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I am all in on living your best life, which means a life without buffering. I’m not talking about what your computer does, although that is a good visual of what we’re discussing. Buffering leads us to go around and around because our brain wants us to escape our lives. Buffering is all about the things we do to avoid a feeling, and to get a quick pleasure hit. I share with you how to recognize buffering, and how to shift your actions so that you can experience a life of wellbeing.
Topics in this episode
- Definition of buffering
- Examples of how we do it in our everyday lives
- How buffering leads to less happiness
- False pleasures
- Motivational triad
- Where to start
Hello hello hello – how are you today my friends?
I had an amazing week last week.
I mentioned on the last podcast –
I was heading to my coaching Mastermind for 2 full days of new content and ideas.
It’s always so much fun to get together with like minded people who truly want to make a diﬀerence in the world.
It’s so funny – some of my family members tell me they think this is a cult..lol.. when I ﬁrst started I was like – really?
Do you think?
I was so worried what everyone would think
Now – I’m like you
get to think what you want
and I just joke with them and tell them not to worry –
I’ll only drink the bottled water..lol..
In any case – it is an amazing group of people making positive change in the world of mental health –
I’m all in on living your best life
And that’s what I want to discuss with you today
Living your best life
In case you are not familiar with buﬀering –
I’m not talking about like –
What you computer does with that ridiculous thing that just goes around and around
Although – that is a pretty good visual now that I say it about how we buﬀer with our lives
We just go around and around
I’m talking about the way we sometimes escape our life
Like to lessen the impact
I think pretty much all of us do this in some way
For many of the gals I work with its with wine
It is anything you go to in order to feel a quick pleasure hit –
Or avoid a feeling
In order to feel better
So for a lot of people it is social media
The scrolling to escape
For some its porn
For others it is shopping
Work is a BIG one
We often dive into work in order to escape –
Maybe something at home
Just a way to try to make ourselves feel better
It really looks like any number of these things
But the point is
It takes away from living your true
It’s a false pleasure
What I mean is – we think its great in the moment
But then we beat ourselves up about it after
I’ve talked about this in the past –
For years I used to use wine as a way to escape
it’s not like I was an alcoholic
But at the end of the crazy days
I just needed
Something to take the edge oﬀ
I couldn’t seem to settle down
And I would feel this anxiety
So in order to feel better
I would have some wine
But then the next day I would be kicking myself
Because I didn’t really want to have that much
Or on some days
I just knew I could’ve had a better workout
Or felt more productive if I didn’t have the last glass
You know what I mean?
So many of the women I work with totally get it
So I say it’s a false pleasure because it is only in the moment that it feels good
Think about over eating
We think we want the extra food
Or the sweets
Because in the moment – oh
They do taste good
Think back to when you had a breakup and the pint of Ben & Jerrys came out
Actually – who am I fooling?
Back then I don’t think I could aﬀord Ben and Jerrys..lol..
And it might have been a half gallon…lol..
And we think getting to the bottom of the container will make us feel better
But let’s be honest –
We feel terrible after
Or can’t quite ﬁt into our clothes the way we want to
You know – like those days when
Something clearly happened in the dryer hahhaha..
And think about it –
It makes sense
Our brain is designed with the motivational triad of
Be as eﬃcient as possible
So let’s use the wine as an example
You don’t want to feel anxious
You go for the wine –
I think most of my clients say around dinner time –
like as they start cooking
Seems to take the edge oﬀ
And – since they have a routine of starting when they begin cooking it is eﬃcient
So nothing has gone wrong here
If this is you – your brain is working as it is designed
But then the next question is
How do you start to live life on purpose
Without needing all the external sources for the quick pleasure hit
I would say –
It’s not only the way the brain is designed
It’s also all the companies that give us so much messaging about
Eat this for love of family
Or drink this to have fun with your friends
By this and be sexier
And everything is so fast
And the pleasures are so concentrated –
We don’t even sometimes take the time to think about
What would a truly authentic life look like
The more we eat – the more we want to eat
The more we drink – the more we want to drink
We think we are entitled to feel good all the time.
But you guys – if we were meant to feel positive all the time that might be a little freaky
I want to be sad if my dog dies
I don’t want to feel happy
But we have become a society that will quickly go to the escape so we don’t have to feel bad
So it sounds like I’m trying to sell you on the idea of feeling terrible right? Lol
Someone recently said to me – oh come on – you only live once
I corrected her – lol.. you only die once
You live every day
And so here is where I would say we start
Begin questioning everything
Are you really happier when you drink?
Or are you just less aware of what is truly going on in your life?
Because what happens when you take away
Well then you are faced with your true life right?
The interesting thing is
You are basically just tricking your brain
So let’s say something is going on in your life
You have the wine
And now you feel like ahhhh
It’s so much better
But really your life is the same
You have just tricked your brain with a dopamine hit of pleasure
But it’s a false pleasure
Because you still have the same life
When you take away the false pleasure
you can begin looking at what remains
Because I promise you – feeling more in control of your drinking
Or eating –
Or insert your form of buﬀering
Well when you start to feel more in control
And at your ideal weight
Or waking up feeling energetic
Well that is true – natural pleasure
When you are eating foods for example that fuel your body
it just allows for your life to truly get better
And here’s what happens
When you begin to accumulate the natural pleasures you
Build on true happiness
When you accumulate natural pleasure you build on your over all well being
When you accumulate natural pleasures you build your self conﬁdence
Conﬁdence builds on conﬁdence and
That is what brings you to a higher level of empowerment in your life
This process allows you to show up as your true – best version of yourself
So this week I want to encourage you to start questioning all of it
What will happen if you stop trying to escape yourself
Do you even know who you would be
I think that is sometimes a big factor –
we are so busy trying to impress others
That we don’t exactly know how to show up as our best self
Here’s how you know if you are buﬀering –
Do you have a net negative eﬀect
So maybe you have one glass of wine and that’s ﬁne
But when you have the wine and then you feel terrible the next morning
Or Beat yourself up
Or have a headache
Well that is considered net negative
And that doesn’t feel great right?
So what if you just decided you could handle a little restlessness or anxiety
Because you knew on the other side you would feel so much more conﬁdent
You would experience a life of well being vs false pleasures
Just starting questioning –
I promise –
there is so much more on the other side
What would that look look like for you?
Sounds like fun right?
It actually is – let’s see who you really are
And what you can create in your life when you take away the buﬀers.
Ok – that’s what I have for you today –
Let’s circle back next week – but for now – make it a great day – take care!