Delaying Gratification

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I am getting ready for another bit of travel. This time, I’ll be thinking of you! I’m heading to a retreat with my coach. We’ll be doing a deep dive into the business and planning for next year. While I’m planning, I want to think about how I can help you and what it is you need. If you’re thinking about next year, what does that look like for you? Send me a message on social media and let me know!

When you set a big goal for yourself, it doesn’t always happen now. I recently heard about a study on delayed gratification and the impact it has throughout our lives and in order to achieve our goals. In this episode, I share why delayed gratification is so important, and how it will help you reach your goals.

Topics in this Episode

• Outcomes of being impatient
• You will not find evidence in the past of being able to do something new
• Are you willing to keep going?
• The role of willpower in delayed gratification
• Examples of self-talk and how it can shape your willpower
• Tips:
  • Know your values
  • Be very clear in what it is you want to achieve
  • Create a plan
  • Prioritize
  • Reward yourself

Hello hello hello
Welcome back to the podcast
How are you today?
I am feeling pretty great
I’m getting ready for another bit of travel
– this time I’m heading to a retreat with my coach –
I mentioned it last week –
We will be doing a deep dive in the business and planning for next year
I’m so excited
I want you to know I’m thinking of you when I go
I think about what can help you
What do you need
Hey – I would love to hear from you this week
What do you need?
If you were thinking about next year – what would that look like for you?
Send me a dm on IG or Facebook –
Michellebourquecoaching
Ok – so today I want to start by talking about marshmallows.
Lol –
Actually I can’t stand marshmallows – which is a bit of a bummer when the nieces
want to do s’mores.. lol
I was listening to an interview Sunday with Michio Kaku –
He is the man following the steps of Einstein
with his String Field Theory,
Working to crack open the answers of the universe.
So we can agree he is smart.. lol
And I think his goal has me reassessing any goals I’ve set for my life.. lol
Ok – so what does a marshmallow have to do with this genius?
Well he was discussing the Stanford Marshmallow experiment
Have you guys heard of this?
The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a study on delayed gratification in
1972.
It was led by psychologist Walter Mischel,
In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small reward provided
immediately
or two small rewards
if they waited for a short period, approximately 15 minutes,
the tester left the room and then returned.
The reward was either a marshmallow or pretzel stick,
depending on the child’s preference.
In follow-up studies,
the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred
rewards
tended to have better life outcomes in general
They measured things like
SAT scores
educational attainment
body mass index (BMI),
What they discovered was those that were willing to delay gratification –
have more self control
did better in the future
And I see this all the time
With my clients – and with myself
The willingness to delay gratification allows for such growth as an individual
But here’s the thing
We are in a fast paced world
We want things –
yesterday
I know if my computer starts with that damn circle thing
I feel like my head might explode –
Shay should I have to wait to load?
Lol
We want the quick fix pill
We want someone to just tell us how so we can get moving
We want the fastest route there
We want the express train only
Now
Now
now
But when you set a big goal for yourself it doesn’t always happen
Now
And then what?
Well what I usually see happen is people get discouraged
They want to start questioning themselves
They start to go to the past for evidence of being able to do it
Which
By the way
I’ll save you some time here
You won’t find evidence in your past of being able to do something
If it’s a new big goal you won’t find evidence from your past
So don’t look there
But are you willing to keep going?
Do you have the grit to continue – even without the gratification in the moment
Over time
Delaying gratification allows you to reach your goals
So –
it’s the idea you don’t take the immediate reward
because the one in the future is worth so much more
Let me share a couple of examples of what delayed gratification might look like
Let’s say your goal is to gain better control of your calendar
One of the things you need to be able to reach that goal is to start planning your
days in advance
I suggest my clients plan there day 24 hours in advance
So each night we look at the day ahead and put very specific tasks in very
specific times
But sometimes..
At the end of the night we just would rather relax
Maybe veg out
Check out Facebook
Get that immediate gratification
But if you want to get to the larger goal of spending your time more intentionally
Well then you have to delay the quick –
Immediate hit of dopamine from the Facebook log in
And get to work planning your day
And the delayed gratification is you finally seeing how in control of your calendar
you can be
Or
Another example
When I’m working with my ladies who want to drink less
Of course in the moment the immediate gratification is the glass of wine
But the larger goal is to be able to feel more energized each morning
Be more productive
In the moment that wine is going to be the immediate gratification
But if really want to feel better,
More energized
More productive
Well that comes down the road –
After you’ve been able to pass on the quick hit of dopamine from the extra glass
of wine in the moment
Same with listing weight right?
You want the gratification of looking AHmazimg in your bikini
But you walk into Panera and there are those warm chocolate chip cookies…
You know the ones –
You have to decide –
The immediate dopamine hit
Or delay
Pass on the cookie
And reap the benefits of feeling AHmazimg in your bikini
And let me be clear
The delay in gratification I’m talking about is not
The white knuckle
This sucks
I can’t have it
This is hard
And not fair
Attitude that sometimes comes into play when you are using willpower
Oh no – this is different my friend
Because the truth is –
We only have so much willpower every day
And I’m sure you know this –
Let’s say you are cutting back on wine
at the end of the day you either have the
I can’t have it
I can’t have it
Chatter
Resisting it – which usually feels terrible
Or
You have the –
Screw it – I deserve it chatter
Which is giving in
What I’m talking about
with delaying gratification
is kinda the in between
So the self talk is more like
This is uncomfortable
But I can handle it
I know the payoff is going to be so much better for me in the long run
Do you see the difference?
There’s a softer feel than resisting
And yet it’s harder than just giving in
It’s knowing it can be uncomfortable
And you will survive
In fact – the payoff comes
once you make it through the discomfort
You delay
And you achieve
It’s like magic
You just have to be willing to try it
So hear are some tips to help you delay gratification
1. Know your values – really take inventory of what what you truly want – not
just what you want in the moment
2. Know what you want to achieve – be very clear in what that looks like. Not
just – I want to lose weight – but I want to lose 5 lbs by the end of the month
3. Create a plan – when your brain is focused with intention and you honor
that plan you will know its for the path to get you to that goal
4. Prioritize – is it more important to hop on Facebook or to plan your day in
advance
5. Reward yourself – take stock when you do honor your commitments and
continue going –
You will get to that goal
Don’t be in such a rush – I know it’s cliche but you do have to enjoy the journey
there
It’s all those steps toward your goal that make you the new person who achieve it
Ok – that’s what I have for you today
Let’s circle back next week – it for now – make it a great day – take care!