enjoy it Breath..
It’s all going to get done It always does right?
Like I always tell my sister
I’m sure you will ﬁgure it all out You always do
And take a minute
Doesn’t that seem like a pretty good thought to think? You will ﬁgure it out
No need to swim in the overwhelm of thinking you won’t Both are options my friends
You have enough time to get it all done I promise
And speaking of enough – Let’s jump into todays topic “Enoughism”
I’m not sure if that is really a word
But I was reading a book recently that mentioned it And since I discussed perfectionism last week
I thought it would be nice to talk about enoughism this week
Especially during the holidays when you are trying to do it all Think about this
How often do you tell yourself you are not enough? Or something in your life is not enough?
Let’s start with when you wake up – You likely didn’t get enough sleep
And then you probably didn’t have enough time to get the workout in you wanted And as the day goes on
We are not smart enough Thin enough
Rich enough Promoted enough Pretty enough
You get the picture right?
And if we don’t think we are enough – What does that even really mean?
So if we aren’t pretty, Smart
Enough – is that to be worthy? And who decides what enough is?
I’ll give you the answer here my friends You
But lets look at this
If we are never enough to be worthy
Then it’s really hard to put our guard down
Because we think people would see us for who we really are
And in our brains – if we are thinking we are not enough – Especially In this perfectionist society we live in
Well that would be painful right? Because we think
We would be rejected for being not enough But that is just something in minds
Think about this
We are afraid we will be rejected because we are In our brains
Thinking we are not enough
But when we have our guard down Or – sometimes even more than that
We try to avoid and painful feelings of shame for example And we avoid them by numbing out
So maybe a little extra wine Or Netﬂix
Or – this was a big one for me Working more
It seems so noble right? We are hard workers
But stop and ask yourself what happens when you don’t work? Super uncomfortable for a lot of us
So we numb out And in doing so
We miss out on the connection we are so longing for by not letting people see Who we truly are
Kinda crazy right?
Its like a vicious cycle
No wonder we are exhausted
And feel like we don’t have time to do more of what we want So – how do we stop the insanity
Lol – for those of you in my age group you may have just had a visual of Susan Powter Weight loss clients unite! Lol
But seriously –
How do we stop this cycle? Step one
Be open to being vulnerable
Start developing a sense of inner worthiness It does not depend on the external sources Rather than always thinking
I’m not enough…
Start looking at how you are enough
The option to believe you are smart enough, thin enough, rich enough Whatever it is for you
Why do we choose to believe the opposite? It takes courage though right?
To be willing to be enough To be willing to be imperfect
To fully experience all life is oﬀering The good
The bad And the ugly
I love this quote from Brene Brown about some of the people in her research
“They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were” So good right?
If we want to be truly connected with others we have to be ourselves The other thing we need to do?
Stop being our own worst enemy
So many of the women I work with have this anxiety that takes a ride with them all day Every day
Its like you are always cracking the whip on yourself And have you noticed
Even when you do accomplish something You are more likely to just take a sigh of relief Vs actually acknowledging a job well done Maybe even taking some time to celebrate
It’s more like you have escaped the next round of inner criticism Vs taking time to rejoice
So no wonder this anxiety stays with you It’s like the inner critic is protecting you
If you are always demanding yourself to do more, and better
Than you can escape the feelings of shame that come along with failure So what would it look like to silence the inner critic?
You know what –
Let’s not even go there just yet
The ﬁrst step to making any change is to become aware So I want to encourage you to ﬁrst
Start becoming compassionate and curious When we are compassionate and curious
it makes it hard to be judgmental
So we can start by taking that layer oﬀ of what we have going on in our minds One way you can do this is by doing what we call a thought download
It’s just like a dumping of your brain On paper
I do this and I have my clients do it Start by taking 5 minutes a day
Write down all of what the voices in your head are telling you
You guys- listen – if the voices in my head paid rent I would be soo rich..lol. When you write down all of it
It allows you to see from a distance That these are thoughts you are having They are not who you are
There is a huge diﬀerence
When you can look at them on paper you can be an observer You can separate yourself from them
Do you see the diﬀerence? You are not what you think Take the time to think about What you think about
And once you have it all out on paper
You get to decide if you still want to think it It’s all optional
Now – it doesn’t always feel optional Because for some of this
We have thought it for so long
Or our families have instilled it as a strong belief But it is still a belief – which is a thought –
Not a fact
And can be optional
Seeing the diﬀerence is what allows you to change I was just working with a client today
And I said listen
If I’m your girlfriend/coworker Ill agree with you But that doesn’t allow you the opportunity to see
How what your thinking is giving you the results you have
As a coach my role is to show you how your thinking is creating your life So you can truly see how you can have diﬀerent results
I don’t believe your stories Especially if they aren’t helping you
And you know what – by the end of the conversation she was like Wow- you have me thinking diﬀerently
Here’s the truth –
She did the work to be open to it That’s step one
And when you know better You do better
And 5 minutes to start is enough
You do this 5 minutes a day and you will start seeing changes in your life Now the other option for some people
Is to start having a mantra of sorts
So you’ve practiced thinking you are not enough for so long It’s like a super highway thought in the neural pathways right
Easy go to for your brain
So what could you begin practicing on purpose?
I don’t necessarily think you jump right to I am enough Because here’s the thing –
You need to believe it in order to stick So I like to use ladder thoughts
Like – a thought that gets you one step closer to what you want to believe on purpose Maybe it’s
I’m becoming a person who believes I am enough Or
I’m focused on becoming a person who believes I’m enough Play with it
Kinda like trying on new clothes See what ﬁts
And then set a reminder on your phone to practice thinking that What you will ﬁnd is
You will ﬁrst starting catching yourself after you say you are not enough Then you can just remind yourself – remember – curious and compassionate That you are becoming a person who believes you are enough
And as you do that more and more
You will notice as you are in the middle of something happening you catch yourself Starting to go to the old thinking of I’m not enough
But can change it mid action to – I’m becoming a person who believes I am enough And soon it will become a new thought you just believe
Its like the secret to the universe my friends
If you are ready to take this to the next level I would love to help I have 3 spots that just opened up
This is not for you if you are not looking to ﬁnd balance – and still excel at your career But if you are ready to excel at your career and feel more in control of your time – Well let’s chat
Go to michellebourquecoaching.com – click the work with me page and set a time to
Get on a call to see if it’s a good ﬁt
I always have a conversation with clients before we start just to make sure we are on the Same page
If you are not quite ready but want more free content head over the michellebourquecoaching.com/freebie
and download the 3 step guide for more work/life balance today.
Ok – that’s what I have for you today Let’s circle back next week
But for now –
Make it a great day – Take care!